Goddamit! Where do i even start with this? I met this girl... well not actually, 3 months ago she was transferred in my division at the firm i work for. I'm not gonna bore you with the essence of our job, because it's boring and because my english sucks, so the less unnecessary details i share, the better the chance to understand what i'm saying. All i'm going to say is that during the summer the work increases and others are transferred from different branches of the firm (from neighbor cities) to fill the gaps... so this is how we ended up working together.

Now let me give you a little context, so you can paint the picture of my pain. I'm a 33 years old male and i have been in a few relationships before, thinking that i knew what being in love means. Well, it turns out i was clueless about love, until now, and i have no idea how i let this to happen to me, especially at my age. Here's how it went...

One day i arrive at work and i meet with Angie (not her actual name, but i'll refer to her this way). She was just an average 26 years old girl who didn't impress me at all at first. Of course i looked at her as nothing more than a new colleague... after all, i'm not a predator who looks at every woman as a sexual object. In fact there are a lot of way hotter women working at the same firm, but i never felt anything towards them, not even a crush, even though i work with them for years.

At first, Angie was incredibly shy and socially awkward, but from day one i begin to develop a suspicion that we may have a lot in common... and i was right about that. One month passes and the more and more i get to know her, i start to develop nothing more than a friendly sympathy towards her. She plays video games (and Diablo btw), like me. She loves science fiction and fantasy movies/tv shows, like me. She's a huge fan of all sorts of metal genres, just like me! All that led to me having friendly feelings for her, but that's all... well, until one morning, about 2 months ago... I woke up and she was there, in my head and she never left since then. Yes, just like that... and i'll try to explain it.
My feeling weren't that bad at first, but then i begun to think about the things i actually like about her and i went completely mad in love. It's not our common pop culture interests (they are just a bonus) that make her special in my eyes, it's everything else. She's the most natural and kind person i have ever met, there's nothing fake about her. The way she talks, the way she acts are just... real, you know... she doesn't try to impress anyone, or act smart, or try to be something she's not. NO, she's just her, and i never met a girl like this before. She doesn't look like the hot woman stereotype in my country. She doesn't wear the latest fashion, she has her own style that fits her perfectly, and still manages to look good without wearing any make up or elaborate hairstyle. In other words - she's just simple in a way that makes her gorgeous in my eyes. There's something about her look, that pierces through my very soul, every time she looks me in the eye... that look completely turns my world upside down and drives me insane to a point that i just want to scream, I LOVE YOU AND I'LL DIE FOR YOU IF I MUST. But i just can't admit how i feel and i'll explain why bellow in the post.

I also found out (or at least i have a strong suspicion) that she's incredibly lonely. She comes from a small town and in the time we spent together at work, all the conversations we had, she never mentioned having friends, or doing something with friends. I know she has online friends from different movie/gaming/book forums (thank God she doesn't know d2jsp, because i wouldn't be sharing this otherwise), she mentioned them and she also messaging them in the lunch breaks. That realization makes me even more drawn to her, as i want to be there for her... the two of us be there for each other. You see... i'm no stranger to loneliness and depression, i experienced them a few years ago and i had to fight my way out of their dark clutches... that was a period of my life that i wouldn't dare to wish upon my worst enemy and it kills me to see the girl that i love being in a similar state.

In other words, i never felt like this in my entire life. This has to be true love and i FUCKING HATE IT! It hurts me physically and mentally, because i'm too afraid to share my feelings. Normally i'm not all that afraid to be rejected by a girl, sure, i hate it (who doesn't), but rejection from the girl of my dreams... the one that i feel it's meant for me... the type of girl that you only meet once in a lifetime... that type of rejection will certainly kill me. It doesn't help the fact that she doesn't seem to be into me. Sure, it's possible that she could have some feelings towards me, but there are no clues of that... and when two people are attracted to each other, there are always visible clues - ALWAYS, with no exceptions. I leave her clues all the time... to a point that a few other colleagues already have suspicions about my obsession with her and they joke with me about it, while i neither deny or admit the truth. I already know so much about her, through conversations with her, or my own conclusions, but how much does she know about me? ALMOST NOTHING! Well, like i already said, she know what type of games, music and movies i like but outside of that she doesn't seem interested to get to know me as a person. Sometimes i ask questions about her, about her life, about her personality and we might end up talking a lot about her while i always listen with interest. But she never asks anything about me, and if i try to share a story or just give her a part of me, she doesn't seem interested and the conversation dies out almost immediately... It get's to the point that is really hard for me to talk to her, because we can only ramble about games, movies so much... and i eventually find myself completely helpless and just spiel jokes (which she likes but they don't help my case, because she a different type of girl) till the rest of the shift. You might say that i've been "friend zoned", but at least friends hang out together... NO, i'm not in the friend zone... i'm in no zone at all!

But the worst thing of all is that i have a huge suspicion that she might end up being asexual. Don't ask me how, cause it's going to be hard to explain, but there's something about her that indicates that she may not be attracted to any gender. I wonder what's worst, her not being into relationships, or her not being into me? The first will crush my hopes entirely, the second still leaves me with a small chance to win her over one day.

However, sooner or later, no matter what, i have to tell her how i feel, or this is going to be the end of me. I tried a lite approach by suggesting to play games online in our spare time, but she doesn't have her PC with her, so that's not going work. Then i suggested that we should do it after the summer when she'll be back home and that way we can keep in touch during the winter months. Well, she agreed and gave me her facebook page and skype, but again she didn't seemed very interested to talk about the stuff we can do together online, so guess what? This online relationship might end up being just a another form of torture for me. But sooner or later she'll find out the truth, one way or another. She'll be gone by the end of october and i'm not going to see her again until june. Maybe my wounds will heal in that period, by i wouldn't bet on that. How about i ask her on a date right now? Well, first of all, remember what i said about me being rejected by her. And second, how am i suppose to work with her if she rejects me. At this point i feel that rejection is almost certain, so i have to take an incredibly slow approach an keep torturing myself.

As a closing words, all i have to say is - WHY? Why is this happening to me, i never felt so devastated in my entire life. Last night i even cried.... and normally i don't burst in to tears easily, but i'm completely broken at this point so i wasn't surprised. I can't do anything, i haven't watched a movie, played a game, or do the stuff i normally do, because Angie is in my head all the time and i want to do the things i love together with her. I can't even hang out with friends because my mind is somewhere else all the time. Every day a piece of my soul dies as wake up in the morning, and the first thought the pierces my mind is that i cannot be with the girl i love.

I can't share this with anyone but you guys. My real life friends will never understand how i feel... i know them well and none of them has experienced my pain. The only real life person i shared this story with, was my older brother, who kinda laughed off and didn't took seriously the fact that a 33 year old man can allow this to happen to him. So why do i share this with you? Well i'm NOT looking for advise, i look for people who can relate to what i feel. To the rest of you, i hope you never end up like that, you have no idea how bad this is. Love hurts more than you can possibly imagine.

This post was edited by KillingIsMyBusiness on Aug 15 2019 05:46pm

And business is good.

Damn that blows. Its a shame you're working together directly. Might help to get some distance cause it sounds like you're in deep.

First of all I'd like to say that your English is great. The easiest way to do it is to just stop her at some point when you're talking and be like "Hey, you wanna hang out sometime? There's this ____ that I've really wanted to check out. You should come." Fill in the blank with something of mutual interest. Band/arcade/lan center/museum/whatever it is you guys have in common and would be entertaining to both of you. You should be able to gauge her reaction from being put on the spot from something like that and go from there. If she agrees you can have a couple of "meetings" like that and if your interest level is still there you can pursue something higher.

Hi, I remember reading your post short after publication, and it is not easy to write anything that could be potentially helpful. My best advice would be to continue spending time together, talking, without thinking too much about things that may be true or not (I would find it very hard to try conclude something about these personality traits that you mentioned, without being medicine or psychology specialist). She may be undecided to ask about you due to being unsure whether something would not be too private question. I know that it is easy to say, but maybe would be better to don't think in terms of love, before getting to know someone better (I didn't find information in text about how long you know her already). You also asked about being rejected after inviting to date, and my answer here would be that meeting after work does not need to be called as date, it can be just going out to spend time doing something, depending on someone interests, it may be theater, cinema, concert. I will check your topic for updates and write again if I can add anything helpful. Wishing you good luck:)

This post was edited by icecool on Aug 17 2019 09:04am

Tank you all for the replies, i really appreciate it!



I don't see how... i have to quit my well payed job in a place where i have worked for years, building a steady position. But even if that wasn't the case, i don't really want to distance myself from her. Despite all the pain my feelings are causing me, i want to be as close to her as possible, because i truly believe that i'll never meet another girl like her for the rest of my life... so i can't run away, even if i end up with a broken heart.



Yes, i kinda did that actually, it was a few weeks ago. You see, she doesn't know anyone outside of work, so i'm probably her closest "friend/person" in the entire city. As a result she doesn't go out, her schedule is pretty much - work -> grocery shopping -> home -> repeat... she admitted it. So i said to her "Come on, you can't do this all summer, you're in a new place, make the best of it while you're here, you can count on me to show you your way around town"... something along those lines... her answer was "maybe sometimes". Well, nothing since then. Now... there's an upcoming event in mid september, that i believe she'd love to go to, so i might casually invite her when that date approaches. I'll even buy the tickets in advance and then pretend it was a last moment purchase or something, after she gives me her answer of course. But what will happen then, only God knows... if she refuses, it will be like a dagger in the heart... if she agrees, i still might be too afraid to make a move and share my feelings... i probably shouldn't do it in our first "date undercover" anyway, but on the other hand, that date might be our only one, before she leaves in october. So once again, lot's of questions with no answers. You see what i mean? If i wasn't that crazy in love, i would've known what to do, but now i have doubts and question every possible decision i have to make.



You're right about all those things, but i just can't help it. I'm not a master in psychology, but it doesn't take a genius to know when someone has issues. I'm pretty sure she's lonely, like i said she doesn't go out, all she has is her at work interactions and her world online. One might think that this helps my case, as i can really fill the gap in her life... yet she doesn't show any signs of affection towards me. Maybe she lives in denial, believing that she doesn't need anyone. I know because i was the same i few years ago... i turned my back on the entire world, thinking that i don't need anything and anyone. All that led to me ruining a few good years of my youth that could've been great and memorable, but i felt a victim of depression. Add to that her shyness and it's pretty obvious that this girl lacks real social interactions. She was difficult to talk too the first couple of days after she arrived. After these first few days she became more relaxed when talking to me, but it was me who broke the ice wall. Now, almost 3 months later, she's completely relaxed and even admitted how hard it was to gain confidence at the start... i love that she did that btw, like i said, she's just real, she doesn't pretend to be something she's not. And yet, even though there's no wall between us now, she seems so out of reach.

About her sexuality... Ok, there's no way to know, but my suspicion lies on something she said. I'm not gonna quote her, because there's still 1% chance that she might find this topic one day... after all she's a Diablo player, don't forget that. But about what she said... it sounded like a joke and if it really was a joke, then everything is 100% fine... but if she was serious about it, then there's 50% chance that she's asexual. I wonder if my reaction to "the joke" gave her a clue about my feelings, i went completely dark and silent that day, but she never asked if there's something wrong and that made it even more painful for me.

Not thinking in terms of love before i get to know her better? But how? I didn't choose for this to happen to me... it just happened and it's the first time i feel this crazy about a girl, so i'm completely unprepared and i don't know how to deal with it. There's no written rules about love, i realize that now. Just because i don't know her for years, or i'm not in a relationship with her, it doesn't mean that i can't love her... because i totally do and i believe that she's the ONE... the only one i ever wanted and the one i've searched for my entire life without knowing it. Besides, it feels like i already know so much about her personality wise, she truly is an angel in my eyes. What can i possibly do to counter these feelings? Do i even want to counter them? I don't know... All i know is that i didn't chose to feel this way... it's both beautiful, devastating and it's killing me slowly... but it happened and i have to deal with it.

This post was edited by KillingIsMyBusiness on Aug 19 2019 02:34pm

if you like the girl, ask her out and if she refuses, you should really stay nice to her at job, keep complimenting her(just a bit).

she will see that first, you are mature, and second, you are interested in her specifically and not for her body or to just have a woman.

Dont try to manipulate her emotionally( stop talking to her, to create a reaction from her)

Just be yourself man, and dude, if you like the girl, ALWAYS stay nice to her, and execute her desire.

It doesnt really matter if she say no at first, she could have just gotten out of another relationship.

a no is rarely personal. Be a Man, and be a fucking gentlemen to her no matter what.

and also, dont make your own conclusion, it could be devastating. Just listen to her and take her for words. If you like her, you should also trust her. Show her your trust.

When you like a girl, seeing her happy is the best medal.

And its common to feel love for somebody you dont know completely, dont feel bad for it, embrace it.

This post was edited by mcmbowinc on Nov 3 2019 05:12pm

i was thinking about this while trying to fall asleep, and i have felt that way before, let me tell you how i got out.

i realized i was being selfish, everything was pointed towards me.

i only have 1 advise.. and this is something i learned off a while back... "things that are alike get to like each other" let me explain this.. you will never hang out with anyone who dont share anything in common with you... this is human law... so if you feel good being with her and working with her then this is a mutual feeling... so that gives you a head lead.. now the only thing left for you is to convert these feelings and likeness into something more and the only way to do that is to risk it.. ask her out of her comfort zone... if you can do this then the rest will be eazy.. and with this i mean u gotta ask her out... and dont focus on this ideal of her not being into a relationship, act ignorant to this