She frequently went from we should split to nevermind we're in love.. overtime she became more toxic until I was homeless and she held some of my stuff hostage. All of that In that moment was too much emotional rage for me so I cut her off and told her not to try to be friends or anything in the future etc. In that moment I believed I was the only one in love with her and she wasn't. Now I fucking regret it so much because of thoughts coming in wondering if she actually did still love me and I just didn't listen. At the same time she because mentally abusive and manipulative as all hell and I know I don't need that, though I believe people can change and better themselves.. but I don't like having so many multiple partners - every fuckup mistake relationship I have makes me feel like less of a person.
I've never been homeless before and I'm figuring it out but it's so dumb that I'm stressing more over this breakup than my fucking living situation. I just want to turn my emotions off; my brain knows all the right things as to what I should be thinking, but thoughts of her won't go away.