Hi guys,

Before I tell you about my love drama, I just want to beg you to put aside the facts I tell you about this girl and her family and focus on our relations only.

So I've been in a relationship with this girl for 8 months.
She was married when we met, but haven't been living with her husband for more than a year. She has 2 kids, which is not a problem for me, because I love kids even if they're not mine.
So we met at work and hit up pretty fast. She's very good looking and I really like her.
She got divorced and I thought things will pick up from here, but it got even worse.
Ever since her parents left the country to work in Germany She's being quite weird, lieing me all the time, mostly about money. She's always in the middle of some drama with her pothead friends, which I don't approve. I always helps her out, try to calm her down, lend her money, which I never get back so far(currently over 2k eur).
Don't get me wrong, I don't care about the money and I don't want them back. I just want her to be happy, because she suffered a lot while she was married.
The problem is her treatment of me - all the lies, all the promises she made She's gonna quit smoking pot, all the meaningless drama when she's upset for a reason I'm not a part of... recently she sold a gold neckless I bought her for Christmas at a pawn shop..
All the signs show I should ditch her.. I know.. but I love her a lot, I love spending time with her and her children(which love me by the way), I like to see their smiley faces, I don't wanna just leave her raise those 2 kids by herself.. I can see how much She's struggling..
And yet I feel I'm not getting the treatment I deserve for being so good and helpful.

So what should I do?

Sounds like you need some testicular fortitude.

Lying to you all the time? Drama with her pothead friends (so she hangs around losers)?
You're giving her all this money, over 2k in euros.

Dude, get out. I would say "Thanks for the memories, but we aren't on the same page here, best wishes."

Sometimes you need to leave behind people even if you enjoy being with them when you know your values don't align and they don't respect you. Think about things long-term, if you think of it like that, you're just wasting your time and delaying any possibility of you actually finding someone great.

You're being a pushover. Where are your boundaries? Your self respect?
Don't you think that you matter too? Stop always putting yourself last.

"recently she sold a gold neckless I bought her for Christmas at a pawn shop.."
Does this really sound like a person that cares about you? Be honest.
You made this topic because you already had these hidden suspicions. Trust your gut here.

Seriously, how can you have a fun and effortless relationship with someone like This?

This post was edited by GLYC123 on May 27 2018 02:47pm

Vouch, she's playing you like a fiddle. She doesnt care about you, just that you give her resources.

You don't want the mother of your children to behave like that. There are much better women out there

your being used drop this broad

Thank you for your answers guys. I really appreciate you taking off you time to help me out.
I know I'm being a pushover here, but I'm ready to put up with this for the moment.
She's at a very fragile spot in her life - recently divorced, with 2 kids and her parents left her to go to another country...
I also feel bad that I gave her hopes and we talked about living together, having a child... i don't want to abandon her now, but I do want to show her she can't go on like this.
Last night I told her over the phone that I need some time to reevaluate our relationship. She was looking pretty bad and I was so sorry I've said that.. She told me she wont call me before I figure it out.
Bottom line is I don't feel she's so bad person, she just a little lost at the moment.

You are being manipulated. Sounds like you’re a decent, caring person and she knows it. You frequently reference her being in a bad place. Why is this your problem? What about the bad spot you’re being put in. I gotta presume you’re getting g something out of this or you wouldn’t keep doing it. I’m not saying this to be rude, I’m just giving you my opinion: you’re being used, you’re being manipulated, you already seem to know this, makes me question how you feel about yourself. Good luck.

I don't mind being used for a couple of months until she's back on her feet.
I care about her being in a bad spot, because I really like this girl and I feel sorry she had to go trough all the bad moments in her life. I want to give her something different, but she keeps pushing me away with all the lies.. I'll give myself a few more days to think... we'll see how it goes..

nothings gonna change man. We’re creatures of habit. It seems like you’re the one doing all the “work” in the relationship and getting nothing in return.

I agree with this statement. Relationships require effort from both parties, and that's clearly not happening here.

In my opinion, you're attached and head over heels for this woman. If you weren't, you wouldn't be talking like this.

This is the reality of the situation.
- People will do more to avoid pain, than they will to seek pleasure.

You realize the situation is bad,but you're making so many excuses and reasonings for yourself to stay.

I say, favorite this thread. Leave this woman, and come back and read this 6 months from now.
You'll probably be like, "What the hell was I thinking?"

Staying won't make it better, because being a pushover is just inviting more destructive behavior from her.
You get what you negotiate for in life, not just for being a good guy. Unfortunately.

You teach others how to treat you.
This is why "nice" guys fail, not because they're nice people (being nice isnt the problem), but because they lack boundaries. Later on down the road, the woman leaves them anyways and the guy is thinking, "but I gave her everything??"

Let her know that you're not her butler, you're an equal.

Best wishes man,
I wish you the best for you with whatever your decision is.

This post was edited by GLYC123 on May 28 2018 02:52pm