Quote (bitg_pj @ Sep 19 2016 08:03pm)
I have a person in my life who is morbidly obese .
To be frank i dont care what you think about the situation ... and i am willing to do whatever it takes to make them see that this person is eating themselves to death.
I dont even care if it causes this that person to think im a piece of shit and never talk to me again if it saves their life... its a worthwhile sacrifice .
Don't act like you're being selfless by being cruel to somebody. Put it this way, if you shame them, and make them more ashamed of their own self than they are, they are going to eat to comfort their own self. Eating, fighting, fucking, all that stuff is very emotional, and excesses of those behaviors typically indicate a failure to regulate emotion. The beginnings can be blamed on socialization and cultural things, like eating cheese curds and ham you call bacon. But it is a mechanism for self-defense. He has a relationship with food, an old friend.
I'm sorry I was mean to you. I'm used to Duffman with his shaming which isn't from concern on any level.
Here is the WebMD list of things to do to encourage a friend to lose weight:
http://www.webmd.com/diet/obesity/features/10-ways-to-help-a-loved-one-lose-weight#1There is theme to this, and it is Aspiration rather than Desperation. People don't respond to desperation, because it makes whatever problems they're facing seem worse.
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1. Be a cheerleader, not a coach. "You don't want to find faults with what the dieter is doing," says Wolfe-Radbill. "Instead, you want to encourage and cheer on the things they are doing right." That means applauding them for reaching goals, or even for trying. And don't dwell on goals they haven't met, particularly if they don't bring them up.
2. Become an active part of their program. "Volunteer to eat some of their diet foods with them, or at least taste the dishes they prepare," says Waugh. "If they are joining a gym and you can afford a membership, join it as well. Be an active participant in their healthy behaviors."
3. Help develop healthy incentives. If the dieter has met a goal for the week or month, Waugh advises, plan a celebratory activity that doesn't focus on food. "Do something that reinforces spending time together, and create healthy activities that can further encourage their goals," she says.
4. Show them you care about the person, not the diet. "The idea here is to pull up real close to them, but not about the issue of dieting," says Baard. "Let them see you care about them overall, and not just about their weight problems." The key, he says, is to let them know they can count on your caring and your participation in their life -- no matter what their size.
5. When they've had a bad day, listen but don't judge. "Ask them about their progress, and be there to listen if they have faltered," says Waugh. "If you know that the dieter usually turns to food when things go wrong, get them to turn to you instead so they can talk it out, and not eat it out, of their system."
6. Be "aggressively supportive." "And by this, I mean don't wait for the dieter to come after you for support," Baard says. "Let them know that you are there, and wanting to help." If the dieter is a friend or relative you don't see every day, call or email frequently to let them know you're thinking about them -- not their weight. "Ask how they are, how the job is going, how their life is going," says Baard. "You don't have to mention dieting or food, just be assertively there for them."
7. Find non-food ways to celebrate the small goals along the way. Be creative in finding ways to celebrate the dieter's successes. Bring them flowers, pay for a manicure, treat them to a golf game, movie, or sporting event -- just don't focus the celebration on eating, Waugh says.
8. Encourage a healthy lifestyle, not just weight loss. "By encouragement, I mean participation," says Waugh. "Don't just tell someone they need to walk more, offer to walk with them …. The point here is to encourage a healthy lifestyle overall by making it a part of the time you spend together."
9. Learn about their weight loss program. Make an effort to learn as much about their diet plan as you can -- the kinds of foods they're eating, how the plan works, and what it involves, such as attending meetings or participating in online support groups. Then, respect the time they want to devote to these activities -- and don't nag if that means spending a little less time with you, Wolfe-Radbill says. "If you learn about their diet plan you won't have to ask them as many questions, and more of their behaviors and choices may make more sense," she says.
10. Be positive! This is the most important tip of all. When you're fighting a battle, says Wolfe-Radbill, nothing beats the feeling of knowing there's someone who believes in your ability to win. "If the dieter stumbles, and feels bad about themselves, remind them of their other accomplishments and encourage them to move forward -- and whatever you do, don't throw in the towel with them, no matter how discouraged they may sound," she says.
What Not to Do
While it's vital for family and friends to concentrate on the positive things that can help a dieter, it's also important to check some negative habits at the door. Our experts offer this checklist of what not to do when someone you love is on a diet:
1. Don't tempt them. Respect the dieter's food choices, and don't tempt them with a "bite" or a "nibble." " Not only can this take the dieter off track, at the end of the week, bites and nibbles add up and can sabotage a weight loss plan," says Wolfe-Radbill.
2. Don't become the "food police." "You can ask someone if they'd like you to play that role, but I can almost guarantee they won't," says Waugh. As such, don't take on the role of reciting out loud everything a person eats, or locking away food you think they shouldn't have, or reprimanding them for eating the "wrong" thing.
3. Don't say anything to the dieter you wouldn't want said to you. While you may not be struggling with a weight problem yourself, Wolfe-Radbill says, think of a challenge you're trying to overcome, then think about how you'd feel if someone was "in your face" about it.
4. Don't use judgmental language. "Avoid phrases such as 'Did you stick to the plan today?' Or 'You should have been more careful,' or 'Why did you eat that?' You are not the umpire of their life, so remember it's not your role to criticize or judge," says Baard.
5. Don't overdo -- anything! "Don't bombard the dieter with weight loss books and articles, subscriptions to fitness magazines, or low-calorie cookbooks unless they say that's what they want," says Wolfe-Radbill. She reminds us that even when that kind of behavior is invited, it's easy to overdo it and come off as rude: "Keep a lid on the helpfulness, and when in doubt, think under-do, not overkill!
It is okay to voice your concern. It is not okay to disrespect your friend and basically be so mean to him he wouldn't want to be your friend anymore over how he chooses to live his life. He is an autonomous moral agent and so are you. His life is his and your life is yours. Friends aren't a buffet of compartmentalized traits, you don't pick and choose, you either say yes or no.
Be encouraging. Put emphasis on it not being that hard to do, just incremental steps and not try to do too much at once. Steady wins the race. He could drop 50 lb with a crash and burn diet over two months but that isn't sustainable...people addicted to food can't just go from complete excess to starvation to a point of burning body fat away overnight. It is better to lose 150 lb over two years with gradual and sustainable habits.
The first step would be him admitting it is a problem. I wouldn't recommend you approach him with this, maybe somebody with a more gentle touch, to talk to him. It will be a hard conversation if he hasn't approached it before.