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AdamUK
#1 Jan 13 2020 07:03am
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I'll try keep it kind of short and relevant..

A- So first off, I've met a couple of hella nice girls over the past few years that have fell in love with me but after 2 months or so, for me, it's like meh.. And it has become more about keeping them happy rather than enjoying it myself, kind of like a chore to see them and spend time with them. When I say like these 2 girls that come to mind, they really are amazing.. Looking, personality, sex, morals, etc etc.. Wife material you would say. Few other nice girls I've met a few times but been bored and I've upset them like...

B - Anyway, I've been in love twice... One was when I was 14-17, we lost our virginity to each other and learnt a lot together etc over the years we've met up and fucked a few times whilst being single, her family are kinda family friends etc. No hard feelings, a lot of experience learned.

C - Other time was to a girl in our friends group from about 19-22, mad in love with her and she was me, but we were quite toxic. I'm sure I had my part in it, but usually anything I did was in retaliation after not being able to take no more or defending myself. She was very jealous, had all my passwords, checked my phone, tracked my phone, all that bollocks and I was just weak af and did whatever she said. She used to always say she's splitting up with me then put loads of hints etc and wait for me to message her after a couple days (my stubbornness runs out before hers, even though it was her doing I still loved her) We did have a break once for about 3 months after which she text me after a dream she had saying she wasn't over me and wanted to get back with me, I clearly still had feelings for her so we did. More games and abuse, I actually dragged her out of my house after a fight and I've not seen her since a few years ago.

So basically, Since her I've not been in love, that's like 3 years now. At the start of 2019 I quickly got feelings for this girl and we dated for about 2 months. For the first month she was almost perfect and then randomly went like the last one (C) very manipulative and delusional. She would somehow start an argument, say it was me and then act pissy or just not talk to me until I tried to make up with her. I showed my brother and his GF our text conversations and they confirmed like, WTAF, this isn't me just saying girls are shit crazy etc

So my sister thinks that I have some subconscious that attracts me to these crazy ass girls that play games and toy with my emotions, which if you asked me I DO NOT enjoy that shit, it's had me fucked up.
I like the girls like I described in A, it upsets me I couldn't fall in love with those girls. They deserve me, I have a lot to give but for some reason, my emotions haven't evolved for them.

So as above my sister and a couple other people I've spoken to about it think I'm damaged from what I went through with C, but I know I can 'love' still because of the girl at the start of 2019 but in between those, I've felt empty for the girls I've been with, other than I love and appreciate them as people, but I couldn't fall in love with them.

I hope that kind of makes some sense, feel free to ask any questions.

I believe now there's just unspoken connections, spiritually and you can't control who with.
At this stage I would be willing to go through 6 months of hurt just to be in love again for a month, I kind of feel stagnant, empty, void...
I am going backpacking through Asia in February so I'm hoping that will give me a new zest for life and just sort of revitalise me but in the meantime, please speculate and see if there's any perspectives I haven't heard.
xBx
#2 Jan 13 2020 09:53pm
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Sounds like youre too into “love”

Also crazy chicks at first just seem passionate which can lead to those fast feels and totally cover up the crazy. Maybe try and just be single for a bit. Stop looking for love. Youre forcing it and its leaving you hurt.

I wouldnt say youre damaged, im damaged, youre just looking too hard and maybe confusing signs/forcing them.


Enjoy your trip, maybe itll bring some enlightenment and bring back something in you.
AdamUK
#3 Jan 14 2020 04:54am
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Quote (xBx @ Jan 14 2020 03:53am)
Sounds like youre too into “love”

Also crazy chicks at first just seem passionate which can lead to those fast feels and totally cover up the crazy. Maybe try and just be single for a bit. Stop looking for love. Youre forcing it and its leaving you hurt.

I wouldn't say youre damaged, im damaged, youre just looking too hard and maybe confusing signs/forcing them.


Enjoy your trip, maybe itll bring some enlightenment and bring back something in you.


Hmm, the first bit about passion covering the crazy seems legit, makes total sense.
e/ damn, fr I've not heard or thought of that before, I think you're spot on with that. I'm quite passionate so maybe that's why I'm going for the crazy chicks who seem to be passionate too. :baby:

I don't THINK I'm looking hard for love so to speak, I'm pretty laid back and just keeping shit to friends with benefits for now until I find a connection if that makes sense? Like it is what it is, when girls ask me on tinder "what I'm on there for" I'm just like, "whatever finds me... You can't control the connections you make".

This post was edited by AdamUK on Jan 14 2020 04:55am
2PM
#4 Jan 14 2020 08:17am
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In response to A,
From experience, dating someone that's basically a best friend can result in a longer and healthier relationship; and it won't feel like a responsibility.
I jumped into several relationships really fast after meeting. Sure, it lasted over a year for me but I felt how you felt, it kinda felt like a task that I gotta keep them happy.
I decided to take my time. Took 2 months or 3 to get to know someone. See them as friend first and not potential sexual partner. Lust can really alter how you view someone versus how they really are. And yeah, people tend to sell the best version of themselves upon first impression but once they're bought; that's when you see their true colors. Haha I'm no better, I was really sweet and romantic. But now I'm lazy :')
xBx
#5 Jan 14 2020 08:33am
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Quote (AdamUK @ Jan 14 2020 04:54am)
Hmm, the first bit about passion covering the crazy seems legit, makes total sense.
e/ damn, fr I've not heard or thought of that before, I think you're spot on with that. I'm quite passionate so maybe that's why I'm going for the crazy chicks who seem to be passionate too. :baby:


I don't THINK I'm looking hard for love so to speak, I'm pretty laid back and just keeping shit to friends with benefits for now until I find a connection if that makes sense? Like it is what it is, when girls ask me on tinder "what I'm on there for" I'm just like, "whatever finds me... You can't control the connections you make"
.


it only sprang to mind cause my cousin is doing that same thing. keep telling her to calm her tits, this ones crazy "nah hes just passionate" lol

oh okay, i mighta just misread more into the comments about finding someone. have a military friend whos got a habit of love hoping. runs out quick and he leaves a messy situation to start another in his search for "love" lol


in any event, i hope it all works out for ya adam =)
INSAN3
#6 Jan 17 2020 11:48am
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so i took my time to read your post and really everything you have been through
is part of what life has to offer to us...you should really look into the positive
side of all this.. and that should be, what did you learn from all this???
that is called what life has to teach us.. the good feelings and the problems
that we soon learn how solve.. it should help you moving forward to identify them
again before they become problems...
now about the love part this is a tricky matter but i will try my best to express
what i have learned about this matter..
first dont let the emotions get to you before using what comes in mind...with this
being said you have to think about what you are looking for in a girl.. if your looking
for wify material than think what qualities should this girl have and be reasonable
because with this you will have to struggle with some issues but these should never over come
what you love about the girl...for example if you wish to have kids make sure the
girl u find is caring with kids and not grumpy around them.. you can see this quality
reflected as well with how she is with elderly ppl since they need the same patient as
kids.. that is just and example but something you have to sit down and think about once
you have this set with what you need them to have, than comes the second step.. fish hunting to the
girl.. but having your mind set with what your looking for will def help you not
for the C options again.. if u need any other explanation feel free to pm. ^_^

This post was edited by INSAN3 on Jan 17 2020 11:49am
DaR
#7 Apr 1 2020 08:07am
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Quote (2PM @ Jan 14 2020 10:17am)
In response to A,
From experience, dating someone that's basically a best friend can result in a longer and healthier relationship; and it won't feel like a responsibility.
I jumped into several relationships really fast after meeting. Sure, it lasted over a year for me but I felt how you felt, it kinda felt like a task that I gotta keep them happy.
I decided to take my time. Took 2 months or 3 to get to know someone. See them as friend first and not potential sexual partner. Lust can really alter how you view someone versus how they really are. And yeah, people tend to sell the best version of themselves upon first impression but once they're bought; that's when you see their true colors. Haha I'm no better, I was really sweet and romantic. But now I'm lazy :')


true story
SentientAI737
#8 Apr 25 2020 07:29pm
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Find a good Hmong chick

loyal, hard working, loving, masters at being on top

They fought the vietcong and were hunted across Asia until the Americans flew them to the States.


Hard to find but very very precious
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