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Dec 13 2018 11:45pm
Had a dream where I was shopping around for a new car (as I am speculating on doing in real life). In my dream, as well as in real life, I was really interested in buying a fully electric vehicle, but I was pretty certain that I would not be able to afford a good one.

Nevertheless, while shopping around on the internet and in local periodicals, I began to realize that there were some decent vehicles that were quite affordable. However, vehicles that were for sale were not represented as you would normally see them listed. Instead, vehicles' specifications and prices were instead listed as you would read a Magic card, with performance statistics being generally given a number for power, reliability being given a number for toughness, and price being equated to mana cost. For instance, I remember being surprised and delighted to hear my dad tell be about a 1/3 electric vehicle for 2 mana (red/white), which I could afford. It also was listed as having flying, although I wasn't sure if that was just on the card or actually applied to the vehicle.

Later in the dream I was in some kind of desert setting test-driving the vehicle I wanted to buy. The vehicle was like one of those hovering speeder bikes from Return of the Jedi. I think there was some kind of conflict because I ended up crashing the bike. Can't even avoid doing that in my dreams, I guess.
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Dec 25 2018 01:53am
Had a dream where parts of Bel Air were flooding, like major flooding.

I went driving near the Bel Air Athletic Club because I wanted to pick up a package from someone's house who lived near there. I didn't really want to talk to anyone; just wanted to pick up the package that was waiting on their porch and leave.

I park my car in the middle of the street and walk up to get the package. I notice that my car is about to get swept away from all of the flooding, so I pick up the pace to more of a light jog. Go to pick up the package and head back to my car when I hear a voice: it's Chris's mom saying hello. "Fuck," I think to myself, "I didn't want to have to talk to anyone." So I play it cool and courteous and come say hello. Meanwhile my car is getting swept away from all of the flooding.

Chris's mom asks me if I'd like to meet her friend (apparently the person whose package I was picking up was her friend). So I say yes, even though I really just wanted to leave and go home. Inside the apartment complex, Chris's mom has me follow her to her friend's apartment. We go to use the elevator, but it's inhabited by a moderately large family of black people. The family has to move all of their belongings out of the elevator so that Chris's mom and I can use the elevator. I felt really bad because we interrupted this family during their personal time, and I wanted to tell them to just stay settled since it wasn't really important that I go visit this person's apartment. However, the family didn't seem to mind; apparently they had to do this all of the time whenever someone wanted to use the elevator, and so were used to it. I think I might have woken up before using the elevator anyway.

--

In another dream, I was at some kind of field trip or summer camp setting where volunteer scientists (like undergrad college students) promoting the sciences were teaching young adults about ocean exploring and diving. The adults in charge of the event were showing the kids how they drop this pod/ball attached via an industrial cable into the ocean, which allows people to explore the ocean. People would seat themselves on top of each other's laps very awkwardly and intimately to fit into the ball (kind of like a bunch of stacked chairs). The pod would then have its door slammed shut and be lowered into the ocean. Then, once the pod was several hundred feet deep, the door would burst open, allowing water to rush into the pod, after which the divers would swim out and float to the surface. This was the intended function of the pod, and somehow the divers were not killed during this process.

After showing the young adults in attendance how the pod worked, the scientists asked each of the young adults to offer an object, which would be submerged within the ocean via the pod. So all of the kids were allowed to take a break, during which time they would decide what object they wanted to submerge.

I went off looking about, but then my search was interrupted by these cats, which were being flung off a cliff at a very high rate of speed. Some bad kid was using a hockey stick to fling cats hundreds of feet over the ground and off a cliff. I found this very disturbing, and I explained to the kid why what he was doing was wrong. He stopped, but I was very unsettled by the cats that had already died.

Nevertheless, the young adults reconvened some 10 minutes later after the break. The scientists/college students leading the event asked the kids what they would like to submerge within the pod. I asked if they could submerge my wheelchair. They said that they could, but all of the items would later have to be shipped back to our houses via UPS, and something the size of a wheelchair would cost them a lot to ship. They also said, however, that they would still let me submerge my wheelchair if I really wanted to, as they did not tell me prior that I could not submerge my chair, so it wouldn't be fair to stop me now. However, I didn't want to force this nonprofit youth program to pay a lot just for me to submerge my wheelchair, so I tried to think of something else.

I then got the bright idea that it might be cool to submerge a grape (which would be cheap to ship). My theory was that the extreme pressure of the ocean would turn the grape into a raisin instantly. So I found a single small green grape and went back to the loading area where items were being placed inside the pod. Right in front of my, Brandon opened his hand to reveal that he had not one but three green grapes (bigger than mine), which he planned on placing into the pod. I was crestfallen, realizing that my idea wasn't so special after all.

I'm not sure how the dream ended. I think I might have offered myself to be submerged within the pod, as I do remember the scary rushing water coming through the door in the pitch-black depth of the ocean.
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Dec 29 2018 03:35am
Had a dream where I was snorkeling. I discovered what I thought might be a new species: a large worm-like creature that had a mane-like covering of long brown algae.

I reached my arm out to touch it, and it attacked my arm like a boa constrictor. Then it inserted some kind of tube into my arm, penetrating my veins. I didn't want to touch or disturb it because I didn't want it to run away, just in case it was a new species, so it remained part of my arm, kind of like those face-grabbing aliens from Alien (but grabbing my arm). In my dream, I reasoned that if I just kept it there on my arm, then I could eventually take it somewhere to be identified after I wake up.
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Jan 2 2019 12:30pm
Had a dream where I was roommates with Brandon. While Brandon went out to run an errand one night, I thought it'd be a good idea to start up the Nissan 300zx I had in high school, just to get the juices flowing and keep it running alright. It started up fine, but it was idling funny. When I went to hit the gas to rev it up a little, the engine died, and the whole engine + motor mounts (but not the tranny) fell out of the car and hit the floor, along with the whole subframe. It meant I was going to have to do a lot of additional work repairing the car, but I didn't feel like doing that now.

I went inside and realized that, since I had the place to myself, it'd be a good time to fap in the living room. So I had my pants down when Brandon, along with his parents, came in through the front door (located just behind me) to visit the place. I quickly crouched down behind a small foot stool so that they couldn't see that I wasn't wearing pants. It was clearly awkward, as normally one would get up to greet guests personally, but I just said hello, waived, and welcomed them to our home while crouched behind the foot stool across the room, waiting until they left the room so I could run up the stairs and get some pants.
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Jan 31 2019 10:48pm
Been too long.

Had a dream this afternoon where these violent mafia people were after me. This one lady (your usual female action movie protagonist) tried to help protect me, and we were kind of becoming friends, but then I kind of ruined it all...

A situation arose where we thought some intruders might be trying to break into my home, but it turned out it was actually some friend of hers. But I didn't realize it was her friend until just after I fired three shots from my SMG into the dude's body and killed him right before she went in for a hug. So then she was really sad about her friend dying in her arms and angry at me for killing him. I felt really bad, but I couldn't take it back.

Within like 3 seconds the police showed up to investigate my accidental murder. Then, just seconds after the police showed up, the big bad evil guy just nonchalantly walked through my front door, trying to use the presence of the police against me so that I wouldn't try to fight him and go to prison. The big bad evil guy was none other than Andy Reid, but dressed in a black oversized windbreaker and black adidas warmup pants with black adidas shoes.

I was really depressed that I had killed an innocent person, so I didn't care if I died or went to jail or whatever: I wasn't just going to just let Andy Reid walk into my home like this—I was going to fight him right here and now and get it over with. So I lunged at him with a knife, and he pulled out a knife of his own (his knife was nicer than mine and in like that matte black color).

We wrestled a bit, and eventually Reid got the advantage and was on top of me with his knife about ready to slice open my stomach. I was seconds away from death, quickly realizing that there were only two possible endings to this: 1) I try struggle to keep Andy Reid from slicing open my stomach for a few more seconds as the blade inevitably gets closer and closer and eventually die, or 2) I stop struggling against the knife and just use the last of my strength to quickly slice Andy Reid's throat. Obviously option 2 was better than option 1, so I let Reid slice open my stomach, which spilled my intestines out all over the place like when Han Solo sliced open his taun-taun on Hoth, but I was able to cleanly slice open Reid's neck deep enough to kill him I think. Reid died on top of me, so I had to push his humongous body off of me, stand up, and try to stuff my viscera back into place, but there was just too much of it and it was spilling all over the carpet and making a huge mess, so I just tried to hold them in with my hands as best I could.
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Feb 12 2019 10:10pm
Had a dream. It was kind of like the Portal game, which I was getting nostalgic about playing again before bed.

In the dream there was this young boy who was like 13 years old. He lived his entire life within sleek scientific rooms kind of like Portal, never seeing the light of day his whole life, and never meeting any adults, not even his own parents. There were some other children there, presumably serving as other subjects for experiments.

The boy had this white gun, which shot a retractable projectile kind of like one of Dr. Octopus's metallic arms, only the arm was like soft white plastic, it could stretch much longer, and it was rounded on the end, not claw-like. The gun could be used to wrap abound things and swing, hit buttons and switches from far away, and pummel enemies from far away.

Since the gun was rounded on the tip, it could also be used like a dildo, which the boy was very fond of using on himself. He would snake the tentacle gun into his rectum to impossibly deep lengths, which must have felt really, really good, because this became all the boy wanted to do after awhile. It became an addiction. He would spend his days trying to find seclusion from various enemies, other children, and video cameras (like in Portal) so that he could bugger his colon in privacy.

The problem was that the levels kept resetting every so often, so the boy would have to traverse new levels every day so that he could find the peace and quiet necessary for playing with his butthole. Eventually the boy realized that he could kind of hack the system and find exploits in the design of the "game" and travel in the spaces between levels (again, like in Portal) which not only opened up the possibility of escape, but also ensured the boy would always have an easily accessible quiet space to tickle his shitter.

Eventually the boy was thrown into a level with several other children, which was unusual, as most of the time the actual levels were played by himself. (He would see other children during the daycare period between levels in the morning and night, however, so meeting other children wasn't unusual in and of itself).

The other children, the boy realized, had no idea of the potential for reshaping the level and finding the hidden spaces between levels. They were thinking like level 1 users while the boy was on like level 50 intellectually. The boy reasoned that, maybe if they combined their efforts, they could escape this research facility. So the boy led his comrades through the ceiling and into the hidden parts of the level.

Eventually the boy came to the realization that he was not gaming the system. Rather, these "exploits" were planned into the system by the architects of the research facility; the boy was just the first one to discover them. The scientists had always intended that someone find these "hidden" spaces; they just were curious how long it'd take. This realization left the boy disheartened. Idk how it ended, but I don't think he ever escaped.
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Feb 21 2019 02:05pm
Had a dream where I was taking a test flight on this new adult-sized drone—like a giant drone that could hold a human in a harness and let you fly around. (actually sounds like it could be a real invention). It was a lot of fun, and I was zipping around all over the place. It was also really scenic, since apparently the dream was taking place in the Florida Keys.

Apparently I was using a folic catheter in my dream, perhaps because you had no way to go to the bathroom once you were strapped into the drone. Once I got off the drone and had to remove the catheter, I realized the catheter somehow got all knotted and twisted inside my bladder. The only way to get it out was to try and pull it out really hard and fast. So I did that, and it hurt like hell. It also pulled my urethra inside out like a prolapsed colon, so I had this strand of urethra hanging off the tip of my wiener like an uninflated noodle balloon.

--

In another dream, I was out test-driving the Nissan 300zx I had as a teenager, since I had just suped it up with some mods and shit. I was really taking it to the limit, and eventually the car went off the side of a gravel road not unlike in F-Zero-X when your car goes off the side and you're left staring at it forever.

Somehow I got back home to do repairs, but then I realized that my urethra hurt really bad. I wasn't sure what was going on, but it hurt like inside where my bladder was. Suddenly my general physician appeared inside my garage and quickly diagnosed the problem: I had this, like, fishing hook stuck inside my bladder, with a fishing line extending all the way out of my pee-hole. It was reminiscent of that scene in one of the SAW sequels where the victim has that fishing line in their throat (?) and they have to yank it out to retrieve the key that unlocks their contraption.

To make matters worse, my general physician told me that he needed to operate right away. I was panicking. Nevertheless, my doctor held me down, and I kind of hugged him because I knew it was going to hurt like hell. Then Chris came in because he's a strong dude and could help pull it out. Chris wound the extra slack from the fishing line around his hand and then prepared himself for one quick, powerful yank, which would rip the fishing hook out of my urethra. I was closing my eyes and embracing the doctor, who was holding me down so I wouldn't flinch or get pulled by the force of the yank.

Like a man trying to pull-start a lawnmower, Chris yanked the line very quickly, and then it was all over. I opened my eyes, and everyone was gone. I was by myself as if nothing had ever happened. I checked my private area, and the only thing missing was a tiny piece of my scrotum, like the size of a large pea.

--

In retrospect, I think these dreams might have been related to my trips to the urologist that week, which I was dreading because I was afraid he'd want to scope my bladder again, which actually hurt last time I went. (It turned out he didn't do that, so luckily no big deal there).

This post was edited by Terps on Feb 21 2019 02:07pm
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Feb 24 2019 12:29am
Had a dream where I was a terrorist on a cruise ship. I set off a bomb inside the ship, which blew a hole in the hull. Then I blended in with all of the passengers during the evacuation.

To evacuate, you had to stand under this pipe that was ~5 feet in diameter. You would then be sucked into the pipe via vacuum, and then set loose into the ocean water to float to the surface (I guess because the ship was already sunk and under water you'd be released into the water like 50' below the surface). I noticed that it was a pretty dangerous way of evacuating, since the pipe was like 20 ft above the ground, so if you moved just wrong, you might suffer serious injury while being sucked in by the evacuation pipe above. In fact, the person who went ahead of me (this nice lady who served on my thesis committee) was decapitated on her way up because her head was just a little bit outside the ejection pipe. So I made sure to correct my angle and stay still—I almost over-corrected and got decapitated myself on the other side of the pipe.

Once I made it outside the pipe, I was launched into the cold, deep ocean water, left to float to the top. It was scary, since you were so deep, and you couldn't open your eyes, and the pressure hurt your body. I actually ran out of air and would have suffocated, but because it was a dream I just took another breath and held it until I was at the top.

Once I surfaced, I had a 5-star rating like in Grand Theft Auto. Somehow, everyone knew I was the one who sunk the ship. So once I made it to land, I went into incognito and then hiding. I could overhear people saying "He used to be such a nice boy... I wonder what made him change," and "It's always the quiet ones you least expect," and generally sentiments of surprise, disappointment, and hoping for my capture from friends and relatives talking about me behind my back. Also some town criers openly declared "We'll give you a second chance if you just come forward," but I knew it was just a trick.

With the help of this one aunt I never really talk to irl, she helped set me up with a new life living in a shitty farm house working a shitty job repairing small engines. Then I later moved into this shitty rat-hole Motel where drug-addicts and prostitutes lived. My clothes were really ragged and dirty too, and I never bathed. That was my life from that point forward.

--

Had a dream where I was fly fishing. I went into a still-water pond and was casting the line. I waded in and the bottom of the pond was that really gross mushy mud, which felt gross on my bare feet. I eventually landed a fish, and when I reeled it in, it had no skin, and its organs were visible. But this was normal; apparently it was just a certain species of fish.

After I was done fishing, I went to gather up my two kids and head home. When I got home, these two hillbilly bad guys shot me in the stomach with a double-barrel shotgun and kidnapped my two kids, presumably to rape and kill them. I died on the spot. Then I went into 3rd person camera mode and saw that I (my dead body) was a middle-aged fat, bald, white guy with a gravy-stained wife-beater.

The dream continued without me as the kidnappers took my kid to some secluded place. Then I, as Kurt Russell, came in with a .50 revolver and kind of sneaked up on the bad guys. I shot one of them in the shoulder for sneak attack damage. He was down. Then I shot the other guy in the leg and lower abdomen 3 times and then finished the job by strangling him to death. I could feel his windpipe beneath my hands, which I held for a full minute until I was sure he was dead. Then I rescued the kids and made my escape in the bad guys' car. It was a late 70s/early 80s Buick Regal, and it didn't have power steering. It was really hard to drive because the steering wheel was stiff and hard to turn, but the suspension itself was really mushy and unresponsive, but I just reasoned that that's just how cars were back then.

This post was edited by Terps on Feb 24 2019 12:32am
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Mar 5 2019 09:29pm
Had a dream where I think we were in like high school on a field trip being chaperoned by parents. We were riding the bus to wherever we were going. The bus driver lady I had in HS was there on the bus with us, but she was more of a supervisor. Instead, she would just watch as one of the students drove the bus.

I was the one driving the school bus, but then I got into an accident where I side-swiped another school bus in the parking lot. That was just a warning though; I was still tasked with driving the bus. However, I then got in further trouble when driving through an obstacle course (the type the MVA would give you for a driver's test). I didn't understand the course because it wasn't explained to me what I had to do, so I accidentally drove right through a line on the pavement that I wasn't supposed to cross. After that misstep, I was relieved of my duties. It became Brandon's turn to drive the bus, which placed everyone in much greater danger. Everyone was audibly disappointed, sighing that someone less skilled would now have to drive the bus. I knew I had let everyone down. Additionally, as part of the driver change, we were all forced to leave the big yellow school bus and file into a short bus for special kids. I actually liked this because there was plenty of room for my wheelchair, which didn't really matter because I could walk anyway, but I appreciated the thoughtfulness that went into such an accommodation.

Eventually, we arrived at our destination for the field trip. When we got there, it was like an IRL Halo story mode that was taking place in the heart of Baltimore. There were aliens and shit all running amok, and it was our job to kill them all. Many students died. I kind of cheesed the game by finding a narrow ledge (like an imperfection in the level design ) where the npc monsters couldn't get me, but I could shoot them until they were dead. I exploited this imperfection in the game to safely clear out a zone, which culminated in me firing puny shots with my Halo carbine rifle until this super brute was dead. The super brute was just running stupidly into the edge of the level below the ledge where I was hiding, as idiot AIs are wont to do, which allowed me to easily plink him until he was dead. It probably took liek 100 shots, but he died eventually.

After the field trip was over, Brandon had to drive us back to school. However, instead of using a school bus, he had to pilot a large ship—like a massive cargo ship—through a canal. We were being lowered from one section of the canal to the next, so as we moved forward, we had to wait for the canal in front of us to fill with water before we could advance. However, Brandon's timing or patience was way off, and so he entered the next section of the canal prematurely, causing the ship to crash down into the water. We were all okay, thankfully, but it was a clear warning not to do that again: wait until the next section of the canal fills with water before proceeding. However, Brandon did not learn his lesson, and again piloted the ship into the next part of the canal before there was any water in it. The ship went crashing through the giant steel water gate and then went crashing down into the nearly empty section of canal that was ahead of us. The passengers were all ejected from the ship and onto some sort of train car that was transporting trash to the landfill.

Several students and parent/chaperones found themselves wounded but still alive atop the speeding rail-car full of trash. As we came to, we realized that there were IV's in our arms, as if we had been injected with something. A man in a suit explained to us that we were receiving treatment for HIV as part of a clinical trial on some new HIV drug test (so I guess we had all been given HIV?). The IV was kind of gross and hurt my arm, but I tolerated it. Then, I noticed among the trash some experimental candy, like some prototype new Reese's pieces and some assorted Hershey's minis (like Krackel, Mr. Goodbar, etc.), which I knew they wouldn't let me have, so I hid bags of chocolate under my sweat jacket and hid as many Reese's pieces in my mouth as I could. It was clearly awkward how I was hiding them, and the man in the suit was looking at me suspiciously, but he never called me out on stealing the candy.

Eventually, the rail car arrived at this alien monster enemy, which stood like 50 stories tall and was wreaking havoc in downtown Baltimore. The IV's in our arms began to hurt, and somehow we collectively realized that we were not, in fact, given a cure for HIV. Instead, we were given some kind of experimental serum that was supposed to turn us into super soldiers when we approached alien enemies. However, all it really did was make us feel really weak and sick. It felt like my veins were burning. I don't remember what happened exactly, but I think I used what energy I could muster to roll off the train car full of garbage, escaping with my stolen Reese's pieces and other assorted chocolate bars.
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Mar 8 2019 03:46am
Had a dream where I was at a relative's house for some kind of family get-together. It was a really messy place with little kids playing everywhere.

I had to go to the bathroom, but there was no place to go to the bathroom, so they had me lean my back up against the side of the wall and shit into an old, grey 1950s style fedora hat. I was producing yellowy clay-colored poops that were thick but would break off into short, stubby little segments. In short time, there was probably like a cup and a half of fat turd chunks in the hat.

I was going to be there awhile since it takes me a long time to shit. This one female relative in attendance didn't want me to feel self-conscious, so she took off her pants as well so that I wasn't the only one with my pants off, which was sort of hot but not really 'cuz she's like in her 40s and has kids and isn't particularly attractive. Then it turned out it wasn't really my relative but this professor I knew at UMD who mentored me for a bit. I got to telling her about how I fucked up at work/class the other day by making an inappropriate joke. Then it turned into an anxiety dream because I was worrying over work in my dream.
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