Quote (GLYC123 @ May 13 2017 09:32am)
Well, the mutual crying thing doesn't really help. I think you'll be fine, I would just drop the issue and move on from it.
It happened. You lost your cool and acted insecure. Drop it.
Here's some food for thought though.
If a person wants to cheat, there's absolutely nothing that you can possibly do to stop it.
So don't worry about it unless it happens.
Also, shes "the source of my motivation and happiness", might want to reestablish and reevaluate yourself. You sound a bit off center.
Live for you, a woman is a supplement to your life, not your sole purpose.
This is honestly the best advice you're gonna get.
I'm gonna add it to it.
As a guy, there's two things to consider here; one, don't cry over drama. Ever. Cry after your team wins the Cup/Pennant/whatever, maybe over how good a beer tastes, and the smell of freedom. Don't cry because you did something wrong. You're 21, and too many men in this day and age act like women. Digging through her shit to find dirt is a woman's tactic. You should be busy with work, school, hobbies, your mates, and then her. If a friend tells you he saw her with some dude on the dance floor kissing or something? Just call her on her bullshit and trust your gut. You don't need ammunition or anything. You just need your own fortitude to make the best decision for you. Harden the fuck up. Don't go looking for drama.
A woman is a supplement. Also, the fact you've been dating from distance for so long doesn't help. One of you needs to man up (cough) and start moving some chips on the table. I'd reason you looked through her phone because you don't *ACTUALLY* know her fully yet. Why? Because you're only around her for a little bit once every month or two. I don't care how much you talk on the phone, things change when you're in person. Bank on it.
And two; even if something is eating you up inside, you don't do that sort of shit. Go channel it into success at the gym, talk to your Parish, whatever. You can tell her, but what to what end? Your own sanity? You already planted the seeds of doubt for anything. All you did was cop out in case shit goes bad, "well, at least I was honest." Honest through a dishonest act still tastes bad and you'll do different in the future. You'll learn as you get older that women don't need to hear every private detail of yours. They don't need 100% transparency except with your intentions. If you secretly like anime and shit, she's gonna find out. You don't have to broadcast it and wear a MLP shirt or something unless you need to express that. There's far too many layers on a person to peel back everything at once. Sometimes things are better left unsaid, and are good for a surprise. "I've never heard you laugh like that!" "Why does this movie make you teary-eyed." "You like NSYNC too!?!"
There's stuff that's meant to be found out down the road. What if you had stumbled onto plans of hers to move in with you, and you didn't get to be genuinely surprised? It's like when my girlfriend came to visit me after not seeing her for 2 months. One of my friends told me she was coming, so I cleaned up the place, got a haircut, blah blah blah. It ruined the surprise. Sure, we were happy to see each other, but she wanted to catch me off guard with my hands on my nuts all dirty on the couch. She didn't get to. We didn't get to be comfortable till much later, and I wasn't shocked and happy for the delightful surprise. Which she KNEW right away. It immediately took her from 110 to 100. And 90 after she settled. She was ready to fuck me coming through the door, but instead we had an hour long talk about my buddy giving me the heads up (actually my buddy's GF).
All you're doing is inviting negativity into your life with your thoughts dude. If you love her and want to be with her, it's been long enough. The detective in you tells me it's time. But, maybe now that you've done this, she won't be ready.
You cannot put a woman on such a lofty pedestal now matter how good she makes you feel. Why? Because you are responsible for your own happiness. If she's all of it? Lord your crash and tumble should anything ever happen... might be horrible.
I don't mean to sound so mean, as most of my posts are usually uplifting. But you need a straight answer here.
Move on from this immediately. Don't look back at it, don't dwell on it, and for God's sake, don't bring it up.
There's an old adage; women forgive, but they don't forget. Men forget, but they don't forgive. She'll forgive you as long you forgive yourself and forget about it. She never will. Anytime you fuck up now, she has ammunition. "Remember that time you tore through my shit and found nothing?" Followed by you; "I didn't TEAR through your shit." Doesn't matter, lost argument on the relation foundation.
Forget about it. Don't cry. Move on.