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Feb 2 2020 04:31pm
Had a dream where I was in HS. We were playing kind of like a LARP version of Dungeons & Dragons for some class (Gym class maybe? The instructor was my HS gym teacher). Students were broken into groups of 5 and would complete quests together. Each group had a home base of sorts. We would all dress up and have real items and explore places and do quests. I was a rogue and had a leather overcoat on and a dagger.

The teacher was kind of a hard-ass and had all these rules that you had to follow. Like make sure you put all your stuff away and lock it up after you're done class. Make sure you always have x amount of specific items on you at all times. Other specific rules. Despite this, it was actually still pretty fun—that is until I forgot to lock up my items (because the teacher had such an overwhelming amount of rules I must have misunderstood), so the teacher took all my items to prove a point. The teacher was acting as a merchant NPC, and he demanded x amount of gold until he would sell me my items back.

Well to come up with the gold I needed, I decided to steal this bronze horn from another group (I'm a rogue, remember, so that's what we do). While this other group was chatting or w/e, I just nonchalantly walked by and took the horn as if it were mine. I then presented it to the teacher/merchant NPC, and asked if I could trade the horn for my items, which he agreed to do. So I had my items back.

Well once the group found out their horn was missing they started getting upset. One girl started crying because she had been entrusted with holding it, and she lost it. It was a quest item, so they couldn't complete their current quest until they had the horn. I could have said something and owned up to what I did, but I reasoned that it wasn't my place to do this. This whole ordeal was the teacher's fault for being a hardass and stealing my items to begin with, which necessitated that I steal their bronze horn quest item to get my items back.
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Feb 14 2020 01:58am
Had a dream where, one way or another, I came to the realization that everything I perceived to be reality was, in fact, a computer simulation.

What this meant was that everyone in the dream could do whatever they wanted without repercussion. I wish I could remember more, but the dream world was like a game of online FFA.

At one point I killed like 5 people in one shot with a Spartan Laser. At another point, I was briefly stunned, and some lady wanted to get revenge by taking an immense diarrhea shit explosion on my stunned body. However, I recovered just in time. I managed to plug my thumb up her butthole and send the stream of diahreea to the side like you would when directing water with a garden hose. All of the diarrhea went off to the side, and I was mostly spared. The lady said only "drat" and then ran away.
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Feb 16 2020 03:20am
Had a dream where there were a bunch of people over to work on the house (friends and family working as a favor mainly). I guess for some reason the wall outside my room was being replaced... like a whole wall, idk.

Anyway, Chris was over, and he said he was going to check /w Trish to see if he could do something. I made a minor quip like "you always have to ask your wife before you can do anything," and that really set Chris off in the worst mood I've ever seen him. It was like, I honestly didn't know if he was going to be my friend after that, he felt so personally insulted. I think he just left.

Also, shortly after this verbal altercation, the wall outside my room was removed, leaving it exposed to the outdoors. Suddenly, I found myself in just my boxer shorts, and all of my family was outside. I wanted to know where my dressers and drawers were (the ones with my clothes in them), but for some reason as part of the renovation my family moved these furnishings all the way to my uncle's house (he lives in California). So there was no way for me to get dressed. I was running outside in just my boxers looking under rocks (like in D2) for items that I could wear other than my boxers, but all I found were more boxer shorts, which were dirty and redundant anyway.

This post was edited by Terps on Feb 16 2020 03:22am
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Mar 3 2020 03:05pm
Backlog incoming:

Had a dream where I was at the game store. I was trying to decide what I wanted to buy, but they wanted to close up shop for the day, so I was being hurried. In the rush to make up my mind, I panic-selected a bundle of celery and left. The celery wasn't even any good; it was damaged and browned.

Anyway, I went back to my car. Kevin at the LGS asked what I came away with, and I, ashamed, showed him my bundle of moldy celery. He scoffed and showed me some sweet foil MtG cards he either bought or won, which made my bundle of celery look like shit by comparison.

I went to drive home, but it was raining so hard that many of the roads I would use to get home were flooded. I had to use google maps to find an alternative route. Google took me onto some roads that didn't look safe. They were flooded kind of high, but perhaps safe enough to drive on... or so I thought.

My car got marooned at some point, and I had to get out and walk. To make matters worse, I was in a low-income area just outside Baltimore, so it was dangerous. And then, to make matters somehow even worse, there was this literal autist following me and getting belligerent (white teenager). I was trying to outrun him, but he was managing to sort of keep up (like 20 feet behind me but still keeping pace), and he was grunting loudly and forcefully instead of using words. (I was running in my dream btw; it's unusual to wheel).

I was running through this poor Baltimore suburb, unsure of where I was headed or if it was even the right direction. The only thing on my mind was escaping this autistic person who wanted something from me. Eventually I ran into a government building full of social workers meant to help people like him, and by following me into the building, the autistic kid got held up by some social workers trying to help him, which allowed me to finally escape him.

At this point I was horribly lost. I checked my phone, and somehow I found myself in southern Maryland, like 150 miles away from home. Also Chris was now with me. Idk why, but he was in the same situation as me without a car. I wasn't sure how we got here, but regardless, I figured that without a car the only option left was to simply start walking home, so that's what we did.

It was a long walk home, and I don't remember all of what happened. I do remember having to steal something to sell for food, so I went into an antiques shop and stole some of their wares (old ceramics and shit), which I then sold for cash, which I could then use to buy food (idk why I didn't just steal food). Chris did the same thing and escaped with some old wooden furniture held awkwardly in his arms as he trundled out of the store, moving at a faster pace than a normal gait, but still limited because he had to balance the furniture he was carrying.

On another occasion, there was a Mexican family offering free hot dogs to travelers (for refugees fleeing Central and South America, I reasoned). The hot dog tray was unattended, so I could have taken all of them if I wanted to. However, it crossed my mind that this might be a trap, so I avoided the tray of hot dogs altogether and took a different road to avoid the intersection with the hot dogs.

Idk how it ended, but I think I remember bartering for a Geo Tracker and driving the rest of the way home. I think Chris went his own way because he didn't want to drive in my Geo Tracker with me.

--

In another dream, I was infiltrating a secret government area where they tested and built new technologies. I think the organization I was working for wanted me to steal some kind of Exo-Suit, kind of like in the 90s cartoon show ExoSquad ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exosquad ). I managed to deceive the scientists in attendance into thinking I was one of their test pilots, so they allowed me to test-drive the Exo-suit without issue.

At this point I was just going through the motions of testing out the suit like they asked, waiting to make a break for it and escape the facility (we were still inside the building, not outside). However, before I could surprise them by running away, their security sirens went off, signaling an intruder alert (me). The entire facility was entering lockdown. I had to fight my way out, and after some cool cinematics in which I blasted open an iron door, I managed to escape.

I somehow made it back to the base of whichever organization wanted the suit without being hindered in the least (you'd think there'd be all kinds of armed forces trying to stop me). Although there was no military force behind me, I was followed. A flying saucer roughly 10 feet in diameter landed near where I was standing, and out came two cats: an orange striped cat one and a mostly white calico cat. They then animorphed into Donald Trump and Mike Pence. They started making some weak threats like "you're gonna regret this..." and "you weren't supposed to do that...," but they were clearly incapable of doing anything about it themselves.

The two of them transformed back into cats and were about to re-board their flying saucer. However, somehow I (or we, the organization I was working for) realized that, without the ship, they couldn't change back into humans. So I kicked the flying saucer into the air a good 30 feet, and it broke upon landing. Trump and Pence were meowing incessantly at me. I realized that this was actually a pretty good solution for much of the world's problems, especially since I wasn't doing anything violent or evil by killing people, so I released the two of them as strays into the little town of Whiteford, telling them "this is your punishment for all of the bad things you did," and that was that.

This post was edited by Terps on Mar 3 2020 03:09pm
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Mar 23 2020 01:53pm
Had a dream where I was in a classroom. I can't remember if I was teaching or a young student, but anyway my ring finger had this large swollen lump and the tip of the finger. It was pretty painful, but then the pain subsided after the lesion ruptured.

On the floor was a pulsating larva that had emerged from my finger, along with some green mucus that had splashed out with the larva. The larva was about an inch long and maybe a 1/4 inch in diameter. I watched as it pulsated on the floor. Everyone was looking at me, wondering what I was doing. They thought I deliberately brought the larva to class, viewing this occurrence as a planned class disruption. However, I was surprised, appalled, and disgusted by what was going on.

I think someone called for a custodian to come clean up the mess. The room was cleared of people except for me. I watched as the larva pulsated, and out emerged a hornet-like insect, which disgusted me further. The hornet was trying to dry its wings in preparation for flight. "Time to nip this in the bud," I said, as I stomped on the hornet.

--

Had a dream where I was at a bar. Some guy approached my table and asked if I wanted to buy some dietary supplements. He was a young dude who was swole and totally ripped, so I reasoned that these must be some effective supplements. I was intrigued and knew immediately that I wanted to buy them, but I didn't want to make it obvious. Feigning disinterest, I asked how much they were, what they did, how they worked, and other details. Eventually I bargained him down to a price and bought the supplements. He handed me a gallon ziploc bag full of multicolored pills (pink, white, light blue pills, capsules), and then he left and made his pitch to the next attendee at the bar.

I tried a handful of pills. Idk if it was immediately or after a few minutes, but I found myself with no clothes. I used the tablecloth to try and hide the fact I was naked, but I could tell people walking by were noticing me, and either laughing or repulsed by my nudity. I think I also wanted to go see a movie after the bar, so I had to take the tablecloth with me.
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Mar 24 2020 11:24am
Had a dream where I was in HS. We were on a field trip being led around by a substitute teacher. I realized as we were walking around that I accidentally brought to school a large .50 Desert Eagle. I didn't have a backpack to hide it in, so it was difficult to conceal. I knew that if the teacher found out I'd probably be expelled, so I had to do my best to conceal it within my clothes somehow. This was complicated by the fact I was wearing a very loose pair of grey sweatpants with no pockets, which made the pistol very precarious to holster in the waistband. It was constantly falling into my pants, and I often had to fish it back out of the crotch or ass area.

At some point I got the idea that I could just holster the pistol in such a way that the pants bulge would look somewhat like my penis, which would serve a twofold purpose of concealing the weapon while making me look huge. This didn't really work though, as one of my classmates quickly realized that I was holding a handgun. Luckily it was a black student who thought bringing a gun to school was really bad-ass. He flashed me the handgun that he himself was carrying, establishing a rapport between us and setting my mind at ease.

Later on in the field trip, the setting changed into a 3D platformer style video game (I guess we were visiting a video game museum). Students were expected to follow along by completing obstacles, jumping onto platforms, and balancing on precarious objects. The obstacle course was located thousands of feet up in the air (like the height where sky-divers leap from airplanes), so a missed jump would be bad, although I assumed we had extra lives if we fell/died.

In addition, not only did I have to jump through the level, but I had to go first, and everyone was watching me, including the teacher. I knew that if I jumped around too hard, then my Desert Eagle would fall out, and I would get expelled. I figured this was pretty much it for me, but I had nothing to lose by trying.

I jumped around from platform to platform. Each time I jumped, I had to re-holster the Desert Eagle into my waistband. It probably looked like I was adjusting my private parts to the audience, which was embarrassing, but that didn't really matter right now—all that mattered was completing the level and hiding that I had brought a gun to school. I actually made some impressive jumps even before accounting for the fact that I was also concealing a large pistol in my waistband. Like, I hopped onto a wobbly teeter-totter like plank and managed to leap from it and onto the next platform, which was a pretty difficult feat on its own.

Somehow I made it through the platformer level perfectly on the first try, and everyone applauded my attempt. It was the next student's turn, so now I could relax, as no one would be paying attention to me.

Like hours later (after everyone had completed the platformer level), we were walking through the museum looking at exhibits and such. Suddenly, the FPS exhibit spilled over into the normal parts of the museum. The field trip suddenly became a game of Halo. It was life or death: students were getting shot to death by Covenant forces. Blood and bodies were flying everywhere. Some kid got stuck by a sticky grenade, which left a big crater where he stood and send his extremities flying in all directions. Another kid's body went flying after a Brute walloped him with the gravity hammer. It was like the beach scene in Saving Private Ryan with so much gore. Kids were getting absolutely massacred by Brutes. It was fucking awesome.

At this point I was lucky to have my Desert Eagle on me, which was actually pretty similar in power and effectiveness to the pistol from Halo CE (remember the pistol was OP in that game). I went through head-shotting Brutes and just generally kicked ass like Master Chief. The black kid with his Glock probably killed a few too. Anyway, after hours of fighting, I eventually killed all the Covenant forces, and everyone—including the teacher—celebrated me for bringing a gun to school by hoisting me into the air, kind of like crowd surfing.

--

In another dream, I was asked to serve as a substitute teacher for a Drama class. This wasn't really my forte, of course, but I figured it'd be good job experience.

I treated it like a game of D&D with everyone RP'ing their characters. I cared more about having fun and entertaining the class than I did about learning anything. I was cracking jokes that should have probably gotten me fired, but most of the students were laughing and having fun, so they didn't seem to care. I mean, of course every class has a few stuffy, serious students who care about learning, but I think they were only mildly annoyed by the raucous atmosphere and not irritated enough to report me.

Anyway, things were going pretty well until one of my students, Brandon, decided to say something like "we absolutely raped them," referring to how his group killed some goblins or w/e. He said it in proximity to these two girls who started crying, I guess because they took rape super seriously. Brandon didn't seem to notice or care, but Chris apologized contritely on Brandon's behalf and told Brandon sternly that rape jokes were not okay. Brandon slurredly acknowledged what Chris said, and then he immediately hobbled over drunkenly to to another trio of students and started bragging about how his team absolutely raped some goblins.

Luckily for me, this didn't get me fired, so all told I viewed my subbing for the Drama teacher as a success.

--

In a final dream, I was helping to take care of my Dad. It was the future, when he'll be going through chemotherapy and is extremely frail and weak. I was in the kitchen doing something, and then I entered the hallway and saw my dad sitting naked on the floor between the TV room and the bathroom. (This will be easier to understand with a diagram).



I asked my dad why he was sitting on the floor naked. He told me that he wanted to watch TV, but he had to go to the bathroom. But he didn't want to stop watching TV to go to the bathroom, so he reasoned that sitting in the hallway where he could see both the TV and the toilet at the same time was a fair compromise. He could just watch TV while he shit, and then pick up the turds off the carpet and toss them into the toilet later.

One thing you have to know about people who have been on chemotherapy for a long time and who are in the final stages of losing to cancer is that their brains don't think very clearly, and what they say doesn't always make sense. So, while I tried to process his logic, he was sitting with his knees in the air, positioned more on his tailbone as he sat. He was rocking back and forth trying to coax out a big poop log, which kind of extruded forward and slid along the carpet slowly.

Even though his logic didn't make sense to me, I knew one thing for certain: I'd be cleaning shit out of the carpet later no matter what. So, because the outcome was going to be the same regardless, I didn't yell at him. I figured it'd just be easier to clean up the shit-stained carpet than it would be to try explaining to him why shitting in the hallway is unacceptable. He didn't have long to live anyway, so I'd only have to put up with this for a few more weeks, tops.

This post was edited by Terps on Mar 24 2020 11:31am
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Mar 25 2020 11:12am
Had a dream where I was operating a garage out of home like I did when I was a teenager.

I fixed an Audi for a customer. The customer picked up his car late at night (like midnight) and drove through the fence for our dog, destroying part of it. He then loudly (with aftermarket exhaust) drove up the driveway and onto the road.

Before I could even check on the damage to the fence, another car began driving back and forth on our neighbor's driveway. He was driving an old piece of shit Toyota truck from the late 80s, which had a loud, leaky exhaust system.

Since his truck was loud, I got the sense that his driving back and forth on the neighbor's driveway was a deliberate attempt to annoy everyone and wake up my parents. I hid behind a tree to observe what he was doing without him seeing me.

Eventually the Toyota drove up to the house and parked itself on the lawn. The driver got out and picked up a ratchet strap that was lying on the lawn (a very petty theft, as it costs maybe $5 for a ratchet strap, and it was only mildly inconvenient to lose one).

He was then about to get back into the truck and make off with this item when I jumped out from behind the tree and accosted him for stealing something that wasn't his. At this point I realized that the driver was none other than Colin Kaepernick, who looked exactly like the supporting character "Billy Freeman" from Doctor Sleep ( https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5606664/ ). Kaep had clearly fallen on hard times, since he looked disheveled, drove a shitty truck, and was committing petty crimes.

Apparently Kaepernick had some kind of beef with my dad, so he wanted some petty revenge. I told him to give back the ratchet strap, but he refused, so I immediately went into some sort of karate pose as if I was going to fight him for it. He also braced for a fight. However, neither of us really wanted to fight. Our hearts weren't really in it, so no one threw the first blow.

I think I was about to just let him go when I noticed my cat, Dee Dee, was trapped inside Kaepernick's truck. Apparently he was going to steal my cat as part of his scheme for revenge. This really upset and angered me, but before I could do anything I woke up.

This post was edited by Terps on Mar 25 2020 11:14am
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Apr 12 2020 12:00pm
Had a dream a week ago where Chris, Zach, Brandon, and I were leaving a bar & grill (like Miller's). I must have driven everyone there because we were all going to be leaving in my car.

I maneuvered over to the driver's door, but Chris insisted that I was too drunk to drive. I thought to myself that "this is a dream, how could I be drunk?" but I didn't feel like arguing so I just gave him the keys and let him drive—it's all the same to me as long as I just get home.

Everybody got into the car. Chris moved the transmission out of park, and then he turned his head to look back (instead of using the rearview mirror) to back out of the parking spot, but instead of backing up the car lurched forward and bumped into the brick wall that was in front of the parking spot. Oops.

Chris kind of just laughed it off, and I tried to make him not feel bad about it since I don't really care about how my car looks anyway. However, I was now seriously concerned that Chris himself was too drunk to drive. Neither Brandon nor Zach seemed concerned though, so I just remained silent.

Chris then moved the shifter again and looked back, only this time the car went ramming forward into the brick wall at such force that the entire front crumpled up. My legs were trapped in the front of the car because it had crumpled so much.

Some time elapsed in the dream. The scene was the aftermath, after first responders had arrived to rescue me from the vehicle, and after police had arrived to document the accident.

I was worried about my insurance paying for the damage, since Chris was the driver, so for some reason I had this form that had to be signed by two witnesses. I got two strangers to sign it, so it was legally binding in the dream world.

Chris was really concerned because he was over the alcohol limit, constituting a DWI. He was concerned that he was going to get demoted. (probably an underreaction considering a state trooper would probably be fired IRL, but idk).

I realized that my car was only worth like $2k, so it wasn't really worth Chris getting in trouble at work just for me to claim my measly insurance compensation. However, I had already had this binding document signed by two impartial witnesses, so there wasn't anything I could do to stop the legal process.

--

In another dream I had huge man-tits. They weren't evenly sized, which I guess is worse (although at least one of them was smaller). Plus I'm a pretty average build (not fat), so having man-tits looks even worse because they extend far beyond my stomach.

Anyway, the smaller man-tit was pretty normal as far as man-tits go, a solid A-cup. Pointy but with smooth skin. The other man-tit was a disaster though. It was like a B or probably even a C-cup. And the nipple skin was thick as fuck. It was stiff like a well-done steak, with the skin being like an inch thick. Really hard skin. And it had a pencil eraser-style nipple, which protruded like a 1/2 inch and was like a 1/4 inch in diameter (almost a choade of a nipple).

I was pretty horrified with myself, and I didn't know how I was going to conceal this because all of my shirts were too tight-fitting. There wasn't anything I could do to hide it.

I also remember licking my humongous man tit at one point. I thought to myself "this would be pretty enjoyable if it wasn't my own teat."

This post was edited by Terps on Apr 12 2020 12:02pm
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Apr 22 2020 08:06pm
Had a dream where I was a freshman in college. I was joining a sorority, but part of the initiation required everyone to reject the validity of science, education, news, and other sources of information—only information that came directly from the sorority leaders was to be accepted as true/valid.

I began to realize pretty quickly that this was actually a cult. I tried to point this out to everyone else in attendance, but the other students were all too scared to leave with me. They all wanted to be a part of a group, so they were too scared to leave.

The cult leaders said they wanted me to leave, so I did. Then throughout the rest of the dream the cultists were trying to kill me. It turned out that the cult had some members high in society (like in the government), and the conspiracy really went higher than I had ever imagined, but by the end of the dream I had bested the cultists and toppled their power structure. It was kind of like Assassin's Creed toppling the Templars or w/e.
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Jun 11 2020 09:55pm
So I've definitely had and forgotten some good ones over the past couple months.

Last night I had a dream where I was either really poor or just plain homeless. I was eating at a really cheap, seedy hotdog restaurant with some poor/homeless friends. The place had cockroaches all over the place, but because my friends really liked the place I tried to just ignore the cockroaches so as not to hurt their feelings. However, at one point I looked down and there was this massive cockroach about the side of my hand resting on my shin. I screamed in my dream, which woke me up in real life. However, when I woke up I wasn't screaming; it was more like a pathetic, high-pitched yelping sound.

--

A while back I had a dream where I went to the grocery store and ran into Chris and Trish. Chris was a tall, lanky stoner-looking dude with basic arm tattoos, greasy long dark hair, and a old faded band shirt, and Trish looked like some poor white trash girlfriend with tattered attire and a greasy, grungy appearance.

Anyway, my dad and I went into the grocery store. There was this section of the grocery store that was for ladies only, but my creepy old dad wanted to take a peek at the ladies-only section just to see what was so special about it, so he shape-changed into a lady just to ogle the women and peruse their wares. They sold lady stuff like tampons, maxipads, and dildos in that aisle as it turned out—normal grocery store items I guess, so idk why it was off-limits to men.

This post was edited by Terps on Jun 11 2020 09:56pm
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