Hello

So I'll try to summarize what happened yesterday night, but I'll have to say some info beforehand:

Me (23/M), best friend (23/M), his gf (21/F), we spent a lot of time together, (they are never together if it wasnt for me), they have been dating for about 2 years and i consider myself a good friend for both of them. I never had any intention going for the girl ever, however she gave me little hints from time to time that she "likes" me (it happened sometimes that it was just the 2 of us at their place drunk), but i never gave in, didnt really think about it either, why would i anyway since its my best friends gf.

HOWEVER - well little backstory: since i broke up with my last gf (last may), i desperately wanted/want one, especially these last couple months. I feel like i miss everything about having one so thats important to note. So yesterday after i finished with my day i went to their place (we had plans for the night and the girl told me i can chill there until we go-it was an hour max), but only she was there (guy was working, he didnt come the night either). Nothing special happened until she came out from the shower and flashed her tits to me. We didnt make a deal out of it, like we both acted as neither of us noticed it (but i pretty much wanted her afterwards).. So we went off for the night to meet the others, and since from the community im kinda her only friend, she was with me all the time, my brain really got the feel like shes my gf..

The night was cool, we both got really drunk on beer then we headed back to their place and well.. not much was needed to start making out... Fortunately we stopped (didnt have sex) but it still feels fucking awful. Then i started asking ourselves what the fuck have we done and why and yeah just realizing the situation. At that point i told her to keep it secret until today for sure, then ill make some plan up.... Then my friend have arrived as i said this.. And he doesnt know still. I slept over at their place and was hoping to forget it all overnight but it was the first thing to hit my head when i opened my eyes in the morning.. We acted natural, then i left. Now i kinda wanna hang myself for doing this bullshit to my best friend. At risk of losing him and our whole community actually (all my friends). Today i called the girl telling her not to say anything, but honestly i think shes in love with me and doesnt really give a fuck.. So the real losers are my friend and i.

Question: what to do? Would it be better to just tell him (not waiting for her to accidentally say shit but straight up tell him), or would that hurt more than it would help?

Tell him

You have 3 options.

1. Don't say anything.
--the girl is likely to try to make advances on you again though and you're likely to give in eventually. Either that or if you reject her advances she may find someone else to cheat with. Either way your friend continues to get fucked over.

2. You remove yourself from your friend and his girlfriend's life.
Face it, if you don't have the courage to be a man and own up to your betraying actions to someone you call a best friend, then you need to disappear and never come back to them. However, your friend now gets punished multiple times:
A. He loses a friend and doesn't know why.
B. Unbeknownst to him his girlfriend and best friend betrayed him.
C. He still trusts his girlfriend who may betray him again and you do nothing to help prevent further catastrophy for him.

3. You face your actions and be accountable for your despicable selfishness. You must express how you befouled the relationship and trust that you had with him by declaring that you are here now, trying to make it right and salvage what you can of what used to be your friendship. You express concern about his girlfriend ever making advances in the first place while still maintaining your accountability for the transgressions. You leave it to him. You tell him that you stand behind whatever decision that he may make even if that is for him to end the friendship with you. However, do stress that you'll do whatever you can to make it right with him if he will allow it.

Good luck.

U fucked up. But so did she. Better fucking tell your mate before she tell.

It really depends on what you personally want to do. You know what you want to do.

Coming from the side where this actually happened to me, the friend did not come forward first, and I haven't spoken a word to him in almost 8 years. I backed up my fiance/ mother of my son at the time, but then again its a different situation with kids involved. And i honestly can tell you if he would have come to me about it, i would have still cut him out and my woman lol.

best advice i can suggest is think about your intentions with the entire situation, and then do what you feel is best, but don't waste any more time, make your decision swiftly.

The truth will set you free

it often comes with great sadness and pain in these situations

I'm glad when I find out the truth even when it's very painful.

Lies will eat at you little by little until there is nothing left.

In this situation, since you didnt fuck. I would tell your friend. 'We were drunk, started kissing and stopped ourselves right away'

He will be mad Im sure for a bit, but I think he will get over it. Just dont put yourself in the situation for something like that to happen again or go further.

be a man and own up to your shit.

he's your best friend and deserves the truth, you fucked up and you need to tell him.

he'll prob be pissed but if he does care about your friendship he'll forgive you with time or he'll cut you out of his life either way hes your best friend and deserves honesty.

don't leave it on the back of your mind it will eat you up, from the inside.

Ok just told him over phone.. Don't think i'm ready for the storm of aids that is coming but i literally was lying on the bed for the last 16 hours and every time i fell asleep i was dreaming of this bullshit, so it might be slightly better i guess.
Thanks for all your answers

Bros before hoes