hey yall, i had a loving gf but i am afraid i am gonna lose her to one of these guys who are really good at flirting n stuff, im afraid shell fall for em n ill be left with nothing but a socially anxious freak.. any help? i keep dumping her becuase im afraid of the future but i love her so much!

you should communicate with her more. stop holding in your feelings. you shouldn't dump someone because you feel threatened. maybe you are doubting her loyalty and respect for your relationship. its okay to have anxiety but try not be high maintenance about your insecurities. if you just dump her without trying you are quitting while you are already ahead. she likes you she wouldn't be in a relationship with you if there was not something she liked about you.

yes ik she likes me but she is a young a girl n im afraid im just not gonna be good enough, cause i know i could be better but my anxiety holds me back so much.
dont girls want more outgoing confident guys? what if she finds that n leaves me?

Many girls want outgoing & confident guys indeed. The dating scene can be difficult if you have social anxiety.

However, not all girls are like that. Your girlfriend is dating you, and I suspect that she knew what your personality is like from the very start. If she's dating you, it means she doesn't mind the social anxiety.



Stop hating yourself. Stop telling yourself that "anxiety holds you back". How you deal with your anxiety is what matters. If you break up with her because you're afraid of the future, you're only being self-destructive. Stop "dumping her". Start liking yourself, start liking her, and start accepting the fact that she likes you.

Work on your confidence by yourself. "Love yourself before you love anyone else."

You do love yourself, enough anyways to seek a mate to satisfy your desires. You may not love everything about yourself at this exact point in time because of social stimuli and what the world/media/popular kids at school lead you to believe. Condition yourself to not care, not focus on it, let go, enjoy it, be in the moment, stay present, engage, and not worry about others opinions. Your lack of confidence is a direct result of you thinking one look or attitude is better than the other and then comparing yourself to said "ideal" image, or whatever it is you feel insecure about.

You are confident enough to get a girlfriend, an attractive one at that, so you're only worrying yourself more by thinking you're inadequate. Maybe you haven't had sex with her her? If you haven't, once that happens I bet some of your problems are alleviated! Stay focused!

Take some sticky notes and write in a big sharpie or marker in bold letters and stick them to your mirror or wall, wherever you will be forced to look at them every morning when you leave. Write good things, like: "I am strong. I am confident. I am handsome. I am worthy. I am happy! I am joyful! I have great hair! Great smile, handsome! My girl loves me. I love my girl (if you guys are at that point). I know that sounds cheesy, but positive affirmations really do help.

If the mind can conceive, the mind will achieve. If you begin having negative thoughts/patterns, you must release them and replace them with your normal happy ones, or new happy thoughts/images. Do not focus or dwell on the negative. Every day is a new day, another chance to grow, succeed, and achieve the mindset that you desire!

We're all human, all here on this earth together, living in the present, experiencing the same world, same problems, same feelings, and same pressure. Some people learn early on that they have to take control of their mindset and focus on being happy and confident, because let's face it, life can be hard and there are tons of things that can negatively impact your mood! Failing grade on paper, car breaks down, animal/pet dies, family/friend dies. Everything action has a reaction. Feeling the way you feel is completely normal and that's exactly why you have a girlfriend. At some point or another, she has felt the way that you do. You don't even have to explain to her, trust me she knows. Women, by nature, are extremely insecure in this day and age. Pressure to have "on fleek" eyebrows, makeup that looks amazing, a tiny waist with huge boobs and a giant ass, with big plump lips, that, also has to have like 5 different makeup/lip glosses on. So yes, your girlfriend has felt most definitely, undoubtedly not confident at times.

Let yourself be happy and try your hardest to make her happy. I promise you will eventually get out of this rut and realize you have a good girlfriend and are a great boyfriend to her, or any girl out there. Enjoy your youth buddy

sounds like it may be a good decision to leave on a respectful note and just focus on yourself if you are having these issues. otherwise your problems may continue to grow. you have to be whole to have healthy love.

Are your thoughts your own?

I agree with the working on himself part. But it is not his decision to leave. Why should he? He loves the girl. And it is her decision if she loves him back in return and or if she wants to stay.

General but applied, we/I have love and lost in many different ways whether it was by one's own hand to sever or the other person's. We are able to love again.
Why should he? Responsibility? Maturity? One has to be whole to be able to have healthy love. If he has dysfunction with social anxiety/paranoia/trust issues that he has proven to not be able to overcome, it would be the mature and responsible thing to leave to work on oneself instead of creating more damage to himself/his partner. Really have to weigh the pros and cons in any situation though of course but these assessments are based on the face value of the OP.

This post was edited by Darkblue on Mar 10 2016 10:06am

thank you everyone, i love her alot but i think ill just move on an work on myself, because i think working on my anxiety means more to my life