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Jul 27 2019 08:37am
This has been eating at me for months now. I've never been afraid of death in my 27 years on this earth because I always believed "to life is Christ and to die is gain." That changed in December when I left my band. I had poured all of my effort, emotion, soul, and skill into our music; they lied, stabbed me in the back and betrayed me. I lost my love for music and playing guitar (had been playing/writing for ~11 years). Soon after I started to fear death, to be afraid of the nothingness I may become. I'm terrified of the idea of 'eternity'; the scope and implications of it wither its in a glorious heaven or complete nothingness/dream state.

After all my life being devoted to the Lord: worshiping, sacrifice, devotions, and prayer.... I feel my faith is shattered right now. All because I can't think of anything else. I cant stop thinking at night, I cant focus on God. I feel my accomplishments are worthless because my body will be reduced to ash in the end and I don't know how to carry on now.
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Jul 28 2019 06:39am
You seem seriously depressed. I'm not going to offer a platitude to you but I will say that the path to self love is self care and make sure you are doing things for yourself. Make sure you are eating meals you put care into, physically move your body and do activities to do this because it's easy to forget to, and sometimes it is hard to do when you aren't receiving the joy from things you usually do... but you have to do it because you are worth it.

I've struggled with mental health over the years and the most effective way to deal with depression is to be aware of it and that it is a finite experience with an end...it may not feel like it will end in the moment but our wise mind tells us it will abate...and to make a promise to yourself that you are worth taking care of and keeping that promise no matter now hard it can be in a moment.

I am sorry your band betrayed you. Your music will come back to you, and will likely improve from the experience. Your friends betrayed you: forgive them and move on. I'm not saying be friends with them or act like things are cool...I'm saying you have to find a way to stop carrying that around with you so that you are not poisoned by it.

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Sep 12 2019 08:24am
Things change, people change. This might be just a phase of yours. Do not give up and remind yourself of what you used to think and how you used to feel about death. I have no fear of it whatsoever
If I knew I'm dying tomorrow I would have no fear, just some regrets regarding usage of given time.
Christianity accepted reincarnation as part of a belief until Constantin changed it back in Constantinopol (Istanbul now). There are proofs of reincarnation as well, but that belief faded away in christianity. Things change, but even if we just die and go to heaven or simply reincarnate, nothing changes for you. You won't be aware of it. Live your life and don't be bothered with what comes after.

Living in fear can bring no good
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Sep 12 2019 12:35pm
I forgot about this post, sorry for not responding to Skinned.

It was definitely a hard depression i was in. Since then (and thanks to some kind DMs) I have pushed myself again.

I swallowed my pride and got SSRIs from my Dr, I cut way back on drinking/smoking, I starting going to the gym regularly, I opened up to my closest friends about this and welcomed their encouragement and support, I am church hunting again (haven't found one I liked for almost 8 years), and praying more.

SylvesterStallone, you said exactly what I would have told myself years ago, before life stressed and burned me out. Thank you.

Today is going much better. I found an old cross necklace I used to wear since high school and I started investing time with God. I feel a little warmer in my chest now and starting to reach out to music again (thanks to a friend pestering me every week to write more).

More importantly, I decided that I need to socialize more. I've spent too much time introverted when I KNOW I am extroverted. That is my current goal for the next 2 months.

Again, thank you all so much.
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Sep 12 2019 01:57pm
Quote (D34dlycardz @ Sep 12 2019 07:35pm)
I forgot about this post, sorry for not responding to Skinned.

It was definitely a hard depression i was in. Since then (and thanks to some kind DMs) I have pushed myself again.

I swallowed my pride and got SSRIs from my Dr, I cut way back on drinking/smoking, I starting going to the gym regularly, I opened up to my closest friends about this and welcomed their encouragement and support, I am church hunting again (haven't found one I liked for almost 8 years), and praying more.

SylvesterStallone, you said exactly what I would have told myself years ago, before life stressed and burned me out. Thank you.

Today is going much better. I found an old cross necklace I used to wear since high school and I started investing time with God. I feel a little warmer in my chest now and starting to reach out to music again (thanks to a friend pestering me every week to write more).

More importantly, I decided that I need to socialize more. I've spent too much time introverted when I KNOW I am extroverted. That is my current goal for the next 2 months.

Again, thank you all so much.


glad you're going well through struggles life put upon you.
stay strong buddy :)
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Sep 26 2019 02:48am
Fear is natural. You can’t get rid of it. But you can control it. The fear of death can put you in a state of panic, which doesn’t help at all. It is counterproductive. Instead of letting fear cause this state of mind, think to yourself, how can I make it better and what would make it worse.
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