Quote (Moink @ 29 Sep 2018 12:20)
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is!
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the point..
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's Funeral?
Nothing.
What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She didn't wear a seat belt.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, but seven isn't enough.
Food is kind of like dark humor. Not everyone gets it
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So I was flying off to Toronto the other day, I was seated getting prepared for take-off. The captains voice comes on the speaker and proceeds to go over the pre flight dialogue "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, our destination today is Toronto Ontario, we will be cruising at about 30,000 feet -" And continues on. Half way through, he puts the mic down and looks over to his co-pilot and says "You know what I'd really like right now? A cup of coffee, and a blowjob" Unfortunately he didn't turn off the mic, so the stewardess panics and makes a mad dash to the cabin. The guy at the back yelled out at her "YOU FORGOT THE COFFEE!"
Sitting at the doctors office, when the doc comes in to go over my charts. He's going over some routine questions, when I notice he's having a hard time writing. First I thought the pen was just dying, until I realized it was a rectal thermometer. "Doc, that's not a pen - it's a rectal thermometer" - to which the doctor say "Oh great, some assholes got my pen!"
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