I can't sleep. There was a big spider in my room a few hours ago; so I tried to kill it, but the fucker escaped. I then saw it in my closet close to the time when I wanted to go to sleep, and I sprayed it with hairspray. It fell in my closet somewhere, and now I can't find the spider anywhere. I took everything out of my closet, and I still can't find it. All my books and random things that were in my closet are all over my room now. I'm in bed with a blanket over my body so that he won't get his revenge on me.

It's clear that karma to some degree has followed me at this point in time. I should have been in bed hours ago. I have college work to do tomorrow. I hope this week doesn't turn to shit, though it seemingly has already done so.










My ex disgusts me. He ignores me for no reason. I forgive him for what he's done, but I do not equate forgiveness to condoning his behavior. It was not okay. I'm not okay. But for myself, I will forgive him so that I don't bother living in that pain. I've had enough. I'd like a new guy, but I don't know. It's beyond the realm of possibility. I'd rather just focus on school. I guess I'll be okay with just me for a while. I need to change that; sometimes it's good to challenge an initial thought to something. Thinking outside of the box and not living shackled to... okay. Wow. I'm done.

I want to add a new reply to my blog. The title is misleading my current feelings, though! "Bull" (Short for the expletive, bullshit.) Honestly, I almost deleted the first two sentences, because I realized that everything that I write here is still bullshit. It's still crap. I mean, really?

Anyway, I don't have any particular feelings other than I'm anticipating what my teacher says to my latest submissions. I think I just passed out of a course after just three weeks. I've been working hard, and I hope that it all pays off.

My ex still isn't speaking to me. I guess he doesn't like me. I guess I don't really care anymore. Well, of course, I do care... It's just -- well, I don't know. I'm going to try to move on from him. Anyway, that's that. Just updating about school, really. I'm excited to know if I passed out of that class after my latest submissions. If they are passes, and I estimate that they are, I will move on!

BORING UPDATE. I'm actually not going to reply to this unless I feel like blogging. I think my reply here was really spontaneous. To be honest, I know exactly why I am replying to this, but I'm not going to share that reason; it's a silly reason. Oh, the synchronicity of it all. -.-

This post was edited by heyajsp on Sep 19 2016 12:11am

People really cast this illusion that their world is so busy and full of important things that they forget to even connect with anyone else. I don't understand how you can wake up every day, go about what makes you happy, and have no care for anyone else. Is that ethical? Jesus, Joseph, and Mary! I guess this is a rant about how I feel as though I seemingly go out of my way to say hello to others, and I feel like no one else online or in real life cares that much about anyone else. Was the world always like that?

? Yeah, I passed out of my class three weeks in.
? Yeah, my ex still ignores me.
? Yeah, I'm annoyed right now.