I posted it on facebook first but I figured you guys are worthy of reading some of my works. I added random paragraphs so it's easier to read, I write these like every week so lmk if you want more.
That awkward moment when you're abducted by aliens and taken to mars, claiming to be the first man on the red planet I immediately started searching for the barsoom waters of eternal bonerdom which gives you a raging rock hard cock for the rest of your days. Along my travels I made some friends, one man named Alfie Barker was on a quest to remove his penis and gain a vagina when suddenly the power puff niggas made an appearance once again! I quickly sprung for my sword which was conveniently out of my reach at the time - triple backflip into a forward thrust I cut down my target.
Who was it I slain you may ask, let's just say it was Diablo himself and leave it at that. The barsoomian amazons of mars are hot as fuck, the problem is the gravity on mars is so intense that any boner you get is limpdick useless so begins my quest to get a raging cock hard enough to bone one of these xena wannabes.
From the waters of youth to the chicken dung of clairvoyance I gained many traits but never my boner. I finally realized what needed to be done... I had to destroy the one and only boner god Dicklius maximus eroticum exoticum. Alfie Barker was busy sucking dicks so he did not join me on my journey, but a quest of this magnitude cannot be done a lone. Oh no. I enlisted the help of Kaylana Marie Lamproe otherwise known as french mothafuckin toast.
Thankfully kaykay has the power of the ancients and can read minds "stop thinking about continuing that hole to china in your garage floor Nick, it's never going to happen" she said with a disgruntled face. "Fuck you french toast! I am going to be the pirate king of the universium multivericus!" French toast instantaneously transformed into a super saiyan 5 and brutally raped me with Fletcher Tarantino 's 2 foot black dildo specially customized for him and him alone.
As my anus lay gaping I sought psychological help, I turned to none other than Michael Lovejoy but he was too busy pretending he had a girlfriend and a job so I discarded him like a non holographic 2nd edition Charizard. I had one final stop to make, my last hope, obi wan slapchopobi (You're gonna LOVE his nuts) was a superficial anticlimactic generic lich king wannabe but he held the sword of a thousand dildos which could penetrate its enemies from thousands of yards away.
Unfortunately upon our first meeting I was brutally raped by the sword as he was not aware I was an ally. Oddly enough he masturbated through the entire process but I can only assume it was due to rock hard fear. As I and the lich queen entered the portal to darnassus we were forced to trek through the jungles of maguuma which were littered spiderians, a race of spiders covered in vagina that entice you to fuck them then bite your penis off.
Not to be confused with spiderients which are spiders covered in dicks enticing woman to get penetrated in their vaginas or brutally ass raped whatever tickles your g-spot. The powerpuff niggas made their second appearance as I was finishing my urination segment in a story I was writing about a bored faggot with nothing else better to do when suddenly I was attacked and once again brutally ass raped by the powerpuff niggas.
I knew what I had to do. "These silly antics have gone on long enough" our hero said to himself as he prepared himself for his final form. Powering up required taking all of the energy of the Earth and the moon and the underworld. Inadvertently I became the strongest being in the universe but destroyed all that I loved in the process. For eons I searched for life on other planets, I would made with random creatures and gain knowledge of new sexually transmitted diseases, I would train under the most intense gravity and soon I was able to gain a boner against all odds.
Now I know what you're thinking, this story ends with our hero gaining a boner but no one to make love to. That's where you're wrong.... ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF DRAGON BALL Z. Oh you thought I was ending it there, didn't you? What a presumptuous little bitch you are. Allow me to tell you the story of Behemoth the Mighty otherwise known as Michael Lovejoy.
The portal required a test of resilience and perseverance which I simply did not have the power to endure. 6 dicks in the ass, 2 dicks in the ear and 5 dicks in the mouth. Michael was more than happy to comply for completion of this quest but he was too busy changing the graphics for the latest released RPG instead of playing it and instantly died to a heart attack thereafter.
I was forced to call upon Ashlie Gosenberg to cast a level 9 eroticism spell on the evil gnomes who guard the chest of niggerdom of which lil wayne had sprouted, as she distracted the evil gnomes whilst getting brutally gang banged by thousands of midgets I collected my rewards and instantly betrayed my comrades for the sake of glory. I still regret it to this day. The moral of this story is stick by your friends, they are most likely willing to get brutally gang raped, have dicks thrust up their anuses, and generally have all of their orifices filled with dicks in order to keep you safe. Keep that in mind next time you're out on a night of the town and sipping your kool-aid flavored cock juice because you never know when the powerpuff niggas might strike again.
edit: I obviously incorporate fb friends into my stories so if you wanna be in one I can make it happen! most of the people I put in I know IRL so they don't get butthurt but it's funny to be in a story xD
This post was edited by Scottismyboyfriend on Apr 24 2015 08:49am