I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over 2.5 years. Obviously we've shared a ton of memories together over that course of time. We had one stretch where we hit a low, talked it over, I broke up with her for a week, then we got back together after both of us talked it out again.

She's my first girlfriend, and we've been living together for over a year now. We both enjoy each other's company, have a great time on trips, etc. She doesn't like some things about me, and I don't like some things about her. Mainly, she's a bit selfish. Whenever something comes up about her wanting to do something or eat somewhere or etc, she'll say no i don't wanna do that, eat there, etc. But she never considers or thinks about if I wanted to. Next, she's not sacrificial in this relationship in doing things for me. If I ask her to go to the grocery store after work to pick up some sauce we need for dinner, she'll 100% say no. I would do whatever she asks. She needs me to do the simplest of things that she could easily do on her own. She won't even cook dinner by herself. Always wants me to chop up some veges, or help her out in some way, and she'll be mad if I don't help (and i already cook 90% of the time).

There are smaller things that I won't bother to mention, but the above are the biggest reasons I broke up with her the first time. I gave it a second chance since she said she would work on it. Not much has changed since then, she made a little progress but nothing to make me impressed. I'm forced to make a decision right now, as she thinks I'm going to renew another 1 year apartment lease with her, moving to another nearby city. The first breakup was hard because we still had 6 months left on the lease. Right now is good because we're living month to month, but she wants to move. I don't want to be locked into another year contract if I'm not sure that we won't breakup. So now I feel like I have to make my decision here and now. For me, it's either go all in, move forward with the mentality that I may marry her, despite her flaws, or break up with her now.

She is my first girlfriend, so I have this constant thought in my head that I should explore my options. I'm still young at age 25, and I didn't spend much time dating around in college and my early 20's. I feel like a better girl for me is out there waiting for me. Another part of me feels like, I might find a more caring girlfriend, but what if her personality isn't as great as my current girlfriend? I'm just afraid of breaking up and regretting it when I can't find a better girl. I also enjoy the idea of finding a more beautiful girl as well. My girlfriend is decently pretty, but I know I could do better, considering I'll be spending the rest of my life with this girl. The memories...our matching personalities...fear of not finding a better match... versus hope of finding a more caring girlfriend to call my wife, more beautiful girl, explore my options, dating around and enjoying my 20's that I've missed out on so far by being in a relationship (enjoy the going out single life).

I'm torn... 50/50 and need help making a decision. What is best for me at this stage in my life? I think the most appealing part of breaking up is enjoying the single life dating around, but the fear of losing her and not finding someone better is holding me back because what I have right now isn't too too bad. It could be better. Would I be settling if I stay with this girl? Would it eventually lead to bigger problems down the road? Is there a girl out there that I will find with better aspects all around?

Please help! Thank you

This post was edited by Underneath on Sep 24 2019 04:28pm

I could try to imagine what I would do, although it is your life and your decision. If I was in a relation with someone and we had good memories, great time together, then it would be priority for me, despite of no ballance in houseworks which was major disadvantage mentioned by you (cooking is one of examples and someone may be not skilled in this area, you may also want to consider bigger picture, including cleaning, shopping, financial support with expenses and many other things). Everyone may have own preferences and understanding of word beauty, however trying to consider whether it's possible to find someone "better" in these terms, is not approach that I would personally agree with, it could cause girl to feel much worse if she knew it. I could be able to write more if more details were given, concerning some different areas than cooking and shopping, "sacrificial" can have a lot of meanings, for me important would be everyday conversations, things that we do together, willingness to do something spontaneously, loyalty and being by my side regardless of outside conditions. Looks like it is everything that I am able to say here, other users will probably be able to add something more helpful, good luck.

At the end of the day people don't really change. I don't know about you but whats the point of a relationship if the other person is selfish and doesn't sacrifice? Sounds terrible. You do you. I would find a new girl who actually makes an effort.

Edit: Lol I just read the full post. She doesnt even help with cooking? And demands u help her? Wow. this is a no brainer

This post was edited by Bellamy on Sep 24 2019 06:02pm

Greetings Underneath

First of all, if you are allowing her to control you by giving in to her every whim then you are causing your own problems. Man up and don't settle for someone who manipulates you and makes you unhappy. If she doesn't care about your feelings then she doesn't care about you at all. Sounds like she is just using you as a man bitch. Doesn't matter if she's your 100th girlfriend, she obviously knows how to manipulate you and you are allowing it to continue by staying with her. The reason you are acting like you are and taking her crap is because you fear you won't find anyone better, that's absolutely the opposite perspective to what you should have. Yes you are plenty young enough to find someone who appreciates you. Stand your ground, leave her, 100% move out. If i'm honest you are just as much to blame for her taking advantage of you as she is for doing it, because you have allowed her to do it to you. She won't respect that weak mindset that you have. You need to get out and rethink your entire approach. Next time, YOU have to be the man in the relationship, and take control. Women will walk all over a weak man, and that is a fact. Also looks aren't everything, and judging by how this girl has turned you into her man servant, I would forget the idea of finding a more beautiful woman, unless you enjoy being chewed up and spat out. If you do all the things I have mentioned and your ex comes begging you back then you can give it another shot from a position of power, but do not turn into a little bitch again, or it's going to go back to how it was. If she doesn't make effort to get you back then you know she was never worth it and she was just using you. But I would say starting a fresh is possibly the best way forward. Also don't go moving in with a girl so soon, you need your own space to focus on yourself and not be at the mercy of a female 24/7 while you are focusing on personal development and your career. Those two things are the main priority at your age, keep the women for a bit of fun on your days off till you are where you want to be with your career.

That's my opinion anyway. At the end of the day you do what you feel is best, it's your life and even if you make mistakes, you will learn valuable lessons from them either way, so go ahead and live your life.

All the best

Agreed 100%

Unfortunately guy will stay with her. People often look for confirmation bias online.

Thanks for the input, but I need to clarify that I do those things for her because I WANT to because I love her. I would love to have a girl have that same desire as well, doing whatever for me because she wants to.

Also, I should have mentioned that she has school AND work (I only work 25 hrs a week but get paid full time), so she is a lot busier than I am, therefore it simply makes more sense for me to do most of the cooking. However, I'm saying on her days off where she doesn't have work and doesn't have much school work, she still needs me to help her, when it would be nice for her to do it on her own, since I always do it on my own as well. She's not manipulative haha, she simply has less time than I do. That's also why if I do break up with her, I'm not dating a girl that's still in school anymore, unless it's her last year in grad school.

Furthermore, I'm actually quite glad I moved in with her after only 1.5 years together. All the small things that we hate about each other surfaced, so I'm glad I figured those things out early rather than later where it would be even harder to break up with her because we woulda been together for more than our current 2.5 years. This way, it saves me wasted time, if I do end up deciding to break up with her.

Why did you even post? You're not gonna break up. Your just looking for confirmation bias so you feel better about your choice (staying with her) Some nice guys and virgins here will eventually agree with you.

She's disrespecting you but you don't even see it

So you just sat and validated her not respecting you. And you wonder why you are in this situation in the first place. Listen, if you were in a happy healthy relationship you wouldn't have made the op in the first place. Don't sit there and tell me she's taking you for granted and then make excuses for her behavior in the follow up post. Sorry to say it but you're going to have to learn the hard way. You may sink the best years of your life into something that bites you in the ass here, infact, I'm almost certain that's exactly what you are going to do on listening to the perspective that you have. It's exactly like Bellamy said, why did you post if you were just going to defend the behaviour that you find unacceptable in your op. You don't need to move in with a girl to know that they are designed to swallow up all your free time. The quality of woman you can obtain is directly related to how successful you are in your life, not how many times you can bow down and allow a woman to walk all over you, if it were that easy every weak beta bitch would have a model for a wife. Focus on yourself, work hard, when you have got your shit together and you are making things happen the women worth having will recognize that and you will get someone worth having, who respects you, and will probably act the same way you are acting right now and then some. It's natural for the woman to be submissive and the male to be dominant in a relationship, that's how it's always been since the dawn of time, and that's how a healthy relationship works. If I ask my girl to grab me something from the shop on the way home, she better have a good excuse not to. "I've had a hard day at work" is not an excuse. She better be in A&E with her leg hanging off before she comes with an excuse. Screw sinking all your precious time into someone who won't return the favour, especially at your age. That girl is going to suck you dry, and I'm not talking about the obvious. Leave her ass, move out while you still can. Yeah I know I make it sound easy, and you are sat there scared and weak with all this stress and 500 excuses not to man up floating around your head, but until you see the light first hand you probably won't accept what I'm saying as truth. It usually sinks in when it's too late and you've wasted the best years of your life, settled for a mediocre job because some girl who you thought would stick with you forever has swollowed up all your time and you've not reached your potential because of it. Put yourself first and regain some dignity. If not, then you will come back and read this in a few years time when she's kicked your ass to the curb because she's found a man who makes her feel like a woman or she's pushed you to the point where you had to leave before you ended up taking your own life or doing something equally repugnant. You probably think that could never happen to you, but it happens all the time to weak men. It's why they say good guys always finish last. Women do not see what you do for them as something to be grateful for, they perceive it as weakness. You'll thank me someday when all this comes true and you look back and say, that MF on the jsp forums was right all along. Unfortunately you need to make these mistakes before the truth manifests in you. But I feel after reading this you may recognise it quicker and not chase your tail for longer than you need to.

Find your passion, set your goals, get on your journey to becoming the best person you can be. Don't waste your time thinking the more you put into a relationship the better it's going to be. She won't repay you for all your work and effort. Women buy into a man's strength of character, his success or potential success and how secure of a provider you are. If you are that weak that you will spend your time licking her ass instead of achieving your goals then how exactly are you going to be a strong reliable provider and protector for her potential offspring some day. That's how a woman's mind works. It's a test, and you are failing. But don't be down on yourself, everyone fails the first time, and most fail more than that. Many a man has sacrificed his life to a woman, only for her to cheat on him and leave his ass for another man. They are not capable of the same type of love as men are. You will never get unconditional love from a woman. As soon as you lose your job or fall upon hard times she's bailing on you no matter how much she told you she loved you and would never leave you the day before. Keep that in mind.

All the best

This post was edited by LarryTheLoafer on Sep 25 2019 03:46am

I suspect if you force the equality you want (ie. Only doing 50% of cooking or whatever) she will not want to continue the relationship but generally my advice is the "fuck it, im doing what i want, lets see if this shit comes crashing down" method.

Ah, I understand how you perceive a relationship to be. Man = alpha male dominant, woman = submissive. I respect that, and I agree to a certain extent, not fully in the way you explained however. I'm more of an equal/equal kind of guy when it comes to doing things in the relationship. I definitely feel like a girl should do most of the cooking/cleaning, etc, but if she's working and she has a successful career like my girl does (she's a pharmacist), then I'm all for equality 50/50. Not sure where you got this "she's taking up all your time so you have a mediocre job" is coming from. At 25, I've worked as an engineer and supervisor in the aerospace manufacturing industry, and now work for the government doing air quality, where I'm certain I will retire here, so I would say I've had a pretty successful career thus far. Me doing things for her, I do SIMPLY because I have a lot more time than she does, and it just makes sense for me to do them for that reason. No need to overanalyze that, saying she's manipulating me and I don't even realize it, or stepping all over me (in response to Bellamy). That's just crazy talk, out of misunderstanding the situation.

All I was wondering is, am I being a fool for considering leaving her and all these memories behind, for the 2 reasons I mentioned? And mentioned my fear of not finding better, which you guys have reassured me, that yes I am young and have time to search the sea. Bellamy, sorry but you simply do not understand why I posted. As I've said, I'm 50/50, and yet you think I'm looking for some kind of "confirmation bias"? I've done some thinking over the past few days, and I'll have to say I'm actually leaning towards breaking up with her. I just need to make sure my head is straight, and I've thought it over fully, before pulling the trigger for good.




Thanks for the input

This post was edited by Underneath on Sep 25 2019 03:38pm