Quote (Kamahl16 @ Jun 4 2017 04:08pm)
So I have never been in a serious relationship before and just got through an ugly breakup with my first serious girlfriend. I am wondering how long it usually takes you guys to "get over" something like this. We lived together for a year and a half, maybe a little over, and spent a huge amount of time together.
I am just having a hugely difficult time getting over her. Every little thing about my apartment reminds me of her, given that we lived together for just about the whole time I lived there, and in addition to the breakup I have had some problems with depression throughout my whole life.
Over the past month and a half or so I have noticed it has gotten a little bit easier but I still have a hard time sleeping at night, can't get her out of my mind most of the time and find myself torturing myself by checking her social media shit and seeing new pictures she posts. To my knowledge she hasn't been with anyone else but the idea of her being with other people makes me really sad.
Any advice on how you guys got over women (or men if there are women on here)?
The hardest part about the initial break up period is the underlying superlatives in everyday nuances that remind you of the good times. You'll find you'll remember them far more when you do see them, and it will heal the hurt. I say this because only when we know who we are, and what we need, are we truly able to be free.
The ticks, the angst, it washes away simply with time. As a species, our time here is very limited. Your conscience will do you a favor with each passing day, as long as you don't sit on your heels and wait for the thoughts to enter, and turn your optimism into chagrin and a sour taste.
They say on average, for every 6 months you spent together, you need a week of healing. For a serious 18 months, this rounds down to 3 weeks. But everybody is different. It might take a month, it might take two, but the best thing you can do (imo) is get outside and engage humanity. In this day and age where the world is upside down, whites are black and blacks are white, you have to challenge yourself to be above the pain. Go out and lift some weights, see some old friends, take time with your family, and invest in yourself. Be the best you can be, so that when you find that next sparkle, that next muse, that next love, you can be prepared for it. You have to seize the day, and endure. As men, it is our internal struggle; to find our place among the societal pack, and be who we are born to be. I cannot comment on women, as I am not a woman.
Boy does it get easier knowing a woman loves you, and is there for you, at the end of those daily battles. But you know who else you have? Yourself. Family. Friends. Those pretentious fucks in the JSP Love Line, or whatever subforum you frequent. You're taking the right steps already! Asking for help, airing it out, these are just gut instincts that I promise you are the correct measures. Don't beat yourself up mentally. Challenge yourself to be better than the day before. That's all there is to life man; be a better man than yesterday. The past allows us to remember the scars and the lessons learned. Close that door, and open the next.
She's always going to be a part of you. It was your first serious relationship. You have already outlined and detailed that she was not the one for you. This does not make you broken or cruel, or lost. It makes you human; fatal and flawed in every sense of the word. Chin up. Stuart Scott my man; clear eyes, full heart, can't lose.
Fill your heart with the love and pride you have in yourself. Dust off the PF Flyers and go run the city blocks. Help an old lady across the street. Live your life the best way possible, and the dividends this will pay will be ten-fold. This love that is no more? Simply your first step on becoming who you were born to be. Time. It will take care of the cold spot on the bed. It will heal the shows and movies you loved to share with her. For right now, separate from those thoughts, and move on.
GLY nailed it. Detach from that situation. It's ok to be curious; you loved her. But for yourself, your pride, your dignity, don't ever fucking settle. You hear me? Go get what you want. Simply; figure out what you want, and go get it. Sometimes this takes years to figure out.
You seem like the kind of guy who values honesty, integrity, and commitment. Take those principles and invest in yourself. You'll find food tastes better, the air is more refreshing, and the women more lovely.
You'll be ok man. I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but these are principles that I witnessed my father take when my mother cheated on him, and through my failed relationships. He's doing great, I'm doing great. It just took some time and effort.
Clear eyes, full heart, can't lose. Always hope, never fear. Don't settle for less. Chin up, chest out, shirt tucked in, proud of who you are, the scars you have earned.