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D34dlycardz
#1 Mar 9 2020 08:16am
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I've been dating this girl for almost 6 years now (28M/F) and every year we seem to go through a yearly low point where I don't have any interest in her. At best it's like having a close roommate that you can rely on, occasionally talk to, and have a couple things in common; at its worst I don't feel like we're in a relationship because we have an emotional rift between us. She isn't a very emotional person to begin with and content with the life she carved out (job, stable house, gaming, small friend circle...) I on the other hand am the more passionate musician, religious, objective/advancement driven type A personality. I want to stay with her and faithful to her, but I can't stop from wanting someone else. I don't have a 'side-bitch' or anyone in mind, I just crave a deeper connection to someone and I don't get it from the person I'm with. In the past we have talked about this many times and tried lots of things; yes this has picked up the relationship a bit and into more of a 'high', but we are both sick of the roller-coaster while not wanting to stop the ride with each other.
laoshun78
#2 Mar 9 2020 08:57am
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It sounds like you won't ever break it and I feel like what it keeping you together is the "time that was spent" which in your case is 6 years and are using that as a baseline to determine "strength" of the relationship.
Some relationships spark so hard that a 6 month relationship feels like they have been together for 6 years and are stronger than the 6 year relationship with more substance just as an example.
Do these thoughts only happen on the low? Or are they triggered through the whole year and the one after that?
I'm just spewing words but those were my initial thoughts from a random guy on the internet.
D34dlycardz
#3 Mar 9 2020 09:06am
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Quote (laoshun78 @ Mar 9 2020 09:57am)
It sounds like you won't ever break it and I feel like what it keeping you together is the "time that was spent" which in your case is 6 years and are using that as a baseline to determine "strength" of the relationship.
Some relationships spark so hard that a 6 month relationship feels like they have been together for 6 years and are stronger than the 6 year relationship with more substance just as an example.
Do these thoughts only happen on the low? Or are they triggered through the whole year and the one after that?
I'm just spewing words but those were my initial thoughts from a random guy on the internet.


I've been thinking the same, seeing people on FB going on and on about their SO; I don't really feel that towards her. Its more prevalent during the lows, but occasionally through the year too.

The biggest thing keeping us together is that we completely trust each other and have worked/talked out every issue we came across. I do feel like growth has been made, but the 'it could be better' thought lingers.
laoshun78
#4 Mar 9 2020 09:42am
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Maybe it just lacks change in pace of the relationship. Do you guys still plan special dates for each other? The whole roommate thing can just be that you guys are so used to each other that it ends up that way losing any romantic vibes. At the end of the day even if she isn't full of emotions she's still a woman.
But if your thoughts of other things becomes so strong I feel like it is unfair to your current girlfriend. Not saying you should cut it but 6 years is cutting close to the "should I marry this person in the future?" I would say during tough rifts its normal to think the thoughts that you are thinking but it could also mean that you are challenging if this is what you want.
I feel like you have the foundation for long lasting relationship given her personality on how you describe her and she will stay with you until you give her a reason not to.

To your point about people spewing stuff about their S/O on facebook. Typically the happier ones are the ones that you don't hear from and the vocal ones have underlying issues (blanket statement of course).
ug_warrior(xtc)
#5 Mar 9 2020 10:44am
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Quote (laoshun78 @ Mar 9 2020 10:42am)
Maybe it just lacks change in pace of the relationship. Do you guys still plan special dates for each other? The whole roommate thing can just be that you guys are so used to each other that it ends up that way losing any romantic vibes. At the end of the day even if she isn't full of emotions she's still a woman.
But if your thoughts of other things becomes so strong I feel like it is unfair to your current girlfriend. Not saying you should cut it but 6 years is cutting close to the "should I marry this person in the future?" I would say during tough rifts its normal to think the thoughts that you are thinking but it could also mean that you are challenging if this is what you want.
I feel like you have the foundation for long lasting relationship given her personality on how you describe her and she will stay with you until you give her a reason not to.

To your point about people spewing stuff about their S/O on facebook. Typically the happier ones are the ones that you don't hear from and the vocal ones have underlying issues (blanket statement of course).



Agreed with the Facebook comment. I know a lot of passive aggressive people in real life who have terrible relationships and use Facebook as a way to manipulate their partner or attempt to make their relationship look amazing. I for one think it’s stupid.

As the man in the relationship OP, I think it’s up to you to guide the relationship in the direction you want. Be more assertive, flirtatious, and take her on dates/do things you think she would enjoy or that you enjoy. Think of what initially sparked your interest in her and ask yourself what has changed over the years. Goodluck, she sounds like she is down to ride.

Edit: If you do these things or have done them in the past to no avail and you still have feelings of indifference, I’d suggest taking a break. You don’t want to spend your life being miserable because “she’s a good girl and I don’t want to hurt her.”

This post was edited by ug_warrior(xtc) on Mar 9 2020 10:46am
SmallBalls
#6 Mar 10 2020 07:03am
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Quote (D34dlycardz @ 9 Mar 2020 10:16)
I just crave a deeper connection to someone and I don't get it from the person I'm with.


if you had a child or close friend tell you this about their significant other, what would you tell them?
D34dlycardz
#7 Mar 10 2020 07:52am
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Quote (ug_warrior(xtc) @ Mar 9 2020 11:44am)
Agreed with the Facebook comment. I know a lot of passive aggressive people in real life who have terrible relationships and use Facebook as a way to manipulate their partner or attempt to make their relationship look amazing. I for one think it’s stupid.

As the man in the relationship OP, I think it’s up to you to guide the relationship in the direction you want. Be more assertive, flirtatious, and take her on dates/do things you think she would enjoy or that you enjoy. Think of what initially sparked your interest in her and ask yourself what has changed over the years. Goodluck, she sounds like she is down to ride.

Edit: If you do these things or have done them in the past to no avail and you still have feelings of indifference, I’d suggest taking a break. You don’t want to spend your life being miserable because “she’s a good girl and I don’t want to hurt her.”


Reflecting on this I can see that's how we built back up to our high points, its a struggle and from what I'm hearing, this is normal for longer relationships? Maybe I'm not accepting that the honeymoon period doesn't last forever....

With your edit it's more like “she’s a good girl and I don’t want to leaveher.” She has been my rock to lean on since she doesn't get over emotional, which is my catch 22: I want a solid foundation but also more excitement. It might be more because I've been losing my IRL friend circle to life (kids, marriage, too busy) and don't get out like I used to.

Also depression is bullshit. So glad I don't have kids yet.[/B]

Edit: formatting

This post was edited by D34dlycardz on Mar 10 2020 07:55am
ug_warrior(xtc)
#8 Mar 10 2020 08:15am
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Quote (D34dlycardz @ Mar 10 2020 08:52am)
Reflecting on this I can see that's how we built back up to our high points, its a struggle and from what I'm hearing, this is normal for longer relationships? Maybe I'm not accepting that the honeymoon period doesn't last forever....

With your edit it's more like “she’s a good girl and I don’t want to leave/B]her.” She has been my rock to lean on since she doesn't get over emotional, which is my catch 22: I want a solid foundation but also more excitement. It might be more because I've been losing my IRL friend circle to life (kids, marriage, too busy) and don't get out like I used to.

Also depression is bullshit. So glad I don't have kids yet.



I haven’t been in a serious relationship for years, but I can tell you from some women that I’ve been with/talked to recently that the honeymoon phase does wear off quickly and then it’s rather mundane, and you move on, if neither of you are continually trying to keep it going. For me, I think the key is finding someone who’s personality matches mine, someone I want to impress. When I stop feeling like I need to try I lose interest and default to being “just regular and nice.” I stop being funny, sarcastic, trying to charm them, etc.

My best suggestion for you would be to evaluate the following things:
Do I love her?
Would I be happier without her?
What would I do without her? (Engage in more extracurriculars, etc. because you can do those regardless of her being there or not, so think about that as well)
Am I upset with myself/MY situation (work, friends, etc.) and it’s showing up as “my relationship is in shambles!” Is she actually distant and acting different, less sex/affection?

Like I said, I haven’t been in a relationship that’s super serious in a while, but these are some things I’d ask myself if I were in one before deciding to call it quits.

FWIW, my parents recently called it quits a few years back. My dad moved out, they both dated other people, and now they’re back together. Dating is hard and people have baggage. Ultimately I think it came down the old saying of, “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.”

Hope this puts things in perspective for you a little bit! And remember, communication is key in ANY type of relationship, even friendships!
KungPeriodFu
#9 Mar 15 2020 05:55pm
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communication is key.
try new things with her.

if you don't want to then maybe you dont belong together.
Hecht55
#10 Apr 28 2020 05:45pm
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Quote (D34dlycardz @ Mar 9 2020 11:06am)
seeing people on FB going on and on about their SO;


There's your real problem.

Nobody is going to post "ugh frustrated I'm not getting along with my wife right now and I'm not getting any" on public social media.

Facebook is so toxic get off there.

This post was edited by Hecht55 on Apr 28 2020 05:47pm
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