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Feb 23 2009 05:45pm
Last Letter to Eve

Remember always the lesson of two trees
As one teaches another reaches, as good soil sows good seed.

Eve, what grows in you are great trees,
such things never still standing, even fallen
Oh, such a reach, branches without end, they seem.

Soon I shall depart, when your womb finds root, I go.
Between two worlds, my pivots' rise and fall.
Looking behind I shall find a world we gave to each
from the fruit of two trees. As for me I shall return
some day, in my silent ways, upon my silent waves.

When I see you and him, husband and wife, as one together
resting beneath great trees, perhaps over eternity. Quietly
I shall pass, the lonely traveler presented charities.
Gifts opened from you, from yours
as far as my spectacles would see.
Eve, so many trees granting to be touched,
to leave with them my own unique
knowledge's spun from stories of us. Me.

If searching, I am found, seeking for the few confused
whom in seeing me saw the darkest umbrae. Surroundings,
with white light's emitting from holes that fade.
These children I shall, in memory of your memories, subdue.
Lest they be left to Father, their ideas and intents,
and I, but a short time of wraith for my continuance.

Yes, proclaiming truths when of a distant past
a serpent beside, below at your feet, freely sat.
Both in our own ways curled, attempting that fruits sweet peril.

I look forward's to tomorrow, the children of yours;
in looking back they will realize those path's that led me here,
the many shells I left, shed reminders.
Dried Skins, found in time to honor me, as I search my world
through thriving thorns. Above me, Eve, all these trees.

For within you resides the respites of men,
both their cooling and ever changing shades.
Inside each color finds a part of you imbued,
those parts that draw tendencies, to the eyes.

Eve, you are the measured hue of Man.
Who else makes a barren ground fertile for trees?
For this society in honor of you
Eve, I shall call this forest…Humanity
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Feb 28 2009 03:41am
probably the best work ive seen here, got more?
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Mar 1 2009 11:46pm
Quote (eriot @ Sat, 28 Feb 2009, 01:41)
probably the best work ive seen here, got more?


Ill work on more and put them in here and pm you when they are up
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Mar 3 2009 03:04am
your use of language is artful, perhaps even sonorous; a joy to mouth.
the style reminds me of this poet.. i think his last name is brathwaite or something.. except minus his fury mebe.
and certain parts reminds me of iron and wine's trapeze swinger. so soothingly melancholic

one thing i can't figure out.. is this the voice of the christian deity speaking? it comes off paternalistic at times. sight through spectacles implies age.. but then the speaker refers to "Father" and that makes it sound like its not the creator speaking. theres also some sexual tension as of old lovers between the speaker and eve, which makes me think perhaps the speaker is Lucifer? who seduced eve into temptation.. and the speaker connects himself to snakes by saying that old skins are his legacy. the supernatural agency rules out a human as speaker, unless its collective humanity?
this ambiguity works well to achieve something almost eerie or metaphysical.. so perhaps its best for your reader to be confused. so feel free to refuse to explain.

to tack on a negative criticism,
i didnt like "silent ways... silent waves". obviously this is a personal preference but it just seemed too easy, u kno wat i mean? like if i wrote it, it would have been something that was momentarily pleasing but artificial in hindsight or something i shudv enhanced.

do you have no past work to post? seems like you have some experience..
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Mar 19 2009 11:17pm
Quote (eriot @ Tue, 3 Mar 2009, 01:04)
your use of language is artful, perhaps even sonorous; a joy to mouth.
the style reminds me of this poet.. i think his last name is brathwaite or something.. except minus his fury mebe. 
and certain parts reminds me of iron and wine's trapeze swinger. so soothingly melancholic

one thing i can't figure out.. is this the voice of the christian deity speaking? it comes off paternalistic at times. sight through spectacles implies age.. but then the speaker refers to "Father" and that makes it sound like its not the creator speaking. theres also some sexual tension as of old lovers between the speaker and eve, which makes me think perhaps the speaker is Lucifer? who seduced eve into temptation.. and the speaker connects himself to snakes by saying that old skins are his legacy. the supernatural agency rules out a human as speaker, unless its collective humanity?
this ambiguity works well to achieve something almost eerie or metaphysical.. so perhaps its best for your reader to be confused. so feel free to refuse to explain.

to tack on a negative criticism,
i didnt like "silent ways... silent waves". obviously this is a personal preference but it just seemed too easy, u kno wat i mean? like if i wrote it, it would have been something that was momentarily pleasing but artificial in hindsight or something i shudv enhanced.

do you have no past work to post? seems like you have some experience..



To tell you the truth, my work is just through my mind, I cannot explain this a 100%
but from the stories I read at my age now (im pretty young still)
and the stories years ago by church, I just kinda put this together
And yes the speaker is Lucifer
which brings the chain at the end for an opening spot:

"Eve, I shall call this forest…Humanity"

To begin the time of sins.
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May 31 2009 02:12am
really good kevin
some of the best poetry ive ever read
keep up the good work, i miss LC

This post was edited by TFoG_Leader on May 31 2009 02:13am
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Jun 18 2009 03:31am
im at a loss for words. that moved me at a very deep level. thank you for sharing that with us <3
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Jun 18 2009 09:58am
this is really unquie and best read here ever greatwork i would love to see more of your work.
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Jun 19 2009 12:31pm
best poem i`ve ever seen
keep on very nice poetry :thumbsup:
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Jun 20 2009 05:31pm
Reminds me of Satan's soliloquies from Paradise Lost. ;)


Keep up the good work.
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