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Oct 8 2017 02:15am
Long story.
I met this girl at work that was already in a long term relationship. She told me he was abusive emotionally and physically and we got closer over the months, we then started seeing each other and it obviously gets really complicated. To make a long story shorter, her ex or current at the time boyfriend found out and turned out to be something else. The guy had himself assaulted several times and told the police it was me which caused detectives to show up at my work, he paid a woman to go to their house and say I wanted her to hurt them, but the girl was "trying to do the right thing and let them know what I was doing". He then had my gf assaulted, she called the police and they blew it off because of no witnesses. After that he had himself assaulted more times( by assaulted I mean jumped by several people.). Later the guy had his own daughter attacked to make it seem less like him... somewhere in there he set my old car on fire, slashed his own tire and very recently caught her apartment on fire some how.. oh and In the end he had 3 guys jump me. I know, why stay with this girl? I care about her a lot and she didn't ask for this.. BUT, I recently broke it off because I'm worried for my family. The police seem to not care or believe he is doing this..

So two things:
How can I help her? He is trying to take full custody of their kid, and she thinks he can get it. She is afraid if he is capable of these things that he will hurt their son.. it really seems as if she wants to end her life.

Also, how can someone get away with this? Not having much money, how do we end his madness?
He is the most manipulative son of a bitch I've ever met. Anyone will believe him.

I'll add more if I think of anything else. It's really insane.. I know some may say I deserve it, but does she? And does anyone really deserve physical or emotional abuse?
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Oct 8 2017 03:59am
sounds like a Hollywood script.....i'm betting it ends with explosions and you slumped and bleeding next to a crashed car as the sun is just about to rise on a brand new day.
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Oct 8 2017 07:02am
there is only one way to handle this legally and that's by playing the legal game through the system

it's isn't fair, it's expensive, it's a shitty ineffective system but it's the only legal way

everyone on your side has to remain calm and rational

you need a lawyer and you need the police reports and you have to go through the slow painful legal process but in the end the truth does tend to win out if you stick to it

money or not her only option is a decent lawyer

get her to a safe place and use technology to capture any bullshit he tries at her residence

use mediators and keep witnesses around at all times in public places for any interactions

if the police aren't handling this you take it to their superiors and if nobody handles it you go public and shame them

if they can harass kids for weed and minor traffic violations they can do what they should be actually focused on which is violence and abuse

if you have any evidence of anything have people get restraining orders, they don't protect you physically but they come in handy legally

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Oct 8 2017 01:00pm
I've been trying to get her To keep a voice recorder or some kind of camera on her, but she's just so emotionally drained from everything and just won't try. How do you help someone who has just given up? He says plenty that would throw him under the bus in person, but she isn't trying hard enough.. I understand being afraid of the guy, but she won't feel safe unless he's in prison. And even then he seems to have connections. As far as legal, we have gone to detectives and the police and they just keep saying there is no proof. If they would just get a search warrant and look into his phone and laptop they would have it. He knows to delete everything, but I'm sure they could find a way to find something.
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Oct 8 2017 01:07pm
Quote (Trevor121090 @ Oct 8 2017 12:00pm)
I've been trying to get her To keep a voice recorder or some kind of camera on her, but she's just so emotionally drained from everything and just won't try. How do you help someone who has just given up? He says plenty that would throw him under the bus in person, but she isn't trying hard enough.. I understand being afraid of the guy, but she won't feel safe unless he's in prison. And even then he seems to have connections. As far as legal, we have gone to detectives and the police and they just keep saying there is no proof. If they would just get a search warrant and look into his phone and laptop they would have it. He knows to delete everything, but I'm sure they could find a way to find something.


get a restraining order that only allows him to contact her based on the kid

always have witnesses for interactions

go to court when he breaks the restraining order

It's not fair but excuses don't solve the situation you have to play the legal game to handle this legally
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Oct 9 2017 02:44am
Quote (Trevor121090 @ Oct 8 2017 02:00pm)
I've been trying to get her To keep a voice recorder or some kind of camera on her, but she's just so emotionally drained from everything and just won't try. How do you help someone who has just given up? He says plenty that would throw him under the bus in person, but she isn't trying hard enough.. I understand being afraid of the guy, but she won't feel safe unless he's in prison. And even then he seems to have connections. As far as legal, we have gone to detectives and the police and they just keep saying there is no proof. If they would just get a search warrant and look into his phone and laptop they would have it. He knows to delete everything, but I'm sure they could find a way to find something.



You have to be careful with a voice recorder
Certain states example. Where I'm at. You cannot use a voice recorder with out letting them know you are recording them.
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Oct 9 2017 05:31am
Take justice into your own hands
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Oct 9 2017 08:50am
Quote (Happypuppy @ Oct 9 2017 05:31am)
Take justice into your own hands



Oh how I wish.
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Oct 9 2017 08:52am
Quote (Beowulf @ Oct 8 2017 01:07pm)
get a restraining order that only allows him to contact her based on the kid

always have witnesses for interactions

go to court when he breaks the restraining order

It's not fair but excuses don't solve the situation you have to play the legal game to handle this legally



The specific restraining order is a good idea. It'll help in the talking aspect, but as of right now he is keeping the kid 100% and she is going over to his house to see him almost every day. She's not perfect, so she worries she won't win custody.
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Oct 9 2017 10:33am
Just stop caring about her.
She left the father, she'll leave you.
Love doesn't exist it's just an idea like unicorns.
Learn that now and have a life.

Also, the story of yours is complete bullshit.
Just ditch her.
It's all she'd do to you.

This post was edited by fersuremb on Oct 9 2017 10:36am
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