I find myself
Standing at the edge, where all is lost
The edge of my mind,
Never have seen anything of the kind.

I look down
An abundance of darkness
Encircling me
Pulling me in
Making other thoughts forbidden.

Wanting to fall
Feet trembling
Forever with my lonesome thoughts
Replaying that moment
Of absolute torture.

It will tear through my mind
Darkness ripping it to pieces
Leaving behind my emotions
Enthralled within a ball of matter
Only to be forced off the edge.

Then I fall...
Air whistling by, every second
Seeming longer and longer
I collide with the deepest part of my mind
Area around crumbing beneath my emotions

As this wall breaks from the impact,
I am scattered
With no hope of being put back together...

I like the imagery.

Would you mind a little criticism?

I would love to hear some criticism xD
All helps toward future pieces :)

So bad. It doesn't even rhyme...

^poems do not need to rhyme, there are many many poets who write this way xD

There are many good poets who do not rhyme, yes. However, you've pretty much hit the nail on the head with your own poem, too. There are many people who write poems 'that' way, right down the the same clichéd language and aimless repetitions of 'dark' imagery, and they're all churned out by angsty teens. Without trying to insult you, the simple truth is that there is absolutely nothing unique or interesting about your poem whatsoever. There is no wit or word play, no irony or humour, no wider social comment, no meaning in your structural choice... The point of this poem is nonexistent. It is meaningless, little more than incoherent, self-indulgent rambling.

You should, by all means, try again but, as it's clear you've very little experience in poetry, I advise you actually read some (from established writers) before attempting your own. See what they do differently and how you can improve.

This post was edited by Razzattack on Dec 2 2011 06:15pm

Sounds like you should seek counseling just kidding. Writing is a great way to channel psycho-emotional tensions. Ahem. On to the constructive criticism.....

Your adjectives are very trite (cliche) and it seems as if you are trying desperately to convey introspection, but it comes across as vague and overreaching. Mentally I visualize an emo-metal band of sorts screeching this composition lyrically on cranked, blown-out speakers in a sweatbox high school auditorium room packed full of washed up superficial wrist-slashing juggernauts. Yikes! All joking aside Razzattack made some excellent and better articulated points as well.



It's called free-verse, buddy boy

I understand where you are coming from and acknowledge your comment, thank you
Though when you say there is no meaning to this poem, there is, and the meaning is for me and whichever meaning you see fit for yourself.
I try really hard to write in a way that there is not one way to look at the poem, there are many and they vary from one person to the other.
That is also the reason I do not like many poems, because the writer only acknowledges one idea, thought, or concept in their poem which can only be interpreted one way, and in my opinion is not a very (what's the word i am looking for) just way to write, but that is just me and others have their opinion on that subject xD



^hahaha yea i think i need some counseling to be honest hahaha


^haha that is an interesting way to see this peom xD, just as I said in response to Razzattack, I like that you saw something in the poem that I didn't, and I wrote it lololol thanks

Your response only confirms my own comments. You're throwing up into the air, running out of the room, switching off the lights and hoping someone finds some 'profound' or 'deep' meaning in the mess somewhere. You're basically saying 'it is whatever you want it to be', which is about the laziest thing a writer can do. The Emperor has no sodding clothes.

You, with all due resepect, really have to see that this poem is indefensibly poor, and what about it makes it so, before you will make any sort of advancement in your writing. Just my opinion, so take it or leave it as you please. I shan't say anymore on the subject.

This post was edited by Razzattack on Dec 3 2011 05:28pm

Sorry bro that my writing doesn't please you because it does not fit your standard, I have my own opinion on how I approach my writing, and I am not trying to have people find a profound meaning to my poem, I want them to see their own meaning, it may be totally the opposite as I see the poem but that is how they see it and I respect them for that

By you saying that 'its whatever you want to be' makes me envision you as a very close minded person, who knows a standard and sticks to it without any variation, and that sir saddens me, it really does