It's a bit lengthy but please read it all. I will give fg to well thought out replies.

Background

I met this girl at the beginning of the semester in my graduate classes. She is a foreign exchange student from Germany. We are in the same major and have 2 classes together. We sit next to each other so I see her 5 days a week for an hour per day.

Story

At the beginning of the semester I asked her out on a double date (with my friend and his gf to be my wingmen) and she agreed. We went out and the date went fantastic. I went to the bathroom for a minute and my friend texted me telling me she was asking all kinds of questions about me while I was gone. It was obvious this girl was really interested in me. At the end of the night we made out a little bit, and she commented that I was her favorite American guy.

After that, we went on dates about once a week, but we weren't officially in a relationship. Every date we went on went great, we have a lot in common and we just connected. On our dates we would kiss, hold hands, etc and the two times she came over to my house things got a bit more heated. However, in class things weren't as great. She acted more distant any time we were around each other on campus. We would walk together leaving class each day and some days I'd give her a kiss goodbye. We would text fairly often too, texting was good.

Finally, here's where things went downhill. Out of nowhere she seemed to get more distant and started taking longer to respond to my texts. At one point she didn't respond for an entire day. A couple weeks ago she took a week long trip to New York and I dropped her off at the airport. We were really enjoying each other's company and we made out some more before she left. But I texted her while she was in NY and never heard back from her. When she got back she was even more distant and started making excuses to avoid spending time with me. I finally got her to agree to get coffee with me one day, and we had a long conversation.

Story Pt. 2 (Her explanation")

On our coffee date, we sat down and talked. She told me she didn't think we should date right now. She explained that she had some time to think while she was away and it gave her some space because she was apparently feeling culture shock from being in the US.

She said that before she came to the US, she was in a 5 year long relationship and that her boyfriend just decided to end it when she came to the US. I asked her if she still loved him and she said no, and that she was over it. She said her ex started texting her but she won't be getting back together with him.

Moving on to me, she said it's not me (of course), but she just doesn't want to date anyone right now. I asked her if she wanted me to sit away from her in class and she said "No, you are one of the few thing I like about America." She then said we could still be friends and that maybe we could date in the future. I then asked her if she really thought there was a chance we could date in the future or if she was just saying that to make me feel better. She responded by saying yes, she thinks it's possible. I told her it would be difficult to be friends but I would give it a shot for now.

Questions/Need advice

How do I act around this girl now if I still want to date her? I have heard lots of opinions on when girls want to be friends, but I want to know what you guys think.

Should I distance myself from her and pretend to not be interested?
Should I talk to other girls around her to make her jealous?
Should I continue to try and flirt with her and do things with her?
Do you think she is being honest about dating in the future? Or is she just letting me down easy like girls tend to do?

What is my best option if I really want to date this girl? Any advice or opinions are welcome.

Thanks for reading.

This post was edited by KitsuneYosh on Nov 2 2017 12:03pm

" I finally got her to agree to get coffee with me one day, and we had a long conversation."

Finally got her to agree?
Don't chase after women, if they become cold and distant, back off. Possibly you were coming on too strong, that may be your issue.
A man has to find that sweetspot, where he cares, but he doesn't care TOO much. Going on a double date so early was a mistake in my opinion. It worked out for you, but that's really more of a couple thing for when shes a girlfriend.

I think you probably made her feel pressured. Possibly she felt like you were trying to lock her down too hard, that makes women run. It's better to take things slow, and just go with the flow.
But, it's hard to say, but this could be the reason why women have left you in the past.

Should I distance myself from her and pretend to not be interested? Start dating other women, dont be a cold dick, always be kind to women.
Should I talk to other girls around her to make her jealous? No. Don't play games, but do start dating other women. If you're talking to a woman and she shows up, so be it, but don't deliberately do it just to make her feel jealous. That's weak.
Should I continue to try and flirt with her and do things with her? No. You dont run after someone that rejects you, if she reaches out to you, be nice and sweet, be indifferent and lighthearted, be fun, but otherwise, dont bother. Don't reach out, she knows you want her. She can contact you.
Do you think she is being honest about dating in the future? Or is she just letting me down easy like girls tend to do? Letting you down easy, when women say, it's not you it's me, it's generally you.
But women will never give you a straight answer, they don't want to hurt men's feelings. Possibly it is another man.

This post was edited by GLYC123 on Nov 2 2017 12:30pm

So continue to be friendly around her, but don't be overly nice or act too interested is what you're saying? Don't go out of my way to care for her.

Does this mean I shouldn't ever text her? Can I still ask her to go do things with me? I don't mean on dates, but say I'm going to an event. Can I invite her along?

The reason I ask is because I only see her for an hour per day, and in class no less. So there's not much room for conversation past saying how are you. There's no room for me to build attraction in that setting.

Basically, I feel like if I never see her outside of class, she will easily get bored of me since that is not an exciting setting. And why would she ever text me first?

Thoughts?

dude if a girl ever says she only wants to be friends and it doesnt matter if its only for now it means she doesnt like you enough or at all most likely. shes probably having sex with another dude too

This post was edited by BlizzNorth on Nov 2 2017 08:49pm

I agree with the first part, I've learned to not trust women. But if she didn't like me then why did things go so great on all of the dates we went on? I think there's more to it than that.

But I will add that I'm almost 100% sure she's not seeing someone else. When we were talking I straight up asked her if this was because of someone else, and she told me she wasn't seeing anyone else. Maybe you had to be there, but the way she said it, I have no doubt she was being honest about it.

She's trying to let you off nicely. Girls don't like to say "I'm not interested in you", they find it too confrontational.

Just reflect on what might have caused her to lose interest, learn, and move on.

OP should come on the way that fits his character, not the way that the opposite side dictates, is what I think.
What happened to "be yourself"?

Thank you all for the advice so far.

Had class with her today. I walked in right as class was starting and sat next to her like usual. We smiled and said hello to each other. As the teacher was lecturing I noticed her occasionally glancing over and looking at me, but I just pretended to not notice and focused on the lecture. She gets bored in class so I didn't think much of it. I didn't glance over at her at all. When class ended I said have a nice weekend and walked out the door without waiting up for her.

I understand why I need to back off and give her space, I don't want her to think I'm needy. But is there anything I can do proactively?

This post was edited by KitsuneYosh on Nov 3 2017 11:55am

This 100 %

Also I forgot to mention something that may be relevant and important.

A couple weeks before she ended things, we were chilling in my room having a heart to heart convo. The conversation switched to relationshipd so I asked her what kind of relationship we had. She said it was kind of a romantic relationship but that in Germany it is unusual for 2 people to start dating before they know each other well. She said it is more common to become friends first and then start dating once you are good friends for a while.

Now, I don't actually believe this is a German thing, but rather how she personally feels on relationships. Nevertheless I thought it was important to mention.

Does this change anything?