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Mar 27 2018 02:29pm
So this girl I was seeing for about 5 months broke up with me.

She is very unstable and very attached to an ex from about 3 years ago who lives in NC, were in Oregon.

I have proof of this only because she had signed into her social medias on my phone when we were together, I received a notification when she messaged her saying how she was still about him, etc.(I got the notification when he replied so I looked)

I was extremely upset and then she was wanting to work on things saying how she loves me and only wants me but that she doesn't know how to react, because she feels like she doesn't deserve me(IMO sounds like excuse)

So the other day we got in a large fight and I actually told her "F you" which I've never said to a woman. Thats how upset I was. Because since we broke up and I saw that text, we've been supposed to be working on things but she was still talking to him.

So she blocked me on everything for a couple days and unblocked me saying how sorry she is and she blocked him on everything.

That she doesnt love him she just felt like she never had proper closure with him. He was very emotionally abusive as far as she says. (Which ive seen signs of when I saw their messages)

But now she wants to start fresh and work on things as friends first.

I do want to trust her but I am finding it extremely hard to trust her after this.

I do love her. Also I asked her to give me space and thats when she messaged me saying she wants a fresh start, that its hard to give me space.

This is summarized, let me know if you have further questions
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Mar 27 2018 02:37pm
From what I've learned, if someone says they don't deserve you I would leave them alone unless they're making a true effort to become "worthy".

If she really loves you, she should start by giving you the space that you need no matter how difficult it is for her.
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Mar 27 2018 02:41pm
Misread disregard

This post was edited by Kthulhu on Mar 27 2018 02:41pm
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Mar 27 2018 02:57pm
Quote (Saltburn @ Mar 27 2018 01:37pm)
From what I've learned, if someone says they don't deserve you I would leave them alone unless they're making a true effort to become "worthy".

If she really loves you, she should start by giving you the space that you need no matter how difficult it is for her.


Well that was one thing shes said. "I want to be someone worth your time from now on"

was her words.

She did offer to not talk to me if I wanted.
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Mar 27 2018 02:59pm
Quote (dizzle19 @ Mar 27 2018 01:57pm)
Well that was one thing shes said. "I want to be someone worth your time from now on"

was her words.

She did offer to not talk to me if I wanted.


That's a good sign. I would still take things slow and keep the communication up.

E: 3 years is WAY too long of a time to still be after someone. I don't know much about her situation with her ex but if things end up not working I would have left the past behind by now and moved forward.

This post was edited by Saltburn on Mar 27 2018 03:02pm
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Mar 27 2018 03:18pm
Quote (Saltburn @ Mar 27 2018 01:59pm)
That's a good sign. I would still take things slow and keep the communication up.

E: 3 years is WAY too long of a time to still be after someone. I don't know much about her situation with her ex but if things end up not working I would have left the past behind by now and moved forward.


The ex is not a very nice person. That is the only reason I have been patient with this situation. Because I do love her and dont want to be like other people in her past.

She is willing to work on things and make more of an effort. Because we both work pretty much all the time. I work 7 days a week and her 6. We both average about 50-60 hours a week. But I still make time for her and everything but she couldnt seem to do that. So now shes saying she will put in more effort. She is coming over tonight.

But what frustrates me is she complains about working a lot, and I tell her, we literally work pretty much the same amount. When we were doing fine I even told her she doesn't need to work, when we were talking more seriously about our relationship. Or I told her she could at least cut her hours.

So sometimes it is hard to tell if she is making excuses or if she is actually going to change something... I brought up again she needs to cut her hours if its really affecting her this much.
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Mar 27 2018 03:35pm
Quote (dizzle19 @ Mar 27 2018 02:18pm)
The ex is not a very nice person. That is the only reason I have been patient with this situation. Because I do love her and dont want to be like other people in her past.

She is willing to work on things and make more of an effort. Because we both work pretty much all the time. I work 7 days a week and her 6. We both average about 50-60 hours a week. But I still make time for her and everything but she couldnt seem to do that. So now shes saying she will put in more effort. She is coming over tonight.

But what frustrates me is she complains about working a lot, and I tell her, we literally work pretty much the same amount. When we were doing fine I even told her she doesn't need to work, when we were talking more seriously about our relationship. Or I told her she could at least cut her hours.

So sometimes it is hard to tell if she is making excuses or if she is actually going to change something... I brought up again she needs to cut her hours if its really affecting her this much.


It's never a good sign to be hung up on someone abusive that long. Knowing you care about her, I'd suggest proceeding with caution. While agreeing with you on effort, when you care enough about someone you will always find time for them - even if it's just a simple phone call. Definitely been there on both sides.

Talk to her about these things and how you feel in an approachable way.
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Mar 28 2018 07:41am
Quote (Saltburn @ Mar 27 2018 02:35pm)
It's never a good sign to be hung up on someone abusive that long. Knowing you care about her, I'd suggest proceeding with caution. While agreeing with you on effort, when you care enough about someone you will always find time for them - even if it's just a simple phone call. Definitely been there on both sides.

Talk to her about these things and how you feel in an approachable way.


So we are proceeding with caution. I told her that I am done putting all of my effort in when she barely puts in any. So we hung out last night(at her suggestion). We had some make up sex lol.(which was great btw)

Told each other how much we love each other and that we mutually want to work on this.
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Mar 28 2018 09:20am
Hmm, yeah, I definitely wouldn't be cool with that.

The part with you telling her to "F off", never do that. By all means, DO stand up for yourself.
But spiteful language isn't the way to go.
It's always best to speak your truth in a way like, " This isn't cool", " This is disrespectful, I would never do something like this to you"

Its also much more powerful. It's more auoritative, women will respect you more if you do that as well. Men need to be in control of their emotions and channel it properly, take time to collect yourself and come back to it if you need to when the situation arises, it's always better to do that than it is to explode.

Work on things as friends first? Lol, no, I'm not here to be your friend.

Personally, This would jerk me as well. I mean, This is the type of thing some people break up with each other over.
It would be different if you were just casually dating early on and this occurred.

Really nothing else to do at this point but move forward, personally I wouldn't be into it, but, I'm also not emotionally invested and it's all your decision.

Best of luck.

This post was edited by GLYC123 on Mar 28 2018 09:38am
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Mar 28 2018 10:03am
Quote (GLYC123 @ Mar 28 2018 08:20am)
Hmm, yeah, I definitely wouldn't be cool with that.

The part with you telling her to "F off", never do that. By all means, DO stand up for yourself.
But spiteful language isn't the way to go.
It's always best to speak your truth in a way like, " This isn't cool", " This is disrespectful, I would never do something like this to you"

Its also much more powerful. It's more auoritative, women will respect you more if you do that as well. Men need to be in control of their emotions and channel it properly, take time to collect yourself and come back to it if you need to when the situation arises, it's always better to do that than it is to explode.

Work on things as friends first? Lol, no, I'm not here to be your friend.

Personally, This would jerk me as well. I mean, This is the type of thing some people break up with each other over.
It would be different if you were just casually dating early on and this occurred.

Really nothing else to do at this point but move forward, personally I wouldn't be into it, but, I'm also not emotionally invested and it's all your decision.

Best of luck.


I agree. I have told her we cannot be just friends. As of last night we arent just friends, although I still dont know what we are.

I have never sworn at a woman. Usually I am very patient and everything to, something shes noticed in the past. If I wanted to give more details for the situation, believe me you'd understand lol.
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