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Oct 19 2018 04:03am
Quote (kai_jph @ Oct 17 2018 04:28pm)
This.
There are way better fish in the sea


Clearly you've never fallen in love. There's no rationale behind it, don't even try and make sense of it because you will fail. And if you believe you succeeded, then you failed way harder than anyone else ever could.

@OP I've been in a similar situation where a gal showed a rather peculiar amount of interest that at some point I read as more than friendship. When I sported the idea of asking her out (which I then did) she sort of panicked and jumped back and forth between a whole wide array of arguments. I think I distinguished about 35-40 different arguments as to why she did not want to date me, but most of them are contradicting and I've caught her lying about some other arguments as well. All the while, she explicitly and implicitly repeated her wanting to spend time with me and having an interest in me "that she doesn't yet understand".

This isn't malice, this is immaturity.
Your gal sounds a lot like this as well; she makes all sorts of idiotic, inexplicable moves because she doesn't have a proper response to what she's experiencing. You know that, otherwise you would not have posted here on d2jsp. Your best chance imo is to not follow her around like a puppy, although I know full well that's asking for the impossible. If she then reels you back in you have a choice between exposing yourself to getting hurt by her again or by letting the chance of being with her slip away. I chose the latter for myself, but I can't promise that it'll work for you :)

Oh, and do talk to your close friends about this. I had a few mates that I opened up to about this, mostly because they blackmailed me to do so or because I knew they'd figure it out (I have a tendency to align myself with people who have awesome observational skills..) but I don't regret any of those conversations. It helps if you combine it with proper whisky.

(As for my story, she's still texting me 3-4 times a week, claiming "she only has an intellectual interest in me", while most of her texts are about personal shit that I ignore. I still answer her study-related questions because, well, I'm a fool. I'm at the brink of something new with somebody else anyway, but it's nothing, not even close, to what I felt for the troublemaker. Alas, not everyone ends up with "the special one" and will have to settle for just somebody extraordinary instead :p )
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Oct 19 2018 04:11am
Quote (Forg0tten @ Oct 19 2018 12:03pm)
Clearly you've never fallen in love. There's no rationale behind it, don't even try and make sense of it because you will fail. And if you believe you succeeded, then you failed way harder than anyone else ever could.

I'm in a raltionship now after 4 failures ;)

Quote (Forg0tten @ Oct 19 2018 12:03pm)
This isn't malice, this is immaturity

Was also thinking on these lines (My failure No 2)

This post was edited by kai_jph on Oct 19 2018 04:24am
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Oct 19 2018 10:38am
Quote (kai_jph @ Oct 19 2018 11:11am)
I'm in a raltionship now after 4 failures ;)


Was also thinking on these lines (My failure No 2)


Good for you, but being in a relationship doesn't mean you're with the one you fell in love with. There's love and there's love ;)
I'm just saying, even if there's absolutely no reason not to cut loose the crazy woman "and to look for better fish in the sea", this isn't rational.
Ever actually listened to the lyrics of When A Man Loves A Woman by Percy Sledge? 'Cause that sums it up pretty well.
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Oct 19 2018 04:19pm
Quote (Forg0tten @ Oct 19 2018 06:38pm)
Good for you, but being in a relationship doesn't mean you're with the one you fell in love with. There's love and there's love;)
I'm just saying, even if there's absolutely no reason not to cut loose the crazy woman "and to look for better fish in the sea", this isn't rational.
Ever actually listened to the lyrics of When A Man Loves A Woman by Percy Sledge? 'Cause that sums it up pretty well.


Agree there.
But believe it or not , my gf and I are in love

eg: I was down and out and she still stuck by me even though I set her free.
She needed to move and I worked overtime so I could take time off to help her but was still happy about it, especially after seeing the smile on her face after

Lastly, I worked hard to earn the respect of her Dad and succeeded (she backed me up through out the process)

The point of that "better fish in the sea comment" is don't settle for a relationship that's not good for you . There's better for you out there
A relationship is 2 way. Yes I believe in trying hard to work things out 1st, but there comes a time when enough is enough

This post was edited by kai_jph on Oct 19 2018 04:25pm
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Oct 19 2018 04:23pm
Quote (Forg0tten @ Oct 19 2018 06:03am)
Clearly you've never fallen in love. There's no rationale behind it, don't even try and make sense of it because you will fail. And if you believe you succeeded, then you failed way harder than anyone else ever could.

@OP I've been in a similar situation where a gal showed a rather peculiar amount of interest that at some point I read as more than friendship. When I sported the idea of asking her out (which I then did) she sort of panicked and jumped back and forth between a whole wide array of arguments. I think I distinguished about 35-40 different arguments as to why she did not want to date me, but most of them are contradicting and I've caught her lying about some other arguments as well. All the while, she explicitly and implicitly repeated her wanting to spend time with me and having an interest in me "that she doesn't yet understand".

This isn't malice, this is immaturity.
Your gal sounds a lot like this as well; she makes all sorts of idiotic, inexplicable moves because she doesn't have a proper response to what she's experiencing. You know that, otherwise you would not have posted here on d2jsp. Your best chance imo is to not follow her around like a puppy, although I know full well that's asking for the impossible. If she then reels you back in you have a choice between exposing yourself to getting hurt by her again or by letting the chance of being with her slip away. I chose the latter for myself, but I can't promise that it'll work for you :)

Oh, and do talk to your close friends about this. I had a few mates that I opened up to about this, mostly because they blackmailed me to do so or because I knew they'd figure it out (I have a tendency to align myself with people who have awesome observational skills..) but I don't regret any of those conversations. It helps if you combine it with proper whisky.

(As for my story, she's still texting me 3-4 times a week, claiming "she only has an intellectual interest in me", while most of her texts are about personal shit that I ignore. I still answer her study-related questions because, well, I'm a fool. I'm at the brink of something new with somebody else anyway, but it's nothing, not even close, to what I felt for the troublemaker. Alas, not everyone ends up with "the special one" and will have to settle for just somebody extraordinary instead :p )


End of the day the op is not in love and the girl is fucking him around. Not like he was in a long term relationship worth fighting for.
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Oct 23 2018 12:02pm
I was ina similar situation but I respected her decision to remain friends and moved on. Sure it hurt for a few days but once you’re back to investing time in yourself you’ll be back out there and twice the man you were before.
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