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Jan 26 2020 04:56pm
If you can't trust her then maybe you should leave her. However, it seems like she's been sharing like everything she can with you, and unless there is a legitimate reason (such as that guy is harming her or influencing her negatively) you breaking up any friendship does not look good to say the least.
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Jan 26 2020 05:30pm
Quote (Forg0tten @ Jan 26 2020 09:25am)
I'm not so sure, we've had multiple occasions where we literally had to quit having smoochietime for a few days because she was damaged by the sheer frequency. Why would she look for it with someone else?
Either way, all my alarm bells are going, but if I'm wrong I'd be throwing away what may have been gold. Her story holds true in that she runs into him whether she likes it or not and that they were friends long before they did anything. Breaking up contact would mean she'd be dropped by a friend group very dear to her (she's a first-year, so her social environment isn't very large yet). Plus, my friend circle is important to her. It's the one she was drawn into early on and she hasn't paved much road to other friend groups due to the lack of necessity :p

I think I'm going to go with GLYC's "just see what happens". Her staying at his place was something she had asked upfront because she did not feel like cycling through the forest around 11 PM, and even so, it was in one of our first weeks of dating. She had not had contact with him until he texted at NY (and she has shown this to me with her phone (without me asking lol)). Consider me naive, I want this to work. And if not now, then when do I get over my paranoid attitude?


good luck.
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Jan 26 2020 07:45pm
Quote (Forg0tten @ Jan 26 2020 12:17pm)
(Pardon DP)
Wanted to add, some of our discussions about this particular subject have had me drop a hint that if she still wants that contact with him she should reflect on what he is to her - without me in her corner. And the suggestion of me leaving has left her shattered twice already. That's usually a sign of emotional investment, isn't it? >.> I really think that my actions and positioning in all this is equal to shooting myself in the foot time and again. But I can't help it, the feeling and hesitation is there.


I think with the current gameplan of just rolling with it and overall being chill will pan out like this.

1. Eventually she just gets tired of the guy or they grow distant, both of you keep dating, etc. etc.

2. Things end, maybe drama follows with that guy. She cheats or something else happens, she breaks up with you. Or it seems like this is going to be a permanent thing with him and her always being in frequent connection and you just get tired and pull the pin.

Either way. You can still roll with it. Learn from it and just have fun with it by living in the moment. Worst case scenario, things don't work out (course you could also get royally screwed and have some temporary pain following it) but you still may gain more relationship skills and add some great memories to your pallette outside of that.

This post was edited by GLYC123 on Jan 26 2020 07:58pm
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Jan 27 2020 12:47am
Hit him up and tell him to back off, she is with you now.
He is punking you
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Jan 27 2020 04:13am
Quote (GodSmiter @ Jan 26 2020 11:56pm)
If you can't trust her then maybe you should leave her. However, it seems like she's been sharing like everything she can with you, and unless there is a legitimate reason (such as that guy is harming her or influencing her negatively) you breaking up any friendship does not look good to say the least.


y.. I am well aware. I'm even telling her it's fine if she goes to parties from her scouts where he is at also, but she replied that it'd be weird and she doesn't want to do that.
Anyway, I'm very good at seeing loops and holes in stories people give, and there's none to see in her stories.
I've got my mind set on not letting my doubt take over :-)
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Jan 27 2020 06:06am
Could it be that she wants you to deny her from seeing him? She might want to find out how much you actually care about your relationship.

Nobody likes jealousy, but keeping a girl from spending the night alone at some unknown guys place is not jealousy... It is just common sense :)

That weasel (quite a good nickname) writes at New Years when he is drunk and alone, to someone who already has a guy, really need to grow up!
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Jan 27 2020 06:53am
Quote (ium @ Jan 27 2020 01:06pm)
Could it be that she wants you to deny her from seeing him? She might want to find out how much you actually care about your relationship.

Nobody likes jealousy, but keeping a girl from spending the night alone at some unknown guys place is not jealousy... It is just common sense :)

That weasel (quite a good nickname) writes at New Years when he is drunk and alone, to someone who already has a guy, really need to grow up!


I'm the expressive type. She knows :p
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Jan 29 2020 08:41am
Sleeping over at an exes is not cool if you are with someone else, unless you two have set that boundary.

Honestly, everything is about boundaries. If you tell someone that you want to be exclusive with 1 another and they are sleeping over at some other guy's house, they are violating that boundary. But of course you need to set that boundary.

If you don't like her being with her ex, tell her. It gives her the option. She can either honor it or she can leave. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting boundaries, just make sure you abide by them as well.

The best advice is to be completely open and honest. If you two agree in something open, then you two can be free to go sleep with other people. If you two decide to be exclusive, then you two will stay loyal to each other. It's way better to be straight forward than to be wishy-washy.

1) Being wishy-washy gets confusing and leads to mistakes.
2) Being wishy-washy will always give someone an out if they screw you over

Be straight forward and honest. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be exclusive with someone, nor with wanting to be open. It's all about being clear on your intentions.

This post was edited by ThatDiscoKid on Jan 29 2020 08:44am
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Jan 31 2020 03:48am
If i were in your shoes i would tell her how you feel about it. You have to respect her decisions though, if she still wants to keep in contact with him that's something you'll have to work out.

If she showed you the texts then she clearly does not want to hide anything from you.

The main thing you should as is if you TRUST her. If you can not trust her, then there isn't really a point to any of it.
I've stayed in contact with a few of my exs, and even if i wanted to do anything it would not happen because they wouldn't let anything happen.

I mean, if shes been friends with him for years that can be something that's hard to let go of.
Let her be friends with him, and if it turns out that she was untrustworthy that is not a reflection on you, you trusted her.


Good luck with the whole situation, communication is the hardest part of any relationship.
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Feb 2 2020 06:51am
She asked me to pin a date and call it official. I replied with that we should wait and told her that she needs to reflect for herself upon her situation and find out if I'm the guy she wants or rather the guy that at least she could get.
She's seeing the guy during a party on Saturday and she added that "while she's drunk, he would still be a threat to our relationship". I kinda shrugged it off with "Well, if something happens it was meant to happen sooner or later anyway".

At least for the first time she admitted that he is indeed a rather unfinished chapter. I'm seeing her on wednesday and the party is friday and saturday. I'm anxious to see she will do with her unfinished business with that guy :0
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