Quote (ttdskann @ 3 Oct 2016 14:16)
Awesome post, I feel like you motivate people more often than not. I understand where you're coming from, and my embarrassment of the gym is my biggest fear in tackling this challenge. I have a lack of free-weight experience, and I feel like people watch me, even though they probably aren't.
My heart is telling me to eat pizza...
My epiphany occurred when I realized that my XL dress shirt for work no longer fits me...I popped a button...I need to harness this frustration and cough up the cash to get my Y membership.
ty for the compliment
I understand your feeling of embarassment. I don't want it to seem worse, but there will be lurkers. But you're probably vastly overestimating how many people give any notice about how you look, or whether they notice for more than a moment and make any stupid, smug judgments they want to make. You can start doing some things for practice at home, with whatever you have. It's worth investing in some fitness equipment because it's an investment in your health, your sanity, and your general well-being. YOU are the most valuable thing in your world, so you are worth investing in.
The greatest tip I can give anyone in this messed up world is to avoid giving any inkling of a shit about what other people think of you. Most people fear one or both of these things, and I guarantee they will hit home for you:
1. not being good enough/not being worthy
2. not belonging/being loved
Both of our greatest human fears are about other people.
OR ARE THEY? This is one of the most important questions a person can ever ask himself/herself, but which most folks don't even think to ask. Our entire lives are a constant acceptance of abuse from everything that is not us. If you're gay, fat, black, female, whatever, someone is going to judge you. Someone will tell you you're not good enough. White, 6'5, ripped, giant dick? There will still be haters, and you will still feel their wrath. We punish ourselves way, way too much.
When you enter the contract with yourself that you're not good enough, that you're too fat, that people will shame you or judge you, you're punishing yourself for a crime you never committed. Your body is your responsibility, so you should want to be healthy and strong, but you can always take charge of this. Don't put yourself down if you feel you've been lazy, dumb, inexperienced, or whatever the hell your demons have been telling you. Fuck that shit!
My 2nd favourite person in my favourite gym is a girl who weighs over 300 pounds and has a crazy lazy eye. But she is working on herself every day and she is starting to get results. She is my favourite person specifically because on day 1 she came up to me, introduced herself, talked about some of her issues, and said that she admired me and wanted to get in shape. She wasn't looking for a trainer (gf'd Rew) so I told her that from now on, she was my hero and she should be her own hero for being brave and working for what she wants. She is scared about how people will perceive her, but she is willing to face her fears upfront. I'm not saying that yoiu should do the same sort of thing, but I am saying that how you feel is almost a universe experience. If you don't know how to do something at the gym, just ask someone. Maybe you'll meet a new friend. Watch vids on youtube and practice at home, but don't use that as a way to stay away from the gym longer!
I want to give you four specific suggestions.
1. Make up some mantras. Say them every day in front of a mirror. If they make you cry or laugh or feel like an idiot (they don't need to do any of this), that's the RIGHT wavelength. They should take 5-10 minutes, not 5-10 seconds, because you should be repeating them. later, you can reduce how long they take, because they will be internalized. Try to smile, even if you're fighting tears. The message must be clear. You need to tell yourself that you're smart, capable, loveable, sexy, strong, self-reliant, valuable, creative, and/or whatever the heck else you need to say to push back against all the bullshit that has made you fat, afraid, and miserable. We learn that we suck all our lives. We need to have some way to look at ourselves and find our truth. You can tell yourself that you're sexy even if you don't think so, because your mantras are about your true self, the self you are becoming. Your false self is the self that ate it's way to guilt and self-loathing. Your aim is literally to kill that fucker (no offense, I see you as a brother) and replace him with you 2.0. Mantras help you get there. Stick to them.
2. Learn. Learn like hell about health and fitness. It's a cesspool of terrible information, but over time you will start to understand what is true and what is bullshit. If you see some fool bench pressing on a box that itself is on an exercise ball which is itself supported by a bosu ball, you will know.
3. I could recommend hundreds of techniques and books. Consider starting with
The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. It's on Audible btw. I think this book is a great point to drive home some of the stuff I was saying about personal growth and freedom.
4. Use the shirt. I mean that you can and should find a way to use it as motivation. You could frame it, you could burn it, you could rip off part of it and bring it to the gym with you as an equipment wipe (I like that idea), or whatever. remember how you felt about the button breaking. Do not punish yourself but use this as a point to bring you back to your motivation. When I was in high school (gr 9) I got a crap grade on a unit test in science. I hadn't been paying attention, I had missed a bunch of days during the unit, and I didn't prepare for the test. So I took a desk, put it against (facing) a wall in my house and wrote on it in bold red caps "NEVER AGAIN!:". It sounds like punishment but it was more about getting the spark to do some work. I got 100% on the next few tests. When we do stuff like this, we need to think of ourselves as anchoring an experience but not punishing ourselves. We must always raise our standards without self-hating. It's a fine line, which is why I'm struggling to explain it. But there's a difference and it's mostly a difference you feel. On the desk I'm using right now, by contrast, I wrote "I THINK I CAN!" in bold blue letters. That was about a need for change in my own attitude. Same idea, this time it's a "positive" anchoring.
The point of anchoring, as a technique, is not to flood yourself or to dwell on something, but to give yourself a finite measuring point against which you can measure your growth and development later on.I hope that helps you and anyone else who needs it.