I'm seriously lost now...basic story is that, some years ago (around 5 i think..) I met this girl, who I later found out that we've been friends since we were born...I didn't understand why I couldn't remember her from when we were children...which is still frustrating me even today...
To cut to the chase...1 year ago, I went to my cousins confirmation...And guess who I spotted, When I looked at her, I noticed that she made a small smile, like it was for me personaly, and kinda like she didn't want anyone to see it... But there we were, talking alone over a table while all the others were outside congratulating my cousin..
All day at the confirmation I kept thinking of how much I missed her. Later on when we had decided to go outside and sit on the grass and talk there instead, I thought of asking her of her number...But unsuccessfully as I were, I never had the guts to do it..Then the time came when everybody wen't home, and the confirmation was over.

About 1 month later, my cousin turned 15, 4 weeks after me, so we decided to have a birthday party together, and unfortunately "She" couldn't make it there.( her mom knows my cousins mom,and so on..) But When I went outside to get some air, her mom came to me and aksed me for my number, I misunderstood it in the start..untill she said it was for her daughter(Cille is her nickname, so let's call her that )...I was so happy, all I had to do now was to wait for her to text me 1 hour passed, and started to lose hope..

Then I got a text message saying: "Hey sweetie, Sorry I couldn't make it there :)"...in about 3 days we kept texting to each other day and night, untill she asked me if I wanted to take her to the zoo, and I of course did so we talked even more at the zoo, we even hugged really tight when we said goodbye. 2 weeks passed (she was on vacation) And I decided to ask if she wanted to go to see a movie with me, she gladly said yes and smiled at me . But when we were at the mall, got the tickets and just wandering around talking about stuff..that was where it snapped for me..I was totally lost about what to do or say...while she was on vacation she even texted me "think we could make a good couple? " and I answered "I think we would be great :-)".......So I kept thinking, we were dating now, I had to at least something!..then she started to tell me that she felt like she was gonna throw up and felt sick...SO stupid as I were I didn't think at all about girls having their periods...So I saw it like she was trying to tell me that maybe this whole movie idea wasn't so great..She didn't laugh during the movie, not even a smile...

When I got home I couldn't get her out of my mind, I texted her, and asked what she thought of our day together. She said it was very fun, and that she enjoy my presence very much..What a relief I felt..
Then I lied in my bed, thinking about us...What if I screw it up? then I'll lose a friend from my childhood, and so on...untill I grabbed my phone and texted her again:

"I'm terribly, terribly sorry...But we cannot be together anymore, I hope You don't feel that I don't like you, It's nothing about you at all, or anyone else than myself..Sorry"

She didn't even reply to it, which I fully understand...but, if you have any idea of how terrible I feel, even after a year I still keep thinking of her every day...I started to cut myself for a period..to get the pain somewhere else from the heart...My right arm and both legs is covered in scars. I belive that all that pain made me grow up, I have even started believing in tibetan buddhism...Lately I've thought of her even more that usual, since it's her 16th birthday the 26th of july, so I thought if I should do something...To show that I've changed...that I can actually achieve something now..compared to before when I hadn't met her...But I'm concerned about her if I confront her, or text her..What if she have finally moved on? and I bring her back to the horrible memories of me, and how I just dumped her after 2 days together...I should have died somehow...because people like me who do such things to other people does not deserve to be here...

I ask you for your serious opinion on this...

This post was edited by Rikodou on Jul 22 2010 07:43pm

Seriously WTF is this shit bro. You spent mad fucking long typing.

Yea, I see..I'll try to divide it up a bit

Just sum it up. What the fuck happened? Your girl fuck somone?

Listen. If you need someone beat up.. we can talk.. first to show you are serious, get some more FG. Like 15k

This post was edited by Un.Known on Jul 22 2010 07:43pm

are you fucked?

summary:
Kid finds girl he knew while ago and they start to get interested in eachother
He for some fucking reason texts her that he does not want to be with her
he cuts himself and wants to die

This post was edited by JAKEFILE on Jul 22 2010 07:45pm

Alright...You can stop your +1's in here now...I hardly believe you will help me in anyway..

Wow, Now i feel far less stupid. I'll try to actually comment on this in a second while i take it all in.
Alright. So i've read everything, even the emo shit.

So basically, you fucked up big. The friendship you had before clearly wasn't much of a friendship, since you were too little to rembember it.
You fucked up by dicking up a relationship that you HAD for something you thought you had which you never did before.
This is where you fail harder than me, who didn't want to wreck a friendship for a relationship(i didn't realize by NOT attempting a relationship you ultimately lose your friendship, and i fucked up when i realized I had wanted it all along etc)

I would at least give her a message to show you still care. Its common decency. you went the full emo shit though. While fucking up something so good so badly does make you want to mutilate yourself(i wanted to, i'm still suffering for it) it won't help the situation.

"because people like me who do such things to other people does not deserve to be here..."
I too thought this, that I ultimately was a failure, but you need to realize that your heart is in the right place and since thats the case you can only learn from this, and make the right choice next time. You're still better than all the people who would have fucked her and left her.

Plus you're an emo 16 year old, while you seem to have found early, you're still quite young, and have plenty of time. its probably better this happened earlier than later.

This post was edited by FORt-HOBO on Jul 22 2010 08:34pm

FOUND LOVE* early.
All I can say is that you never know, and it can't really hurt to try and message her. If she still cares about you, it may mean alot to her.
if she doesn't, it won't make a shit of difference. I doubt it could really hurt her.

why the hell did u dump her in the first place?

dude cutting urself is bad, it makes people worry about you too much and stuff like that.

if your really looking for die i suggest this cool hanging method, this atleast should make u look cool in her eyes

lol....