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Dec 15 2014 03:11pm
Is it wrong to say something blatantly untrue to make someone feel better about mortality? It has become a trend with police (the ones who have to inform the families of the deceased) to say things like "he died instantly, no suffering" or "he's in a better place" (from an atheist), is this acceptable behavior? Do you think it is more a matter of "helping the grieving" or "make breaking the news a little bit easier on their self". I have recently been in a situation where i was having a discussion with a terminally ill cancer patient, and i kept having urges to say things that i would not say in any other situation just to ease the tension of silence, is this just a human response, is it empathetic discomfort, or is it merely my attempt to "dodge" the admission that i simply do not know if things will be ok and cannot offer the condolence i wish i were capable of offering.
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Dec 15 2014 03:26pm
really???

Your making a big deal out of nothing, sure you can question it, but the intention is clear, its just a human response.
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Dec 15 2014 03:32pm
Quote (dude_927 @ 15 Dec 2014 16:11)
Is it wrong to say something blatantly untrue to make someone feel better about mortality? It has become a trend with police (the ones who have to inform the families of the deceased) to say things like "he died instantly, no suffering" or "he's in a better place" (from an atheist), is this acceptable behavior? Do you think it is more a matter of "helping the grieving" or "make breaking the news a little bit easier on their self". I have recently been in a situation where i was having a discussion with a terminally ill cancer patient, and i kept having urges to say things that i would not say in any other situation just to ease the tension of silence, is this just a human response, is it empathetic discomfort, or is it merely my attempt to "dodge" the admission that i simply do not know if things will be ok and cannot offer the condolence i wish i were capable of offering.



If this is a family member or an old friend, for one they know all about their sickness. They've talked about it hundreds of times, try talking about some good old memories, like a family get together or even stories about mutual friends or other family members. Chances are they've been in bed for a while by this point, and hearing about things outside the four walls that they have been looking at is always a welcome thing. I've found that visits with dying friends and members of my church the best thing I could do was of course talk about their illness if they want to and if they bring it up. Try hard not to be uncomfortable talking about it, because they may really need to talk. And don't sugarcoat things don't lie and say "oh you aren't that bad" they know exactly how bad they are. But if they didn't talk about being sick and dying, then I would keep the talk as bright and cheerful as I could, if I didn't know them very well I would try to draw stories out of them from happy memories in their past. Really anything to make them happy for a while I think is the nice thing to do.
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Dec 15 2014 03:48pm
Quote (haloneya @ Dec 15 2014 04:26pm)
really???

Your making a big deal out of nothing, sure you can question it, but the intention is clear, its just a human response.


ok, apparently a "big deal" to you is posting a thread on a website nobody visits... got it
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Dec 15 2014 03:50pm
I imagine in those last moments, the suffering part is the last thing anyone is thinking about.

The pain comes when the adrenaline wears off, amirite?
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Dec 15 2014 03:56pm
Quote (Valhalls_Sun @ Dec 15 2014 04:32pm)
If this is a family member or an old friend, for one they know all about their sickness. They've talked about it hundreds of times, try talking about some good old memories, like a family get together or even stories about mutual friends or other family members. Chances are they've been in bed for a while by this point, and hearing about things outside the four walls that they have been looking at is always a welcome thing. I've found that visits with dying friends and members of my church the best thing I could do was of course talk about their illness ifthey want to andifthey bring it up. Try hard not to be uncomfortable talking about it, because they may really need to talk. And don't sugarcoat things don't lie and say "oh you aren't that bad" they know exactly how bad they are. But if they didn't talk about being sick and dying, then I would keep the talk as bright and cheerful as I could, if I didn't know them very well I would try to draw stories out of them from happy memories in their past. Really anything to make them happy for a while I think is the nice thing to do.


It is my grandfather and he is still surprisingly active (heck i bet he can still whoop my ass if he wanted too), i don't really care to get into details on this forum. My concern is that i am the one in my family who would normally say the most shocking thing i can think of to get a reaction (yes, it's probably attention, moving on) and i'm pretty sure it is blatantly obvious to everyone involved that i am purposely reserving comments, i'm not really asking for help or advice (although i wouldn't turn it away), just thoughts, i find getting told "stfu noob i banged your mom" is helpful apparently (not accusing you of that obviously)
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Dec 15 2014 03:58pm
Quote (IceMage @ Dec 15 2014 04:50pm)
I imagine in those last moments, the suffering part is the last thing anyone is thinking about.

The pain comes when the adrenaline wears off, amirite?


I imagine it depends how they died. I'm sure there are modes of dying in which the person wants nothing more than death, and fast.
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Dec 15 2014 04:09pm
Quote (Voyaging @ 15 Dec 2014 16:58)
I imagine it depends how they died. I'm sure there are modes of dying in which the person wants nothing more than death, and fast.



yeah working as a emt with the fire dept. I was on we covered a 15ish mile stretch of I39 in Illinois it included 2 on and off ramps and we saw too many bad wrecks death when it comes like that sometimes is merciful.
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Dec 15 2014 04:17pm
you didn't happen to see the end of horrible bosses 2 by any chance did you
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Dec 15 2014 04:20pm
Quote (duffman316 @ Dec 15 2014 05:17pm)
you didn't happen to see the end of horrible bosses 2 by any chance did you


i saw number 1, didn't even know there was a 2, please don't whoop out movie quotes though, this thread was a bad idea lol
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