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Member
Posts: 22,331
Joined: Jul 12 2008
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Jan 19 2018 03:18pm
Well it’s like this, I’m not on birth control meds counteracts will them and haven’t gotten pregnant for over a year. I assumed it be hard to conceive so I continued to have sex unprotectedly. Today I had diarrhea sry tmi and cramping so I said fuck it and took the test and sure enough positive. I told my fiance and he was in shock and didn’t have much to say when I told him. Also I don’t believe in abortions and don’t want to go down that path. We live in a one bedroom apartment and funds are tight. I’m nervous and don’t know what to do or who to turn to. Any advice would be very helpful thank you.
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Jan 19 2018 04:56pm
Mentioned it before, do what you think is best. But I will reiterate, a lot of things can change in during those 9 months. Maybe you guys will get really decent jobs and finances won't be a burden. Take things one day at a time and keep communicating with your guy.
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Joined: Aug 27 2012
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Jan 19 2018 05:03pm
Quote (AprilMarie @ Jan 19 2018 02:18pm)
Well it’s like this, I’m not on birth control meds counteracts will them and haven’t gotten pregnant for over a year. I assumed it be hard to conceive so I continued to have sex unprotectedly. Today I had diarrhea sry tmi and cramping so I said fuck it and took the test and sure enough positive. I told my fiance and he was in shock and didn’t have much to say when I told him. Also I don’t believe in abortions and don’t want to go down that path. We live in a one bedroom apartment and funds are tight. I’m nervous and don’t know what to do or who to turn to. Any advice would be very helpful thank you.


This might be a bit harsh but bear with me. When you make adult decisions, you have adult consequences. These can be positive or negative depending on how you handle them, not how they occur or what they entail. You have stated you do not believe in abortion, so there is only one path to go with.

Funds are tight, and the apartment is small, but life finds a way. You are going to be bringing a life into the world, and whether or not you don't want it to happen, it seems very likely that it will. So you should do the honorable thing and give it the best fighting odds possible, because this world we live in, is very harsh.

I would start with your local Department of Social and Human Services to see what kind of support you could get. Maybe it is food stamps, maybe it is pediatric care (hopefully your fiance has good insurance because State-funded assistance isn't the best, but they will do their job for mothers in need). Maybe it is just phone numbers and avenues of approach during what is to be a life-changing event for you. Eat right and nourish your body so that your child may be born healthy. Work out, lightly, avoid stress such as the inevitability and the unknown of the situation. Focus on the fact you're going to be something not everyone gets to be; a mother.

Not everyone gets to be one, and not every mother is a good one. But you get to make a choice. You personally have the power to change a life. And it is one that you will find to be dear to you as time canters about then races on.

I'm sure it is scary, but you have a spouse-to-be. Some mothers are left without that or have husbands who go off to war and leave them with multiple children to raise. Many succeed. All you have to do is act.

Start with the baby steps. Stock up on supplies needed. Save your money. Coupons, food banks, that extra shift at work? Do it. Prepare your friends and family for the news and don't drop it on people later. Give them time to support you by being honest and truthful about your fears and your desires.

There is a poem written by a man named Max Ehrmann I'm going to post as well, and I hope it finds you well and lifts your spirits;


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

You'll be ok. And when you're successful down the road, and your child comes running to you to show you something that they have learned, you will be given a gift from the universe for you alone; purpose and contentment.

:hug:
Member
Posts: 22,331
Joined: Jul 12 2008
Gold: 1,340.00
Jan 19 2018 05:09pm
Quote (Anton24 @ Jan 19 2018 06:03pm)
This might be a bit harsh but bear with me. When you make adult decisions, you have adult consequences. These can be positive or negative depending on how you handle them, not how they occur or what they entail. You have stated you do not believe in abortion, so there is only one path to go with.

Funds are tight, and the apartment is small, but life finds a way. You are going to be bringing a life into the world, and whether or not you don't want it to happen, it seems very likely that it will. So you should do the honorable thing and give it the best fighting odds possible, because this world we live in, is very harsh.

I would start with your local Department of Social and Human Services to see what kind of support you could get. Maybe it is food stamps, maybe it is pediatric care (hopefully your fiance has good insurance because State-funded assistance isn't the best, but they will do their job for mothers in need). Maybe it is just phone numbers and avenues of approach during what is to be a life-changing event for you. Eat right and nourish your body so that your child may be born healthy. Work out, lightly, avoid stress such as the inevitability and the unknown of the situation. Focus on the fact you're going to be something not everyone gets to be; a mother.

Not everyone gets to be one, and not every mother is a good one. But you get to make a choice. You personally have the power to change a life. And it is one that you will find to be dear to you as time canters about then races on.

I'm sure it is scary, but you have a spouse-to-be. Some mothers are left without that or have husbands who go off to war and leave them with multiple children to raise. Many succeed. All you have to do is act.

Start with the baby steps. Stock up on supplies needed. Save your money. Coupons, food banks, that extra shift at work? Do it. Prepare your friends and family for the news and don't drop it on people later. Give them time to support you by being honest and truthful about your fears and your desires.

There is a poem written by a man named Max Ehrmann I'm going to post as well, and I hope it finds you well and lifts your spirits;


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

You'll be ok. And when you're successful down the road, and your child comes running to you to show you something that they have learned, you will be given a gift from the universe for you alone; purpose and contentment.

:hug:


Ty hun I needed that to help clear my head. I appreciate it. :hug:

Member
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Jan 19 2018 05:47pm
You bet! You're gonna be just fine. Chin up.

The late Stuart Scott said it best and I refer to it often;

Clear eyes, full heart, can't lose.
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Jan 19 2018 06:07pm
or contact an adoption agency to give the child up.
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Jan 19 2018 07:47pm
Looks like you are having a baby congrats

This post was edited by Xistz on Jan 19 2018 07:47pm
Member
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Jan 19 2018 08:33pm
Quote (xBx @ Jan 19 2018 05:07pm)
or contact an adoption agency to give the child up.


Not gonna lie I didn't even consider that. Definite option.
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Posts: 30,455
Joined: Jul 7 2010
Gold: 1,113.99
Jan 20 2018 03:38am
Migrate to Germany - get few more kids
Live in abundance, drive Mercedes and don't need to work. Gov pays.
Member
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Joined: Apr 16 2007
Gold: 179.00
Jan 20 2018 07:12am
I'm the happiest I've ever been with my child. I work hard to support my family but it's worth it.

I wish you both the best of luck with your decision
.
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