It’s Saturday night, 11:21pm and I’m laying in bed.

I haven’t touched any drugs all weekend.

This is the longest I haven’t taken a drug in about 6 months...it’s only been 8 days but I am proud of this. I’ll take any small win.

I think having the talk with my parents and seeing both my mum AND dad cry really helped to put things into perspective of how bad I have been.

My goal is 1 month without drugs. Starting from last Monday, the 25th of June.

I took a week leave from work just for a break. I’ve been out for drinks with a girl from work and didn’t get tempted to do any drugs. Normally after a few beers I’m keen to do so.

I bought a new car and am in the process of FINALLY sorting out this second house. I should be set to make $70,000 once the new property is built, so that’s a bonus.

I’ve been back in the gym slowly building myself back up. Although it’s winter here in Australia I’ve also been trying to get out doors to exercise. The below photo is one of my favourite spots I used to play at as a kid.

It’s amazing how different I feel even after this short period of time.

Haven’t posted in a while.

I’ve now had 2 weekends since posting without drugs.

I had a work party Thursday night and did do drugs but not as many as I normally would. I still feel bad after doing them though and am coming down.

Slept with a girl from work after the party, we’ve been seeing each other a little and she’s cool..it’s just annoying we work together.

Signed off on my loan refinance so the whole house situation with my ex should be sorted in the next week or so.

Life has been pretty good lately.

Little update

I’ve been talking to the girl from the work party a lot. She’s been away on uni placement and I went and visited her last weekend. We had an awesome weekend just drinking, eating, sexing and relaxing.

Last night I went out with some friends for burgers. We ended up having some drinks and going out. I did some drugs.

I woke up this morning more hungover than anything. Got up and went to the gym then to the beach even though it’s mid winter here.

I’ve felt absolutely amazing today. I generally hate the way I look (hence why I go to the gym so much) but I caught myself in the mirror and was genuinely happy with what I saw.

I feel like I’m at a really good point in my life.

Did drugs Friday and A LOT on Saturday night. It’s Wednesday and I still feel like shit

Haven’t posted here in a while.

Work has been super busy which is good but I’m working 50-60 weeks which is tiring.

Broke it off with the girl from work because she didn’t want to date and my feelings were growing too strong for her and I knew I’d get hurt. Still feel sad about it. I never told her about the other 6 girls I slept with whilst we were seeing each other which is bad.

Seeing a girl I rekindled with. She’s really in to me but I really just don’t know. I think I may be seeing her to escape the loneliness of living alone...

I’ve cut back in drug use but am still doing them from time to time.

Today a wave of complete and utter sadness came over me. Maybe because today was the first I’d worked with the girl I was seeing? I only broke it off on Tuesday and took the new girl on a date / slept with her on the Wednesday...I don’t know if that made me sad but I felt (and feel) the worst I’ve felt in a long time.

I have a music festival tomorrow which I’ll be taking drugs at. I’m worried I’ll come down hard with everything happening but we will see.

It’s coming in to summer here so the weather is warming up which is nice. I’ve dropped about 5-6kg and am feeling decent about myself in the gym.

This post was edited by bjones9 on Nov 2 2018 01:39am

After the massive weekend I’ve basicslly been in bed wallowing in self hatred and sadness. The worst I’ve felt in months.

I managed to get up and go out on a little date with the new girl so that was nice. She also dragged me to the gym yesterday - otherwise I slept / lounged around for 17 hours after I called in sick to work.

Went to the gym myself today and I will go to work.

Time to lay off the partying again

Spent about $1200 over the weekend on drugs and alcohol, coming down badly now

I’ve slept with 8 girls since I’ve stopped seeing the girl from work. I hung out with her today and it was good, I do miss seeing her as much - it’s weird.

Work is busy coming in to Christmas

Overall I’m not very happy again

Had Xmas work party on Thursday night. I took drugs and got drunk. The girl I was seeing and I had a fight so I got an Uber to her place where my car was and drove home fucked up.

The drug use is killing me mentally. It’s now Saturday and I feel beyond anxious and depressed. I’m worried if I continue this trend I will kill my self as those thoughts have been on the forefront of my mind for a while now.

I know I need to change my lifestyle. I think I need help.