This Is Getting Way Too Complicated.. - Topic

Crud1ty

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#11

May 28 2018 02:55pm

+1 for ditch her.

Saltburn

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#12

May 28 2018 06:14pm

Quote (Mindfield @ May 27 2018 01:03pm)

Hi guys,

Before I tell you about my love drama, I just want to beg you to put aside the facts I tell you about this girl and her family and focus on our relations only.

So I've been in a relationship with this girl for 8 months.
She was married when we met, but haven't been living with her husband for more than a year. She has 2 kids, which is not a problem for me, because I love kids even if they're not mine.
So we met at work and hit up pretty fast. She's very good looking and I really like her.
She got divorced and I thought things will pick up from here, but it got even worse.
Ever since her parents left the country to work in Germany She's being quite weird, lieing me all the time, mostly about money. She's always in the middle of some drama with her pothead friends, which I don't approve. I always helps her out, try to calm her down, lend her money, which I never get back so far(currently over 2k eur).
Don't get me wrong, I don't care about the money and I don't want them back. I just want her to be happy, because she suffered a lot while she was married.
The problem is her treatment of me - all the lies, all the promises she made She's gonna quit smoking pot, all the meaningless drama when she's upset for a reason I'm not a part of... recently she sold a gold neckless I bought her for Christmas at a pawn shop..
All the signs show I should ditch her.. I know.. but I love her a lot, I love spending time with her and her children(which love me by the way), I like to see their smiley faces, I don't wanna just leave her raise those 2 kids by herself.. I can see how much She's struggling..
And yet I feel I'm not getting the treatment I deserve for being so good and helpful.

So what should I do?

Quote (Mindfield @ May 28 2018 01:17am)

I don't mind being used for a couple of months until she's back on her feet.
I care about her being in a bad spot, because I really like this girl and I feel sorry she had to go trough all the bad moments in her life. I want to give her something different, but she keeps pushing me away with all the lies.. I'll give myself a few more days to think... we'll see how it goes..

From experience, I'd bet a good chunk of that money is going towards drugs. Don't be an enabler - though that isn't your intention - some people aren't ready to be helped by others if they aren't even helping themselves. DO step out of the picture for a little and give it some time.

Darkblue

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#13

May 29 2018 06:15am

This girl will be the death of you.
The lies will continue, the manipulations will too, subtle or otherwise.
She may find so many ways to manipulate you: she's always the victim, uses her kids etc.
Assert yourself and exit now, it only gets worse from here. You will have to grieve the loss of her and her kids but sometimes it just "is what it is".

/edit: GLYC is spot on.
And I really do feel you are having denial because you don't want to face pain.
You cannot fix people. But it does sound like you have a certain set of characteristics that may have you stick around to crash and burn. I certainly hope that's not the case for you.

Certain girls that are unstable like this will start to show the instability to you a lot more after a bit of time, while you may think it's new, it may have been there the whole time brewing below the surface. Look up Borderline personality and see if she fits any of the criteria. If she does, then run for the fucking hills my friend.

This post was edited by Darkblue on May 29 2018 06:25am

kai_jph

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#14

May 29 2018 06:20am

Relationships are 2 way give and take
You're the only one giving here

Imo there's a better girl for you who deserves you more

Anton24

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#15

May 30 2018 03:18pm

Quote (Saltburn @ May 28 2018 05:14pm)

Guaranteed this. I also have experience in the drug department. You have got to re-evaluate what you want. Because there are PLENTY of women out there that will give you exactly what you want without asking for a handout. They're rare though, increasingly so.

You are a slave to your own comforts. You will not get through this without breaking the habit. You will be used and manipulated and some days will be good and some will be bad. But you do not need to raise some other man's children. You say she had a bad relationship, but that's one side of the coin.

If you REALLY want some answers, I'd legitimately ask her ex-husband out for a drink. She will use this against you until the end of time, but it's the only way to get a clear picture of the person you THINK you know and WANT to love. Plus, I think you've earned it enough.

I'm gonna be a bit straightforward here. Have some fucking dignity for yourself. Be cock-sure. You're a a fucking man and you're acting like a dog. Led around by sight and sound and smell. Get outside of the picture and look at it objectively. Everyone here is legitimately sincere in what they are expressing to you through cumulative years of experience.

I know you want this to work, and it could. But she is not doing a fucking thing for you besides working your emotions.

and keep us updated.

AGamerTag

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#16

May 30 2018 05:43pm

First few posted summarized it up nicely and you gotta wonder why would a father of two divored this person, seem like a user and unfaithful.

This post was edited by AGamerTag on May 30 2018 05:44pm

Mindfield

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#17

Jun 11 2018 12:05am

Thanks a lot for the tips guys. I really appreciate it!

Last week we had a massive fight which resulted in me telling her "Leave me alone for a few days, I wanna figure things out." The next day her elder son contacted me on Messenger asking what I did to kiss her off like this.
I called her to ask her why she's putting the children in the middle of our drama. She than apologized and t9ld me she takes all the blame for everything and begged me for a second chance. She admitted she's being unstable lately and asked for me to be more patient.
So I took an hour to think it trough and called her to say that it's her last chance to prove that she's serious about this relationship.
It's been very good since than. She's been very kind and sweet. Things are going like I'd like them to go right now.. let's hope she learned her lesson.

Cheers

ikuzo

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#18

Jun 11 2018 08:22am

Many red flags

MrSkales

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#19

Jun 11 2018 08:39pm

Quote (Mindfield @ May 27 2018 08:03pm)

Hi guys,

Before I tell you about my love drama, I just want to beg you to put aside the facts I tell you about this girl and her family and focus on our relations only.

So I've been in a relationship with this girl for 8 months.
She was married when we met, but haven't been living with her husband for more than a year. She has 2 kids, which is not a problem for me, because I love kids even if they're not mine.
So we met at work and hit up pretty fast. She's very good looking and I really like her.
She got divorced and I thought things will pick up from here, but it got even worse.
Ever since her parents left the country to work in Germany She's being quite weird, lieing me all the time, mostly about money. She's always in the middle of some drama with her pothead friends, which I don't approve. I always helps her out, try to calm her down, lend her money, which I never get back so far(currently over 2k eur).
Don't get me wrong, I don't care about the money and I don't want them back. I just want her to be happy, because she suffered a lot while she was married.
The problem is her treatment of me - all the lies, all the promises she made She's gonna quit smoking pot, all the meaningless drama when she's upset for a reason I'm not a part of... recently she sold a gold neckless I bought her for Christmas at a pawn shop..
All the signs show I should ditch her.. I know.. but I love her a lot, I love spending time with her and her children(which love me by the way), I like to see their smiley faces, I don't wanna just leave her raise those 2 kids by herself.. I can see how much She's struggling..
And yet I feel I'm not getting the treatment I deserve for being so good and helpful.

So what should I do?

You found a wild pocket grabber

Turn it into a profit center

GG u pimp now

Hanako

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Joined: Nov 19 2007

Gold: 240.00

#20

Jun 12 2018 07:24am

Quote (Mindfield @ 27 May 2018 22:03)

I can see how much She's struggling..

You mean how much you're struggling?

Quote (Mindfield @ 27 May 2018 22:03)

And yet I feel I'm not getting the treatment I deserve for being so good and helpful.

>Birthday: 18 Nov 1985 (Male)
Ouch.
You don't deserve anything. You are being nice because you are infatuated.
(Come on, good people don't throw away 2k € at strangers. Note that this does not make you a bad person though : no one ought to spend one's life being good to a particular person for no particular reason other than them being from the opposite sex)

Quote (Mindfield @ 11 Jun 2018 08:05)

let's hope she learned her lesson.

Did you?

I wish I could be as gullible as you are. You are an inspiration. *sigh*

Oh and,

Quote (Mindfield @ 11 Jun 2018 08:05)

She's been very kind and sweet.

No shit.

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