tl;dr: Should non-monogamy (open relationships and polyamory) be included in sexual health education in the public K - 12 system? Poll is just a PaRD survey about infidelity.

While I would hope that we can all agree that sexual health education in American society is abysmal, especially in the public K - 12 system, one aspect of the discussion that never really gets talked about much is non-monogamy. There's debates that rage on about whether contraception, abortion, and LGBTQ+ health should be integrated into sexual health education, but even among the most sexually liberal people, the topic of non-monogamy doesn't usually come up.

American society revolves around monogamy as the acceptable and ideal relationship structure, and this has been reinforced by legal marriage, representations in the media, and what's taught in school. However, several studies have explored the rates of infidelity within the United States, albeit with varying results, but independent of the specific % of people who have either cheated and/or been cheated on, one thing is certain: monogamy ends up not working for a significant % of people throughout their lifetime, and many of these people might be more compatible with an open relationship or a polyamorous relationship if they had the ability to consider and explore these options without social reproach.

In fact, infidelity is so popular that entire websites opened up to cater to those pursuing something outside of a monogamous relationship. Ashley Madison was/is perhaps the most notable example, which boasted 46 million users in 2016.

Anonymous survey studies have varying results, but here are just a few:

A 2011 survey of 1,000 Americans found that:

"Almost one-quarter of men (23.2%) and 19.2% of women indicated that they had "cheated" during their current relationship (i.e., engaged in sexual interactions with someone other than their partner that could jeopardize, or hurt, their relationship)".

Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21667234

Other results include:

"Another study, published in the National Opinion Research Center’s 2013 General Social Survey, found that while the percentage of men who admitted to infidelity has held constant over the last two decades, the percentage of wives who reported having affairs rose almost 40 percent."

Given that infidelity exists at whatever rates that they do, would it not behoove our society to not hold so tightly to monogamy as being the "one true relationship" structure? Would it be beneficial for people to learn about non-monogamy early on, so that they can freely explore their own relationship ideals and have a language to express themselves to a potential partner(s)?

Or, would embracing non-monogamy as equal in value to monogamy just degrade relationships as a whole and lead to moral decay?

This post was edited by Handcuffs on Apr 18 2018 06:06pm

I have been cheated on. Once.
I would never cheat on anyone. I've never experienced anything quite like the feeling of being cheated on by someone I loved and I wouldn't ever do that to someone I was with. If it got to that I'd break up with them before sleeping with anyone else.

I wouldn't say that non-monogamy needs to be the 'one true relationship' but for me, after experimenting with open and polyamorous relationships I'd have to say it's the only kind of relationship I'd want to be in. As long as it is clear from the start and both parties agree to it then whatever anyone is comfortable with is their business though imo.

I think that people would probably learn the value of monogamy from a world in which poly and open were commonplace. I know I did.

This post was edited by Scaly on Apr 18 2018 06:09pm

Never / never.

Conservative in my seed spreading days. 10 blissful years with Mrs thesnipa.


I do not believe in nonmonogamy for 2 reasons. Both essentially the same. Increased exposure to diseases and pregnancies. And increased exposure to "the feels". Rather than a 2 faceted will they want a relationship game it becomes 3 4 or 5+. Its unsustainable for individuals but as a long term revolving pool for noncommittal types I suppose

That is to say in my experience for straight Americans. No comment on lgbtq or foreigners.

This post was edited by thesnipa on Apr 18 2018 06:16pm

Congrats.

I hope Me and my gf make it as long as that. All my relationships have ended around the 2 -2 1/2 year mark. I have to admit to having developed something of a complex about it. So much so that now me and my current gf are reaching that point I'm genuinely worried. When I fall in love I fall hard... and I do poorly when it ends.

Sorry you've been cheated on, friendo.

I too think that people, especially if they're monogamous, would have a great deal to learn about monogamy and about themselves in a world in which open relationships and polyamory are commonplace. As of right now, we don't really talk about relationship styles in public sexual education or in society in general. Instead, monogamy is just this unspoken default, and so people rarely have the opportunity, education, and language needed to properly explore their own ideals.



That's a lot of years!

This post was edited by Handcuffs on Apr 18 2018 06:15pm

I'll have to try and find the studies for it, but don't fret about it being specific to you!

I recall learning that researchers have found that, for some unknown reason(s), the 2 year mark for long-term relationships tends to be a "wall" or "hurdle" in human relationships. It's kind of intriguing, really.

Cheated and been cheated on, monogamy is hard and long relationships take a lot of work.
Have been with my current partner for 14 years and have not cheated on her in 10, so thats a decent effort.

This post was edited by Plaguefear on Apr 18 2018 06:24pm

I've never cheated or been cheated on, but I have been in a sort of open relationship. Basically we were very open about our fantasies with each other, and she had one that involved her having sex under certain conditions I couldn't be involved in, and I let her experience it. She would have done the same for me (in fact shortly after she tried to push me to it, out of some sort of guilt of not being even), but I've always been very monogamous, so I didn't do it. Just felt no interest.

I'm not the jealous type, and neither is she... as long as there is trust, communication and consent, I think it's fine. If she had hidden that fantasy and decided to have that experience behind my back, then that would be cheating, it would have hurt, and I'd have immediately ended the relationship.

This post was edited by zarkadon on Apr 18 2018 06:40pm

Thx for the insight, sounds like you both made it work in a mature way.

The default configuration is monogamy and fidelity, after that you are free to catch Hiv or resistant Gonorrhea if you want, but do not encourage children to go in that way....

This post was edited by Saucisson6000 on Apr 18 2018 07:01pm