It's long, but all the pros will vouch that it's worth the read. Guy from west used to write these all the time.
Sup guys, It's Loochi.
So today I was in a game helpin my homie J-Bomb get the horadric malus to imbue us something nice and juicy. Preferably a superiour avenger guard and hope it comes out to arreats face. To me, I don't mind about the ED of stuff. As long as I get the item all is good.
Before I walked into the monastary I recieved a urgent message from one of my friend on my list Elite_ringgrip requesting that I had to immediatly come join the game and help with tristram.
Loochi:"Sorry J-Bomb, we'll finish this quest as soon as I help Elite_ringgrip with tristram"
J-Bomb:"Damn bro, you should start charging people for all the help you're doing."
Loochi:"Nah man, it's my job. I like to put a smile on peoples faces. Thas all. Besides, once you get rich and high level like me and attain all the knowledge, it's good to pass it all on to the lil homies u no?"
So I entered the game 'Ube69' password 'torch' and I see Elite_ringgrip in the game by a red town portal?
Elite_ringgrip"Fuck bro, about time you came.. I need your help.."
Loochi:"Wat? Tristram? dude, isn't that shit in the cold plains?"
Elite_ringgrip"...no. Stoney field... Anyway, I need your help. I want you to do EXACTLY what i say bro. Serious this time.. ok!? don't do anythign out the ordinary.."
Loochi:"Don't worry man, I've got experience in this shit. I put the L in Leet"
Elite_ringgrip: "..."
We went through the portal but something didn't seem right.. It was too quiet.. Almost TOO quiet.. As if we're being watched.
Elite_ringgrip:"Ok follow me."
Loochi:"LOL.. Dude? where the fuck you going? You off to get wirts leg or something? kk You do that and I'll go rescue cain"
*Loochi was been slain by diablo*
Elite_ringgrip: "YOU FUCKING MORON! WTF DID I FUCKIN JUST FUCKING SAY U FUCKIN DUMB FUCKING FAGGOT.."
Loochi: "Woah!? wtf?! Diablo!? .. wtf!? HIS BROTHERS ARE HERE TOO!? - WTF DID YOU CUNTS DO TO CAIN YOU FAGGOTS!"
Elite_ringgrip: "omg.."
As if we were doomed enough by the Lord of terror himself, he was accompained by his most trusted and only brothers. Baal, the lord of destruction and mephisto, the lord of hatred! - Things couldnt get worse... or could they!? There was a huge mass of monsters guarding by my body - There was no way I could get it back.. Only way was to make a deal with Larzuk and buy some armoury and be prepared for serious action. This is big boys toys now.
Loochi:"Shit Elite_ringgrip.. This is not happning.."
Elite_ringgrip: "..?"
Loochi:"Who ever told deckard cain and tyrael that the soul stones of diablo and mephisto was destroyed at the hellforge was jus a fuckin bloody lier to try get ist runes. Their soul stones aren't destroyed?! ALL THREE ARE HERE FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
Elite_ringgrip"lol. You're a fucking idiot."
Loochi: "Alright, I made this mess, now it's time to get us both out of this and shut the portal before Malah and the rest of Harrogath are doomed. Mortal men were not ment to witness the 3 prime evils at once. It's up to us"
Elite_ringgrip:"wow. I can't belive this shit.. You're so stupid.. And you ruined the place because it's over packed with minions. It's laggy as fuck and if we enter the portal we're most likely bound to die.. It's impossible now."
Loochi: "YEAH!? WELL HOW ABOUT WE FUCKIN TRY THE IMPOSSBILE? COZ THE POSSIBLE JUST AINT WORKING FOR US U FUCKN DUMB INDIAN!"
Elite_ringgrip: " Whatever faggot u lead. I'll put vigor on so we both run. U distract while I trap meph in."
Loochi:" You cant count on me man."
As soon as I entered the portal, the inevitable happend. I died with 1 hit from a skeleton mage. Elite_ringgrip howver, managed to trap mephisto in the house as he promised and made things abit easier for us. But not quite.. He died many many times. Horrible ways too.
Elite_ringgrip:"FUCK! YOU OW ME KEY SETS NOW DUMBASS. SHOULD HAVE NEVER MSGED U.."
We had no plan from this point, it seemed that we were doomed. But a true friend and a helpful ally signed on "Lil_T"
Loochi: "T! get your ass in here man, we need your assitance! no time to explain the situation but we need u here STAT!! uber69 / torch"
Lil_T:"yooo Loochi Looch' sup bra, I jus got back from a party man, im wasted XD - kk omw bro"
Elite_ringgrip: "wtf.. who's this.."
Elite_ringgrip got more pissed off because the fact that T joined the game made the game alot harder, but if anyone knew knowledge and secret strategies about this game. It's Lil T. I consider him a heroic friend and a true guru on D2. I wouldn't be where I am today. I would never label myself as godly if wasn't around to teach me.
Lil T: "Tristram in act 5? Another glitch Looch'?"
Loochi: "Looks like it man, but there's no time to try and figure out maintainance.. This is tough shit, and without my body. There's no way in hell we can win this."
Elite_ringgrip: "ROFLMFAO!"
Lil T powered up to his max, he put on frost armour and energy shield. He was the only one strong enough to go in there and look at the situation. The plan was for him to use static field on them and get them down to low life while I go get my body and use my leap attack on baal while Elite_Ringgrip uses smite on diablo to slap him around a bit (lol at smite? get a real skill atleast..)
T went in and we watched his life diminsh rapidly, I've never seen T get this damaged before except for that duel against that hacking druid. But to make things fair, T was a bit drunk from that party, so his ability to play musta been distorted, otherwise he woulda made light work out of these prime evils. I quickly managed to get my body but had to make a run for it. Those demon guards were in my way and there was nothign I coulda done. Diablo was right there in my site, a perfect hit that woulda ended all of this and saved tristram once and for all.. I failed..
Lil T: "Shit yo! My life's dropping so fast, I'm out of mana and life pots! ima go heal."
Loochi: "Never a dull moment huh T?"
Elite_Ringgrip: "lol noobs.."
As I ws heroicly fighting these demons, I see Lil T on my mini map heading south... TO WHERE MEPHISTO IS TRAPPED!?!? and I immediatly thought..
Loochi: "oh no... ..... ... T NO!! , COME BACK U FUCKIN DRUNK CUNT! You're going the wrong way!"
Lil T: "Nah man, this is the way to pepin. I'm jus gonna get healed and buy some pots"
Loochi: "PEPIN!? DUDE THIS ISN'T DIABLO 1, IT'S DIAB-"
*Lil T was slain by mephisto*
After this moment we heard mephisto's laugh and an aura of skeletons arouse. I had to run for it and enter the TP but i had to dodge some obstacles , so I ran around and more monsters were being summoned
Elite_ringgrip: "STOP running around u idiot! u'r making it worsE! it's laggy enough! ur only making it laggier and harder!!! omfg"
I was jus about to enter the portal but the lag spike was so huge, that in a blink of an eye, my elite barb was slain by baal's nova... Man kind has failed the world. If Griswald were to see the middle of trisram now, he'd turn in his grave. Elite tried to go in the portal, but after he wnt in. the game crashed.. We rejoined but after we entered again we crashed.. There was no way we can go back to that forsaken pitt.
Elite_ringgrip: " U MOTHER FUCKEr, REMOVE ME U FAGGOT. I'm GONNA KEY LOG UR GAY ACCOUNT AND SELL IT TO CHARSI U FUCKIN FAGGOT. U OW ME A KEY SET BY THIS SATURDAY U FUKIN BITCH."
Loochi: "Mate, show some respect. If it weren't for me and T in that game, there woulda been no lag and the 3 prime evils woulda came through that portal leaving nothing but chaos. I'll get your damn keys faggot."
Loochi: "Shit T, we need to get the keys!? how!?"
Lil_T:" e z bro, jus buy some off akara. You cna get sets of keys."
Loochi: "Once again T, I'm lost without ya"
Lil_T: "Vouch that, Now let me show you the secret cow level"
Loochi:" Ohhh no.. never a dull moment.."