How can I put this?
How can we explain what has happened in the last few days?
In my heart and body....
I had my third operation in almost 4 months.
It is difficult for me to make a good decision on this even though I know very well what happened, emotionally it is very difficult to manage. It exhausted me, and all the questions I had: I was right to ask myself.
When I came to my appointment after going to nuclear medicine last week, I went straight to my appointment on Tuesday, October 29 after taking my blood tests: my foot still unconsolidated, what explains besides the infection the eternal problem my bones have caused?
It's very clear to everyone, my foot is black in a few places, it runs all the time and it's open... the swelling has taken its toll.
Is it my body that rejects the metal? Why do I react so much to bacteria? What makes it all come back the way it was (infection) even after six weeks of ferocious intravenous antibiotics and even surgery to clean it up?
What could I honestly have done better? I stayed in the hospital for hours. I disturbed my loved ones, I had a car accident on a bridge (someone ran away directly after catching my car), I cried hard on the phone, I walked on my swollen foot, killed my ego, waited hours in my car because only God knows how terrible Montreal's parking lots are.
And yet, despite all this
I was completely distraught when the doctor had his eyes opened like that when he saw my wound.
I saw his insistent tone begging me to stay in the hospital that night. I told him I'd come back in the morning.
And that night, despite my hatred, I cried.
I am angry at life for tearing this peace away from me. I still don't understand her.
I've been in the hospital for six days.
I had my third operation on November 1, 2019.