for those that dont know me jsp has always been a big part of my life i was private catholic schooled raised by my grandparents, enlisted in the military in 2006 served 6 years with the us army special forces.. my last few weeks of my 3rd combat deployment i was hit with a ied.. i spent months in a coma and during my coma my grandparents passed away.... they were the last of my family so im a lone survivor now. upon leaving the military hospital my military saving of all but the 1k i had spent in a total of 6 years was drained by the girl id been with since 6th grade. i didnt care about the money i just wanted to come home to my girl.... i came back to new york got a min wage job walked 15 miles to work and back even during the harsh upstate new york winters... i was not able to survive the cost of living on 160 to 200 a week and pay 1200 a month with nothing included for the cheapest one bedroom i could find... i tried this for 2 or 3 years and decided enough was enough and on advice of my lifelong childhood friend whom was from WV i up and packed and moved down here we had had moved when he was 15 or so.... i got here within 3 days found out he had developed a severe drug addict and as a non drinker christian and a anti drug user i quickly broke contact never to speak again. i was hit by a ied in afganistan in the head which left me with a severe traumatic brain injury and for the last 5 years ive been struggling just to survive.. i have spent the last 8 months sleeping in the woods trying to get the veterans administration to push forward with my disability checks but due to lack of money ive never had a phone on internet or a roof over my head and im just roaming trying to survive the best i can.... recently i started getting a 60 percent service connection check which is barely enough just to cover my rent and my utilities are off including my water and ive just been kind of floating here... im unable to work now i have developed a even worse depression then i already had and i have begun to give up hope my situation will ever change... diablo2 has always been my cope my childhood was spent in a abusive home playing d2 sometimes for 40+ hours straight... i have seriously put a ton of work into finding some stability thru a job but the area im in has nothing... i feel so down right now... i managed to get a tablet pc enroll in college for my computer science degree and for the last year i have been walking with it to the local stores with wifi to do what i have to do and play a little d2... tonight... my tablet bricked i was trying to increase my fps thru bios and i totally fried my entire system... im at my ropes end people and i just cant do this anymore... i seriously need help its been a long time just holding on and im not trying to get anyones pity here but please pray for me. i dont know where my mind is taking me right now and im extremely lost.. i dont know what to do anymore 22 veterans a day commit suicide and i always prided myself on having the thoughts but knowing i was strong enough to get through this alone as i have been. theres not much more i can say... this country doesnt care about the burdens people like me have had to face... i choose to enlist in the military because i had been with a girl since 6th grade behind my families back.. they had pushed me all thru private catholic school and forced me to accept a scholarship in rome to study and become a roman catholic priest and my only escape from the pressure and them was to enlist. currently my life is in shambles im going up to a week some times without eating my waters been off for months i am mowing lawns borrowing anyones mower who will let me just to keep my power on and im borrowing neighbors wifi.. i worked very hard and used the backpay from the small check the VA gave me to get into my apartment but now its all dwindled down to me just being out of options. it has been a long road for me here on jsp i have had many friends and much success here on the site. i cant say for sure if tommorow will be promised for me but please pray and i thank you all for the friendships throughout the years and im sorry i never disclosed everything im battling over the years to anyone.
This post was edited by PureDemise on Sep 19 2019 04:46am