So as my time in the US Army comes to an end. I just wanted to make note of some of the things I've learned and some personal experiences that I either find hilarious, awesome, or insightful.

I've spent the last few years of my life in the army, training, drinking, and having copious amounts of sex with random women from all walks of life. Some have been hott, some have been butt ass ugly. Some going places with their lives, some stuck in a perpetual shit loop, never to escape. Even one sergeant major in my current units daughter. (But he'll never know B)). My time in the army had taught me many things about life, and people and this and that. This will probably be long, as it'll take me a couple days to work on it and as much as I'll try to stay chronological, it'll probably jump all around.

As a precursor to this story - I'll give a back ground on who I was before I joined. I joined shortly after highschool, I was a starting varsity football player, state champion weight lifter, and dated the girl everyone wanted in highschool. I drank, smoked a lot of pot, and typically stayed away from hardcore drugs. Shrooms and molly on special occasions, but for the most part I was a good kid. Made decent games, seem to elude police whenever I was doing risky business and never got in trouble. I was an athlete with decent grades whom my teachers respected, because contrary to popular belief, if you treat your teachers good, they did in return, treat you good. Before any of that - I've been a gamer, first and foremost. Gaming has always been a deep passion of mine and there will never be anything to take that place. (My mom's best friend had 2 older sons that introduced me to diablo 1 at the age of 8 or 9ish, and it all started from there). I've played diablo 2 actively (with a few hiatuses, thanks to scams and bans) since release and I've mained *sank and char name sank since I've had this jsp account.
I'm a bigger guy, not fat by any means, but not a 6 pack abs kinda guy, but I've always carried my self in a way that displayed the utmost confidence. That being said - you don't need to be an abercrombie model to fuck, date, marry hot chicks, or be a special operator in the military, because I did both, while being a lazy piece of shit who ate taco bell and played video games all the time. The determining factor is I was willing to push my self in areas I wanted to exceed in, and with a strong intestinal fortitude, I accomplished all my goals. Hopefully that's a back drop on who I am enough to follow this story and take from it what you can.

I joined the army on an 11x option 40 contract. which is airborne ranger infantry. You get a guarantee of infantry and airborne school, and a slot to rasp (ranger assessment and election process). You aren't guaranteed to make it through rasp and onto the 75th ranger regiment, but you get a shot. I went through basic and infantry training in the winter through the spring, and it fucking sucked. It was freezing, most people were dicks because they thought they had something to prove, and the food sucked ass. It wasn't my #7 from taco bell with Baja blast mountain dew anymore. But, its what I wanted, so I never gave up. I was engaged to the girl I dated in highschool, so her letters were basically the only thing keeping me going as I transitioned from drinking, doing drugs, eating like a bastard, and sleeping in everyday. Until one day I got that dreaded break up letter about 2 and a half weeks into basic. "Blah blah I want to live my life while I'm young. Its not you its me, I'm a stupid bitch". My heart dropped, and I thought, what the fuck am I gonna do now. ***this is right after she broke up with me before, moved from Florida to Arizona, realized she's an idiot, and asked me to move out to phoenix with her. So like the young, dumb and full of cum kid I was, I sold my dirtbike for some quick cash and did just that. Moved out to Tempe, Arizona. Anyways, I went back home to Florida right before leaving for basic and we got engaged. I got that letter, I fell into a depressive state mid basic, got a knee injury (don't buy cold proof under armor shoes. They will fuck up your knees) that kept me from doing much of anything for a few weeks. Anyways, I begged and pleaded with her to no avail. Every 3 weeks we got one 5 minute phone call. The first was her saying no she can't do it. The second was her hanging up on me, and the third I started calling my family because I wasn't gonna waste anymore time. She stopped answering my letters, so I stopped writing. Towards the end of the basic training phase, we got our phones, I texted her not to worry about coming, even though she already bought the ticket, and to my surprise, she instantly texted back saying she wouldn't miss it for the world. We talked on the phone about how I was right, all her guy friends wanted were sex (she said she never slept with any, but now I highly doubt that because she is dumb, and a whore) and how she regrets her decisions, this and that. Next thing you know, were back together. She comes and sees me on my 36 hour pass, a weekend filled with sex later, I'm back on post for my infantry training phase. Everything is great, letters are flowing, besides my knee still bothering the shit out of me, everything seems surreal. We do our 12 mile road march to some gated area, drink some bullshit from a cooler, they say a little speech, and they punch our crossrifles into our chest, and whatdyaknow, I'm an infantryman now. We graduate a week later or so, parents come down, fiance comes down, more sex. Time with family. Now I'm being hauled off to airborne school. Airborne school was my first experience of what people in the army were actually like. Dicks. Total, utter cock suckers. Every one of these dicks had a huge chip on their shoulders and were complete ass clowns. I hated them all, with the few exceptions of friends that I made and people that had ranger contracts with me. There were 13 people in my basic company that had ranger contracts, out of the 13, 3 of us made it. 1 failed his end of rasp pt test, got a retake, and subsequently was sent to regimental head quarters where his ranger career would ultimately die there with no deployments.

I got married right before airborne school, and besides that and jumping out of planes for the first time, nothing too interesting happened. Met some good friends, drank a lot of alcohol and spent ungodly amounts of money at the gaming center to play cod and battlefield during my off time. On to rasp.

Day 1 of rasp may have been one of the worst days I had ever had. I had gotten rid of those piece of shit under armor shoes I had and got some brooks. Which instantly made my knee feel better, but it still hurt like a bitch. We some up at 0430 and the first thing we did was do the 5 mile run. It sucked ass with a hurt left knee, and a swollen right Achilles tendon. Possibly the worst 5 mile run of my entire life. Then the combat swim test and endless pain and suffering via physical punishment all day. Due to opsec, I will leave quite a bit out regarding rasp, but I'll try to say what I can. I made some good friends during rasp, one who eventually died after we got into regiment, one who in rasp, got drunk during a weekend, called a huge group of black guys the n word and got the living shit kicked out of him, and kicked outta rasp for that, and a few others who joined me in regiment. But some good friends and stories none the less. In the first phase of rasp, a ranger rite of passage is a 4 day long field exercise called 'cole range' and will have been the worst time of your life up to then. We did the timed 12 mile ruck march into Cole range, and immediately started getting smoked, doing various stupid little things and land navigation. You get very minimum sleep and short of your little sleep time, you are constantly moving, carrying logs, each other, sandbags, rucks and other bullshit. The dreaded term 'hit the woodline' (a roughly 400 meter run to the far side woods on the other side of the field) was a common occurrence for the smallest of infractions. We had just done about 6 hit the woodlines, carrying logs and each other when we were told to get water. The water buffalo was empty, and of course for something we had utterly 0 control over, were punished for, and had to hit the woodline, again. Cole range is a test of mental and physical abilities and a majority of where people quit rasp. Its a suck fest that many people wanted nothing to do with. We sat down in bleachers at one point for a garmin GPS class and I remember hanging my feet off the side thinking I've never had my feet so hurt and warn out before. It was absolutely silly. About day 2, we were building a sand bag archway to the formation pit and I left my weapon near other weapons to fill up my 2 quart canteen and in that time, everyone formed up for a formation and my weapon was gone. My heart dropped and I made my way to formation, asking people if they picked up an extra weapon. No one did. Of course the cadre had it, and from that point on, I had to carry a fucking log. For hitting the woodline, for landnav, to sleep with, everything. It was complete utter, bullshit and made my already shitty experience even worse. That stupid log caused me so many problems. Since it didn't have a natural pistol grip like our rubber m16s, I had to duck tape another stick onto it to simulate one. Which was a pain in the dick because the tape would always give way because it was constantly raining, paired with the fact that it was a small stick, taped awkwardly at an angle onto a log and if it wasnt on, the cadre would smoke me. The fucking log caused me so many problems during night land nav. You can't see jack shit, and it was raining, and you're in the middle of extremely hilly woods. Naturally with the weight of a log, ruck sack, lack of sleep, practically dead body, paired with darkness, rain and hills, you're going to fall. A lot. I eventually got so fed up with this fucking log that I broke it in half on a tree and picked up a new, considerably smaller stick and told that cadre that the log had broken my fall off q small cliff side and broke. They weren't happy, but they had to accept it. Anyways, blah blah advance rifle, pistrol, driving and explosive breaching training later, I'm donning the tan beret, the hallmark of the army ranger and putting my ranger scroll on my left sleeve. Side note - at one point, this guy snuck out, got extremely hammered, came back, mistook some guy and his bed for the bathroom, pissed on him and laid in bed with him. Needless to say, he was kicked out. Anyways, fast forward a month, we inprocess into our respected companies (graduates were sent to various of the 3 ranger battalions at different locations and in different companies), I move my wife up to Columbus, ga and I start my army career as a army ranger. In the beginning, it fucking sucked. As a new guy, it is endless smoking and constant studying, getting in trouble over nothing and writing the ranger creed over, and over. The ranger creed is retarded long and I wrote it over a thousand times during my first 3 months. I deployed 4 months into being stationed there, and I got back from deployment. I'm going to leave the deployment part blank. But during that time, my wife and I had a falling out. She was a hardcore cunt the entire time and every time I called or skyped, all she wanted to do was fight. I noticed her and this guy we went to highschool with start talking a lot via Facebook and she assured me nothing was there, they were only friends. Men, if your girl ever says this, demand passwords to everything or leave the bitch. If she denies you access to her entire life at that point, she's a cheating whore. And that's exactly what she was. I noticed large amounts of my money being spent and was very skeptical as to what the fuck was going on, so I moved all my money to a separate VIP area of my bank that only I could access. I left only enough for bills and food in there for her until I got back and could figure out what was going on. I came back to an utterly trashed apartment, lazy pot addicted (which I don't think is bad, in moderation and if it doesn't affect your life) wife, and a dog who lived me dearly unconditionally and whom I love because he's awesome and named Apollo and he's a badass. I tried to surprise my wife and unlike all those bullshit videos you see if deployed spouses surprising their wives and them tearing up and running to them, my bitch ass wife said 'you just wanted to catch me doing something, didn't you?' Guilty conscience much? Anyways, turns out she was cheating. I figured out her email, and found pictures sent to that piece of shit with 'thanks for being the best part of my vacation ;)' from when she went down home to Florida. That whore. She left and now I'm on my own. She tried to take my dog, but I told her I would kill her before she could even try. So now its me, apollo and the following events who have ultimately turned me into the cold hearted womanizer I today. The first thing I did after we got separated was make a pof account. That is the largest pussy goldmine you could ever ask for and if you want to get laid by this weekend, go make an account. Anyways, there was a liquor store, gas station and bar in a plaza connected to the back gate of my apartment in walking distance, and that bar was the place I spent most of my nights (and money) before I was ultimately banned there after cussing some girl out who I would not give my seat to. She wanted it because her 2 friends were sitting in the last 2 available bar seats and she was forced to stand. Thinking that she had a vagina and I would give my seat up to her because of that fact, she was wrong. After asking 4 or 5 times in the course of 30 minutes, and me being 14 bud light platinums in, I had had enough and I cussed her out, and got kicked out of that bar for the 4th time and told to never come back. That bar turned me into an alcoholic, and I woke up in bushes on more then one occasion. And one night, k talked to this old retired military guy with an 18 year old daughter he was trying to set me up with. 18 platinums in, I foolishly tried to drive to her closed pizza shop (it was 1am wish) and luckily I my clutch on my Audi gave out a quarter mile into my drive. Had I gone any further, I would have died, someone else died, or gotten a DUI for sure. I was blacked out and I woke up the next day laying facedown on my living room floor. My apartment looked like I had fought off an intruder. My lamp was broken, coffee table broken, TV knocked over, there was blood everywhere and my shower curtains where torn down and I had kicked my front door in because I lost my keys on the walk back home. To this day I have no recollection of what happened and this is what I, through investigative abilities, concluded what happened: my car broke down, so I walked home and dropped my keys (I do remember kicking down my door, its the only part I remember, probably because I bit a hole through my lip) so I kicked in my door, wanted to play xbox, tried turning on my TV, and knocked it over. It was dark so I tried to turn on my lamp, I yanked it so hard, the cord ripped out and down came the lamp with it, breaking the glass shade. I stepped on it, cut my foot open and went to take a shower and wash the blood off, tripped into the shower, tearing down the curtains and hitting my head, assuming my foot flung blood onto my mirror because there was blood on my mirror. Which explains why my head hurt. I said fuck it. Put a sock over my foot and went to sleep on the couch, missed the couch, hit the coffee table and just rolled over onto the floor. Note: I forgot to set an alarm and I had work at 6am. I some up at 730ish with 15 missed calls asking where the fuck am I. Said I'm on my way and went to leave. So I put my uniform on, go outside and notice my door is kicked in and I can't lock it, it a comes back to me and I remember I have no keys or a car. Fuck. My. Life. So I call back and get a ride. Bad day for me.

Anyways, before and after that, many interesting stories I can't quite remember at the time, but I'll post as they come to me. Before that, I had met this 41 yo milf at my apartment pool. Long story short, I passed out drunk and woke up with her number and fucked Ber the next day. I met a virgin before that on pof, fooled her into thinking I liked her, was her first orgasm and first blow job, but I couldn't take her virginity. I could literally feel her non popped cherry with my fingers, I got the head of my dick in, and stopped there. I was cruel, but not heartless. I'll let someone else be the reason why she becomes a whore. I go on leave, my cousin and I fuck this chick from Peru with broken English together, and it was my first riffle tower and 3sum. I also meet a chick on the beach and drunkenly ask if she wants to go home with me. She says yes and I forget about it. Hours later it gets dark and she taps on my shoulder and I rail her out on my best friends bed and her friend comes and picks her up because I'm drunk and not driving anywhere. Also during this 2 week time period, I'm sleeping with a girl I use to sleep with back in highschool and I'd say it was a pretty successful leave. I go back to Georgia and I meet this girl named Kristine on pof. We dated for roughly 3 months before I break it off. Kristine was probably the coolest girl I've ever met, and it pains me to this day I had broken her heart. She was falling for me quick, and she was just a rebound to me. If you somehow ever read this Kristine, know I am extremely sorry and I wish you the best and hope you find a good guy. You truly deserve it.

Prior to that leave period, I had a 4 day weekend pass that I went home to Florida again during the spring. 2 of my best friends had both fucked this girl in our social group that we were good friends with, and I had told her she might as well fuck me to make it even, and as good as friends as we were, she agreed. So were at our local beach bar, drinking and hanging out. Note - I am wearing my 3/75 ranger panties and multi cam hat with ranger scroll. I say I'll brb to get a drink and that's the last time she sees me that night. At the bar, this girl taps on my shoulder and asks if I'm a ranger. I say yeah, and she says cool, she's a captain in the army. I call bs and she shows me her military ID. She invites me to her friends to go swimming, and next thing I know, I'm in a pool with a bunch of naked chicks, fucking their friend in front of them. Did it again on the couch, in front of them and she bought me breakfast the next morning and that was the last time I saw her.

Fast forward through Kristine, and my time in service allowed me to switch stations, so I decided its time to leave this shitty town in Georgia with horrible memories and I get stationed with a long range reconnaissance unit in north Carolina. This is truly the vagina capital of the us. This town is filled with military daughters, dumb redneck whores, and women who cheated on their husbands, vice versa, leaving separated women looking to party. My first week here, my buddy who came with me from regiment are prowling pof hard. I meet this 18 year old highschool senior, rail her out, 2 days later, this 26 year old mom of 2 who separated from her abusive husband, and that's the first girl I fucked in my new jeep. I forgot to mention, between Georgia and north Carolina, I get 20 days of leave, I go to Tallahassee to party with old highschool friends, get extremely drunk and missing the football game because we blacked out before it. No women were sexed in tally. On our 2 hour drive back to ft Walton Beach, my buddy asks if I wanted to hang with these 2 highschool seniors. Sure, why not? We start having some drinks, us 4 dancing in his kitchen, I take 1 to a room, he takes the other. And I swear, he pulled the slickest move ever. He storms into our room naked. I'll omit names. He says this golden line right here:

Pal: 'girl 1, girl 2 says she's down for a 4sum if you're down, but only if you're down.'
Girl 1: 'if girl 2 is cool with it, I guess I am.'

He then goes into his room and says:

Pal: 'girl 1 says she's down for a 4sum, but only if you're down.'

He plays them so hard and verbatim girl 2 says:

Girl 2: 'if girl 1 is up for it, I'm down.'

We effectively have a 4sum, switch the women, blah blah blah, I fuck one while she's blowing him and he's fingering the other, this and that.

After its all said and done, girl 2 is pissed because he's treating her like shit and it reminds her of her abusive ex, and I take her into the room to talk. She's sitting on my lap, and were still naked and I convknce her to blow me because I did not cum by blowjob that night and my buddy did. So I felt left out. I blew my load onto girl 2 and I took the girls home. Girl 1 is now pregnant by the guy I'm pretty sure she cheated on when she was with us, but adamantly exclaimed they were on a break at the time. Not surprisingly, her and the guy are not together and she's due in 10 weeks.

I go to my new unit, and a month later, its Christmas, so I get another 2 weeks leave. I made meet me account back in georgia, but it only got me laid once by a fat chick, so I didn't use it very much. But I posted that I'm going on another deployment in January and looking for a chick to chill with while I'm on leave, some eager girl who was in the dep program for the air force messaged me and we met at a bar. She was telling me how her husband cheated on her and this is the first time she's been out since then. Go back to her house and rail her out, blah blah blah.

During this leave, I had found this chick on pof whom went to a neighboring highschool and I had seen mutually at a few parties. So I played it up like we had drunkenly made out on a front porch with 2 white chairs and I'm sure she had to remember it. (This never happened) she says she's not surprised, because she was quite the partier and blacked out a lot. I told her I may or may not have pulled down her shit and I thought she had the best nipples. Our conversation quickly stirred to sex, and 2 days later she came over. I was staying with my dad during leave, sleeping on the couch because he turned my room into storage, so I told him I had a lady coming over and he needed to leave for a couple hours. She came over because I couldnt go there because her lieutenant colonel dad in the air force (I lived by a major air force base) was home. She came over, she blew me, I came on her face, fucked her, she bought me five guys burger and fries, took me home, fucked me, and left. Never heard from her again. That's exactly how a one night stand should go. She comes over, fucks you, buys you food, and leaves and never talks to you ever again.

I spent new years on leave, and we threw a giant condo party in the emerald grande on the harbor. Long story short, I blacked out on a couch, while most of my buddies were in a huge brawl. It was mostly a football team reunion and some other randoms from highschool got invited and 1 tried impersonating a captain and telling me 250 pound, extremely swole good friends to get in parade rest, at a party LOL. My friend who is actually in the army, called him out on stolen valor. The kid pushed my friend. My friend choke slammed him through onto the table, broke his jaw and crushed his esophagus. There was a huge brawl, thousands of dollars in damage to the condo. Were now banned from there and that kid is trying to sue my friend for his hospital bills. That's still in the works, so I'll post the results one day. Though I'm pretty sure the kid will lose, because he pushed my friend first, and in florida, that's assault. Anyways, I missed the brawl, and woke up the next morning in a motel 6, one shoe, no shirt, and a triple xl leather jacket. I actually have a picture of it, so I'll try to dig it up and post it later. No girls were sexed that night. I should have, as I met these 2 fine ass blonde girls on the harbor and brought them up, but I ended up talking to this air force cct (combat controller) that was attached to my company during our deployment who came with my girl-thats-a-friend Nicole. She's got a hard on for air force spec op guys. And I blacked out after that. So no girls were sexed.




Right before I went on leave, I met this chick on pof, and started talking to her during leave. Immediately from leave, I went out of state for a month long training event and didn't get a chance to hang out with her. So for that whole month I talked to her and thought it was weird her Skype didn't work, but she sent me pictures via email and didn't think much about it. She ended up cat fishing me so I stopped talking to her.

I've spent my 2 hour breakfast break typing this up from my phone, but I've gotta go back into work, so I'll post more later.

Damnit. I had another huge page typed out. But I closed my browser. Anyways. Shortly before the training. I met a bartender at a local sports bar. Used my typical food service industry worker pick up line. 'You're interesting, funny and cute. I want your number'. Note. I didn't ask for it. I demanded that I wanted it. Not sure, but I think there's a psychology behind it. Because it typically works. We went out for drinks. Next day I came over, she was suppose to cook. Ended up buying me taco bell instead and miller fortunes. We smashed that night and for the next month sort of dated. Was basically drinking and fucking, but whatever. I'm not sure what it is about women buying me food and drinks when we go out, but I accept it. I save money, and fuck them. I don't have that pride blocker that prevents you from letting people buy you shit. I'm not a gold digger, but fuck it, not my money.

We fizzed out and I got into the local red neck scene shortly after because I have a lifted jeep and I do like to take it out. Met some dudes at the river spot where would eventually be my weekend hangout. I met many women that I would eventually hook up with there, had hundreds of beers and tons of fun there. One particular night, a few teenagers showed up asking if this was gravel pit, and we were like yeah. Next thing you know, there are literally hundreds of people, 10 kegs, 55 gallon drum beer pong, a DJ, every drug you could think of and unlimited amounts of girls. And again I took home the hottest one. Turns out there was 2 undercover army cid agents scoping out the party because apparently it has been planned for a while via social media and the military police got a hold of it because we were technically on military property. Over 50 MPs stoked this party in multiple wedge formations, m4s, shotguns, body armor, etc. People scattered like crazy. I had a buddy who had met this girl and hung with her all night (I would eventually fuck her later that weekend) and he was passed out in my jeep. I carried him about 50 meters away and hid him in some bushes, when I came out, I had a shotgun barrel pointed at my face. There was a fat girl next to me and I said we were fucking in the bushes. Anyways, they moved all the military guys onto the old dam, which was a terrible, idiotic move by whatever retard NCO on duty. I'm.pretty sure it was this female e6. But were on the damn. This is an old, broken, dam mind you. There are multiple holes, with a 20 feet drop onto swept under trees, steel, bottles etc, and out of the side of the cement, broken, rusted, jagged rebar. Needless to say, some idiot fell through and everyone started freaking out. The mp froze and I told him give me your fucking flash light, I ran around, jumped in the water and saved the kids life. He sustained I juries to his side and couldn't swim. I broke my phone and lost my glorious multi can hat on the process, but it was worth it to save someone's life. They eventually lined all the military guys up in a formation to breathalyze us to see who could drive back. I made my way to the back, and eventually snuck out of the formation. My phone had a slot in the back that held 2 cards and I had dropped my debit card when I was presenting my military ID so I was off looking for it. The guy asked if anyone lived close to morganton rd, which was about 5 minutes from my apartment, so I said I did. He asked if I could give a girl a ride home. This girl, freshly 18, about to graduate highschool in 11 days, was hiding in the river from the police, got cold and came out. She got in my jeep, I gave her one of the blankets I keep in the back, and she balled up in it. She said she had to pee and if I could go with her. She held my hands, dropped her shorts and peed in the woods. She said she was still cold so I suggested she come cuddle up on me because I'm practically a bear and I'm warm. My hands do their usual tricks and move onto her tits and eventually into her shirt. I tell her my hand is cold and I'm going to stick it between her legs. You can't just go in for the kill, so I take it slow. We've got a 35 minute drive, so aside from the fact that I drove 15 miles, drunk, shifting my 6speed lifted wrangler with my left hand, while I pulled moves with my right hand, it was an easy task. I very slowly start to rub, very slowly. So she doesn't really know what I'm doing, but she knows something is feeling good. Finally I make insertion, and she's like I haven't done anything in 2 years since my boyfriend cheated on me. I tell her I'm not doing anything except warming my hands. Neither one of us are dumb, well, maybe she is, but after that, I say, open your legs, and she does, and I am full on finger blasting this girl. We get off the highway and I turn into a neighborhood and she asks what were doing. I tell her there's no way I'm gonna let this go, I've absolutely to finish her off. She agrees and I tell her to hop in the back. I eat her out until she does the typical girl thing after they orgasm when you go down on them, where she clutches anything and everything, locks my head in with her legs, and starts backing up because the feeling becomes over whelming. I'm not in the mood for games, so I just pull her head towards my cock and she stops and says she's never sucked a dick before. I tell her its a hell of a night to learn tonight. So she does. I am hammered drunk and I'm obviously not gonna go because of this. But I let her do it for a couple minutes just so I'm the first dick she's ever really blown. I take her shorts off, throw my one and only old wallet condom on and start going to town. Note - I don't know if you, the reader, has ever slept with someone in the back of a jeep. But it ain't easy. Very cramped, my back seat has clothes, boots and a gun, and it was pushing my buttons. But after a while, I finally bust. Rip the condom off, throw it out the window, and drive on. She lost her cell phone in the river, mine broke in the river, and she doesn't remember where her road is. So I say I'm not wasting anymore gas, were going to my apartment to GPS it on my computer. So we get there. She gets on my bed, in soaking wet clothes and complains she's cold. I tell her take her clothes off, 1 you're wet, so you're gonna be cold, and 2 you're getting my bed wet. Before I continue, this girl was absolutely gorgeous in the dark. One of the most beautiful 18 year olds I've ever seen. In the light, she was truly a dime piece. I would have married her that day if I was able to fuck her everyday from there on. 5'1, 100 pounds, dark hair, bright green eyes. Truly what I love in a woman. Anyways, before I even turn on my computer, she's laying there naked in my bed. I start eating her again, for about 10 seconds, and stick it right back in, raw. She asks what if she gets pregnant. I say its alright, I'll pull out and go on you. She agrees and for the next 15ish minutes, I try to put her in every position I know. At one point, she was switching to doggy style, and from the back was this glorious ass, tight pussy just sharing at me. My mouth had to be on it. And that was the first time I ever ate a girls ass. It was awesome. Then I continued to fuck her violently from behind. I wanted her vagina to feel like fire the next day. I blow my load on her tits, and we find her road. I took her home. So the mp asked me to give her a ride. I gave her 2 rides. And then I took her home.

That was Friday night. The next night. I went to asheboro...maybe Asheville..?.. For an ABC party at a couple try bar with my buddy, his gay brother, our other friend and 2 chicks whom had been at that river party. My buddy had already fucked one before she got married, and was working on the other one. The one he already fucmed, was the one who was with my buddy who passed out in the jeep that night. We dance and what not, make out. Nothing serious that Saturday night, but it set the tone for Sunday night. They came.over again , fast forward we all watched a movie together, and its time to go to sleep. The girl and my buddy head into one room, and we've got the den couch. My buddies gay brother apparently has a huge gay crush on me and wouldn't leave...so we move to the living room. Lo and behold he follows us to sleep on the love seat. I am quietly fingering her, while we wait for him to sleep so we can move back down to the den, and we do, and I eat her out, and fuck Her. She's got that BC shot so I blow inside, and go to the bathroom, come back, lay down for 10, whip my dick out and put it in her mouth. We fuck again, and go to sleep. I wake up, and go to work the next day. We end up being fuck buddies for about a month or 2. This girl is always scratching my back and biting me and I don't like that shit. Its a double edged swords because to some girls, it says you're a man whore. To others, it says you're doing something right. I just think it fuckin hurts and its annoying.

During our fuck buddy time, 2 of my work buddies are curious about the now infamous gravel pit, so I invite them out there one day. 1 brings his girlfriend, the other invites 2 girls he met at a bar a while ago. They are both super hot. We drink a lot of beer, I'm making out with one, he's with the other, and the other 2 are dating so who gives a shit what they do. Us 4 singlets go for a ride down some trails in my jeep, it turns the ladies on, hard. They're could try girls so they live for that shit. Anyways, so I've got one on my dick and its starting to get dark and I brought bacon I wanted to cook over a fire so I say I'm bouts go get some wood I'll brb. The OTHER girl says shell come help me. None of us think much about it. So we walk across the sand pit, and I shit you not this is the exact conversation.

Girl: You know, you have a really nice dick.
Me: and how would you know what my dick look like?
Girl: I could see it through your shorts when you came out of the water.
Me: oh, well thanks...you've got some nice tits your self.
Girl: what happens in the woods, stays in the woods, right?
Me: um...yeah...sure...

She immediately starts making out with me, grabbing my dick, so I start playing with her tits, rubbing her vagina. I suggest us go look for wood in that bush over there, but she says 'I would absolutely fuck you right now, but I'm on my period.' So I continue to look for wood. My buddy confirmed her period, be took her home the next day, and she wouldn't fuck because of it, but he got a blow job. They end up dating. I tell him what happened and he's like I knew something was going on over there! Trollolol.

The other girl, whom I was making out with originally, well call her fake tits, because she has fake tits, left for air force officer selection or some shit, and I never fucked her. That time period at least. This was months ago, and I did end up fucking her, ironically, last night lol from as I'm writing this. She is also one of the hottest chicks I've ever banged and it was an amazing lay. One of the best vaginas I've ever seen or tasted. She is 4'11, around a hundred pounds, and completely tight. It was awesome. But anyways.

That was months ago and prior to all that, I had met this girl on pof whom I was gonna date. We talked for like a week and she cold turkey stopped messaging me. Couple days later I asked why and she said she found another guy and she was sorry. I didn't care so I was like its cool. 2 or so months later she Snapchats me asking to chill and come over. I do. She's got a boyfriend who just deployed but I want to spite fuck her for cold turkeying me. We get in her bed...I get her tits out...but she's like nah...so I go to sleep. The next weekend she says she knows a party, she comes over, leaves her car at my place, and my buddy drives us to this party. Have some drinks and shots and we get drunk, and leave. My Buddy had an air mattress in my living so because he's always sleeping over and I fucked her on that. So regrets it, makes me delete all her contact info and that's the last I hear from her for about a month. She hits me up again via snapchat asking to come over and is pretty forward that she just wants to fuck. She records videos of her blowing me, and blowing my load on her face so she can mastirbate to it. Weird. I don't know. I think I have a magic tongue because every chick always says I'm the best eater outer ever. (The key is the alphabet twice, up and down really hard, and left and right. Repeat. Most chicks cum after the second iteration of the 3, and if they can get over the over whelming feeling, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th orgasm come right after that. You can make her cum 5 times in 5 minutes if you hit her soft spot) I have her blow me (this is when the camera shit happens, after I went down) and I waited like an hour, but up close and naked, aside from her great tits, and tight body, she had a beat looking vagina and it was not turning me on. I fucked her again the next night, and that was the last time.

A short quick story - me, 3 buddies, 5 chicks. 2 of my buddies and 3 of the uglier chicks go skinny dipping at a pond by his house. Me, other friend, 2 hot chicks stay. They want to go skinny dipping with us, but not with them. I take them to isolated river spot I know, they want McDonalds before they do it, and don't have money. NOPE, SORRY LADIES. I drive them back. These 2 whores literally are glue to each other. Whole night, never separting. Sit on each others laps in my jeep. Won't put on seat belt or use safe riding techniques or go skinny dipping so I teach them a valuable lesson by sliding around corners of the gravel roads. Be the last time you waste my time. They complain they flew around a lot and hit their heads on my roll cage. I dont give a fuck. I told you to put on a seat belt. We get back. 2 of the ugly duckling chicks left, but one fat girl stayed. I am horny and ready to smash at this point, and angry, and drunk. I grab her hand, tell her we need to talk, and walk her outside
My other buddies told us they had a 5 sum in the pond and we totally missed out, so I knew shed be a whore. She asks if were really about to fuck on the grass and I say yes ma'am we are. I am attracted to her 0%, but I fuck her anyways. Earlier in the night, my buddies 16 year old sister was being nosy as shit so I told her to make her self useful and bring me a couple condoms. I never really looked at them, but when I put them on, they were so tight I couldn't keep my boner up. Of course she would have these tiny little condoms her and her boyfriend are 16. So I go to pull it off, its so damn tight that it literally breaks, leaving one, super tight rubber co Dom ring on my penis. So I start pounding raw. Maybe 3 minutes before I pull out and go onto the grass. My buddy starts laughing and says he's been watching the whole thing. I laugh. She doesn't. Luckily my body is on my side, and when I'm not attracted to a girl, I will not lost long at all. Good because I don't want her hitting me up for sex when she's not worth the time. I ended up walking up on her and my buddy fucking on her truck later, tried to get her to blow me while he fucked her, but she wasn't having it.

Fast forward to last night. I fucked fake tits and again I'm the best eating she's ever had, and she wants to hang out again. Which I totally don't mind. I actually do like her. She's beautiful, interesting, about to be an air force officer and has her shit together. Were going out for drinks tonight for thirsty Thursday. Will update.

There are tons of stories before where I started this blog at, and tons I between then I cant think of, but I will post as I remember and as they happen. But long story short, my ex wife was the 4th woman I ever slept with, not counting the virgin I only put the head of my dick in, I'm now at 25. She would be 26. I had never cheated on her, or any other girlfriends previously, nor do I even plan on being unfaithful to any girl I seriously date, but because she cheated on me, ripped my hearts to shred, and left me in shambles, I have never viewed women the same. They became merely objects of my desire to me, and frankly, I do not treat them well. I'm not a bad person, but until they prove they deserve the good side of me, they'll get the side that has my walls built up. Coincidentally, that side is really gold at getting them to have sex with me. I'm not the most attractive man there is, but I am extremely confident in everything I do, I'm funny, and I never pretend to be something I'm not. When a girl asks what I typically do for fun, I proudly tell them, every now and then I'll take my jeep in the woods, or go out to a bar, but mostly I lay naked in my room and play video games 8 hours a day. Because I do. When I wanted to be a ranger, even though I smoked pot every single day, I knew what I wanted and I went after it. I'd rip up my bong, and I'd go for a run. Started off working on my mile time until I could practically sprint it. Then my 2 mile, and eventually the 5 miler. All while smoking pot, playing video games and eating taco bell everyday. Don't ever let your physical body stop your mind from achieving its goals. The body will go where the mind takes it. You can be a nerd, and still be a badass too. I believe women look at 3 things in a guy and you only need 2 of the 3. Good looks, confidence, and being funny. Having money is a shadow factor and can outweigh all 3. So if all else fails, get rich.

This is from new years at the emerald grande, not my best january 1 ever.

This is the night the gay brother tried cock blocking me - The mentioned girl is on the left.


This post was edited by sank on Sep 5 2014 01:25pm

This is the night before the night, at the ABC party at Arizona Pete's in Ashe...boro...ville?.., North Carolina.

Oh and Major Terror, if you ever finish reading, message me in league to duo.

This is fake tits from the river, it's a terrrrrible picture, so I'll attach a better one from instagram.

So a couple months ago, we had went out to a river (different one than gravel pit, or where I met fake tits), to swim, shoot bows and get drunk. As dusk approached we changed into our jeans and boots and got ready for the weekend bonfire there. During the week, people bring all sorts of shit, bags of leaves, sticks, clippings, etc to put on the bonfire for the weekend. My friends and I are assholes and don't really give a shit they put shit there all week for this, so as soon as nighttime hit, we lit her up. A few girls come over to us, and ask us for some beer and like we normally do, we don't give them shit. You give bread to 1 seagull next thing you've got 50
This mixed girl with this massive lifted new Chevy came up and we started hitting it off. I like to keep my options open typically because she was far from the hottest chick there, so I got her number and moved on. Over the new couple hours I killed my 18 rack of budlight, my half handle of kraken, various moonshine shots from all these local rednecks, and I got my hands on a bottle of gin (which I hate, but I was drunk) so I was quickly becoming retarded stupid drunk. Earlier in the night, we had gotten into it with some guys, and the situation was diffused, or I thought it was. Note - I love fighting. I'm good at it and I don't think there is a better way to establish dominance over another male than to beat the shit out of him. So if there's a fight, typically I want to be there. Except when I'm retarded hammered shit housed drunk. It typically doesn't go well. This fucking kid comes up to us talking various shit, this and that and I'm having fuckin enough of it. I say to the kid he doesn't want to fight me and to walk away. He replies with yeah boy I do, so immediately I drop the kid to the dirt. He's out cold. I'm surprised I connected with him considering 5-10 mins previous to that I was missing my face with a bottle. Anyways, 5-6 of his friends proceed to jump in and it's just too much for my drunk mind to comprehend. I'm getting the shit kicked outta me and finally one of my 2 buddies I came with jumps in, hits one of the guys who came in and he starts getting beat up too. Our 3rd friend was getting blown in his truck so he wasn't moving. Can't blame him I guess. These idiots suck at jumping people because neither one of us woke up with black eyes, busted lips, cuts or anything.

Anyways, the next day, I take the mixed girl to the movies and I think she expects me to pay for her ticket but she's fucking high because unless were actually together, I'm not buying you shit. Nothing happens that night besides making out. The next day, my power in my apartment went out because I had previously lost my debit card a few months back and forgot to reinstate auto pay. So this particular day my power goes off around 9am and by the time I get home from work in the afternoon, its 87 degrees in my apartment. I call mixed girl, and she comes over. We fuck twice. I may have came inside her the first time so I tell her she needs to buy plan b. She tells me its my fault so I should buy it. I tell her it'd her ass who wasn't on birth control and bangin random dudes, so don't blame me. She reluctantly agrees and that was the last time I heard from her. She's now dating some guy in the army as well and he's deployed currently. I feel bad for him. I always think its funny scrolling down Facebook and what not, looking at all the girls I just wanted to fuck and nothing else to do with, and there new boyfriends so deeply in love. Its a shame.

Live update - as I'm writing this with my phone I am currently witnessing something hilarious. Someone dropped like 200 beers out of there truck on the road between a McDonalds and a tobacco store / laundry mat. Which is a huge hangout for the local...hoodlums and ratchets.... Anyways, so there is a plethora of broken beer bottles and cans, but apparently a few good ones because the hoodlums and ratchets are about a dozen strong scrounging through the debris picking up the non broken beers. Hilarity at its finest. So ratchet.

This story reminded me of another more recent one. Note - there is nothing good about this story in any way shape or form. It is filled with so much fail on my part. However, it is hilarious to my friends, so I'll share it. Precursor - when I drink bud light, I can drink 30 and I'll be just fine, no joke I've done it multiple times while day drinking at the river. However, bud light platinum is an entirely different story. Bud light platinum is the bane of my existence and has led to me being kicked out from multiple bars, waking up in bushes, in the clutches of police, kicked off beaches, and all around shit fuckery.so my buddy swiss and I are going to a local club and of course I want to pregame so I buy a 12 pack of platinums. I have 9 and he has 3 shortly before we leave and I'm already getting a good buzz going. We get there and over the course of the next hour or 2, I have roughly 9 more and 5-6 shots of fireball and he buys me a couple red bull and vodkas. The very last thing I remember was us talking about how we should divide and conquer. Ie split up on the dance floor and find the hottest bitches and dance with them and ultimately try to take them home. That was the last thing before I was woken up in the middle of the woods by a jogger in the rain with 1 shoe. I was cold wet and wondering where the fuck I was. Somehow I ended up on the base some the fuck how and someone found me sleeping in the woods. The only thing I had was my debit card and phone, no wallet, drivers license, military Id, nothing. After reviewing my call logs, I started back tracking my night and found out I went through quite an adventure. I never did find my wallet or any of that shit, but here's basically how the turn of events went. After my buddy and I split up, the bartender apparently refused to serve me because I was too drunk. We started arguing and a bouncer was called over. I punched the bouncer in the face and more bouncers came and a bunch of cops tackled me to the ground, subsequently my wallet fell out of my pocket and more than likely thanks to your local hoodlums / ratchets it was never to be found again. 0 cash, no credit card, they could have just turned it into the desk there. Anyways, I was cuffed and thrown into the police car, between this and the tackling explains why my shoulder was killing me and my wrists are cut up and to this day I still have no feeling along the side of my left thumb. Them bitches must have been on tight. Knowing that I'm a soldier, they afforded me the opportunity to call someone to get me, which somehow I called this kid I barely knew, met mutually at a few parties and didn't even have his phone number, so however I got hold of him, I'm still not sure. Drunk magic I guess. He picks me up, but I can't remember how to get back to my apartment, so he took me on base to my unit. My buddies on CQ were gonna lay me on the couch so I could sleep it off but I ran away into the woods because I'm retarded, tripped over a group of rocks, lost my shoe and rolled down a hill where I passed out. It was one hell of a shit night, an even worse hang over, but an epic story.

I'm gonna move on to some pre army stories.

My first blow job came before my first kiss, or hj or finger blasting and honestly I had no idea how any of it was suppose to play out. When I was in 10th grade, I was sort of a shit head at home. My parents had split and I was with my dad. I was a lazy piece of shit that played world of Warcraft most of my waking hours and my dad was getting fed up with it. We had a huge argument one night and I left to a buddies. At school the next day I was pissed. I've always been a funny class clown type of guy and I never knew that chicks actually were into that. Well I went in and the girl who sat in front of my noticed my general lack of good mood and asked me what was wrong. I told her my dad pissed me off and I was having a bad day and she asked if there was anything she could do to make me feel better. Jokingly I said I could really use a blowjob right about now. (I had never had a blow job up until this point) and she said when and where. Djciemforkodoenfogienr what?! So I told her jv football locker room, meet me during lunch in the commons and I'll take us there. I grabbed my best friend and I had him post guard while I took us into the washer / dryer room in the locker room. I stood against the wall as she got on her knees in the dark room and I blew my load into her mouth. It was awesome. Subsequently after that, we didn't really hangout much outside of school, and I list my virginity later that summer, which is another story I'll tell next, but after I broke up with my virginity taker, I hit up that girl again to see if I could land some more blow jobs. Which I did. Over the course of the summer, I'd hit her up once a week, pick her up in my car, and shed blow me and I'd take her home. She eventually got a boyfriend, so it stopped. Months later into my junior year, my license had got suspended and one day she called me asking for a ride. I was a town over with a buddy of mine, (whom dated the best friend of the girl who bought me 5 guys in a previously mentioned story) and I told her wed give her a ride on one condition. She blew me and showed my buddy her tits. She's s grade below me and I was 2 grades below my buddy so we were not about to help this girl whom was younger than us unless we got something out of it. We pick her up, she shows us her tits, and she blows me on the way to her destination. I blow my load, hop back into the front seat and were pulling into a neighborhood. I never bothered to ask where or who she was going to, but it became very evident soon enough. We pull into a drive way and sure enough, there's her boyfriend leaning against a car. I'm a little confused at this point and my buddy is in tears dying because he's already picked up on what's going on. I refuse to believe it until I see her start making out with him while my load is still fresh in her mouth. I mean no more then 3 minutes prior to that she ate my load and didn't even rinse it with water. They both thank me and we leave. My friend is crying at this point and I'm pretty sure we laughed all the way back to my house. This girl is now married to a sailor or some shit. But it got me thinking. Has a girl ever done this to me? I've made out with numerous chicks at parties, and clubs, and this and that and this ever happened to me?! I hope not.

Heading back into work, will post later.

I lost my virginity at age 16. I was a lifeguard at a water park with 2 of my weight lifting team / football team buddies. We were constantly hanging out during the spring and summer so it only made sense we worked together as well. One day on my second to last rotation, I saw this girl playing with a kid. At the time, I thought she was gorgeous. At the time, I was completely blinded by my instinctive need to mate with hoes. She winked at me so I went and talked to her. Had a nice little conversation, I told her my next station and she met me over there. After life guarding, there were 2 theme park attractions at our park for after hours, paired with mini golf and go karts and I was working the cyclone. This big thing that spend you around in circles really high up and gives you full view of destin, fl and the entire coast. The job was dope. In order to strap you in, it required me to touch boobs constantly. Anyways. I told her I'd be working that, come by, bring your family and I'll give them free passes. (The tickets did not have dates, so whenever people Gabe me tickets I just put them on my pocket. I had saved up hundreds.) I took her for a ride, and gave her family roughly 50-60 tickets. I convinced a buddy to take my shift, and I left with the girl. We went back to her place, she got changed, grabbed a different bathing suit and I took her to my usual take girl to chill spot. A local condo with 3 hot tubs, a lazy river and a giant pool. She went to change in the bathroom and I was like alright I'll wait out here. She said it was okay and I could come in. She said she wasn't ashamed of her body and that I could look. She wasn't fat or anything, so she didn't really have a reason to be, so of course I was looking. I just started grabbing her tits and making out with her. We made it into the pool where I started fingering her and she was jerking me off. Same in the hot tub. I took her home and we talked by my car for a bit and I was like alright I gotta go. She said she didn't want me to leave, so I suggested a compromise of her getting in the back seat with me. I fucked her raw for like 20 minutes and I never busted. Which was great because had I gotten her pregnant I would.probably have to end up killing her. She was not someone I would want in my life for a long run under any circumstances. We sort of started dating after that and we fucked a lot. I never once came by fucking her ever. The closest I got was fucked her. Jerked off with the condom on and stuck it back in to finish while fucking her. She was the first girl I ever ate out and it was disgusting. I expected so much more, but had no idea. I went tongue deep into her nasty ass vagina and hated every second of it. Just to put it in perspective how dirty this girl was, we were 69ing when it first happened and my nose was sort of in her asshole and she said 'oh yeah, sorry if it stinks back their' like really? She was also the first girl I did anal with and it was also a terrible experience. I applied this lotion she had, and I'm not sure if it was the lotion, or her ass, but after I put it in, my dick started burning to the point I had to pull out and run it under water. Note - her ass was not burning so I don't think it was the lotion. She told me she loved me a couple days later and I broke it off. Her and her mom proceeded to leave me death threats on my voicemail and that was the last time I ever personally saw her, for a few years at least. She would not let it go though. I told my buddy, whom worked at the water park with me and whom me and her hung out with frequently that if you buy her taco bell, she will fuck you. No doubt. And he did. Bought her taco bell and fucked her. She left me alone thank god.

Shortly after that, a girl from the same math class that the girl who gave me my first blow job, had a huge crush on me, and even though school was out, she was always texting me and what not. And during school, I would always play with her titties during lunch. Well she had a hotter best friend that I started talking to and titties girl, her best friend, and their other best friend Rachel, well call them that for this story, invited me to come chill and drink on the beach. I went over to destin, and initially met up with them at her parents rv. Fuck it, I'll use names, much shorter. Titties is Kelly. Best friend is Kate, and third bff is Rachel. Anyways, Kate and Rachel had to go get ready leaving me and Kelly in the rv drinking beer. Kelly still has a huge crush on me and somehow we start making out. I lift up her shirt and suck on her tits for a while and we eventually go into the house. They're all ready and we go grab some beer. I'm 16, so my method of beer is paying some random guy to pick me up an 18 of natty lite and letting him keep the change. We go into whataburger to pre drink eat and I brought some beer in with me and next thing I know 10 cops storm in with guns drawn and I'm thinking really? All this over underage drinking? Turns out they were looking for someone who just robbed a gas station, so we finish eating and head to the beach. Were all drinking and I'm about 6 beers in and theyre all about 2 in and all drunk as fuck already because they're like 14/15 and dumb. I'm only 16 so its not bad. Stop judging me. Anyways, Rachel says she has to go pee, so I offer to work her over to the nearest walk way dock because its dark and quite far away. She pees and were on our way back, my buzzed horniness gets the best of me and I stop near some light and tell her to pull open her shirt, I want to see her tits. She pulls down her shirt, shows me her tits, feeling content, we walk back. So at this point, I've done, at least slightly, something with both chicks except the one who I actually came there for. Kate says were outta beer and I should come with her to get more. So we're walking back and she's all over me all drunk and shit and starts kissing me when we get back to the car. I lean her against my trunk and lift her shirt up and start sucking on her tits. I love tits and sucking on them is an absolute must for me. She asks me if I want to be her boyfriend dd course I don't so I tell her that I'm young and I'd much rather be friends because I'm busy with football and work, etc. She agrees and we go back to drinking. It gets late and I go to take them home and Kelly and Rachel go inside. Kate and I are talking in my car, things get heavy and she starts blowing me. It was terrible because I was her first blow job. I get ready to go, but blow my load outside on the grass. Not sure why. I start fingering her and again my morals kick in and decide not to fuck her and take her virginity. Dumb me. We hang out once more and jerks me off at a movie theater during tropic thunder. And that was the last time we ever hung out. Oh lord I almost forgot one of the best parts. On my way home from the first night we all 3 hung out, it was roughly 430. It was about a 30 minute drive home and I fell asleep at the wheel multiple times. I hit a road turning off at one point that was paved up hill and ramped my car like 20 feet and woke up mid air, nearly crashed, but I made it home alive. Its about 5am, sun is starting to come up and I have summer football practice in 2 hours. I was trying to figure out how to sober up and in my mind, the best way to sober up is adrenaline. So I took off all my clothes, and ran about a mile, drunk and naked around my neighborhood. Needless to say, it kind of sobered me up, which I assume from running, sweating and my feet hurting like fuck because it was asphalt and I was barefoot. I went to practice in the hot sun, got sick and vomited everywhere. Lesson learned.

Shortly after that, my my junior year started and my 4th period was earth space and science. A new girl from Illinois has moved there and due to the way her school was ran, es science was a senior class. We started school on Monday and by Wednesday I has established my self as dominant male and class clown. During highschool, I was jacked. I benched 305 at the end of my sophomore year, cleaned and jerked 275, and to top it off, I was hilarious. When that class got out Wednesday, that senior girl, Ashley, came up to me and asked me for my phone number. So I gave it to her and she said she would hit me up Friday to hangout. Dope I thought. I didn't really think much about it because I had a huge crush on a girl in that class which is another hilarious story, and Friday came and she hit me up. My buddy whom bought my ex taco bell and fucked her was throwing a party at a condo so I took her there and we hung out for a bit. To this day, that guy who is now a Sgt in the army as well, and stationed in Colorado is one of my very best friends and introduced me to swiss who is in a few of my previous stories. Anyways, he was kind of talking to my cousin, and she was throwing a party at her house and he was not getting in vagina and their condo party so he asked if we wanted to go swing by my cousins. Yeah sure I thought, so we drunkenly drove us over there. I had parked my car in the mall parking lot earlier, and Ashley was driving so her, zack and I drove to my cousins. She was reallly fucked up so glad nothing happened. We chilled at my cousins and this is when I started blacking out. All I remember there was taking a patron shot and Ashley sitting on my lap. Zack lives fairly close and decides he wants to go home and Ashley says its getting fairly late and she needs to as well so she drives Zack and I to my car in the mall parking lot and Zack goes and passes out in my back seat while Ashley and I are standing outside her car talking. We start making out and I pull my signature move, lift up her shirt and start sucking on her tits. She stops me, and says, it's your turn and starts blowing me. Awesome. I got a blow job as a junior, from a senior my first weekend of this year. It's gonna be a great year. And indeed it was. I threw one hand over one eye and drove Zack home. On my way home, again I was falling asleep at the wheel, sun was starting to come up and of course I fell asleep and drifted into the side of somebody. FUCK! I am hammered drunk and freaking out. So I decide there is only one logical option here. Run. I get behind their car and signal them to turn into this neighborhood. As they turn in, k speed the fuck off. I get to my hood, and stop to assess the damage. I hear a car stop behind me and lo and behold these fuckin old cock suckers were following me trying to do the right thing or some horse shit. I speed off, cut through some other neighborhoods, take back roads, dirt road cut offs, and generally lose them because I am extremely familiar with every aspect of the area. I've lives their my whole life and my friends and I always road our bikes and dirtbikes and shit everywhere, so we know everything. I go deep into a neighborhood that is connected with every neighborhood for the next 15 miles and hide my car. I call my buddy Jake, the one with me when the girl blew me and kissed her boyfriend, he brought me his car cover and we went to Walmart and got some shit that removes scuffs. Luckily I only had scuffs. 3 years later I was pulled over for 'drifting' when I was prom shopping with my now ex, best friend tae (one of the ones who worked at the water park with me) and his ex. And the cop asked me if I drove a blue Pontiac and ever hit and run anyone. I drove an Audi at this point and told him no, no clue why anyone would assume that. I got away. So again, crazy night with a shit ending.

Couple weeks later I met this chick Jessica through a weed dealer and we started talking over my space and we started dating. Another buddy of mine David, met Ariel, Jessica's best friend and they started dating and we all spent countless nights on the dock on th***, smoking weed and drinking. One Friday night, Jessica and Ariel were being sketchy as shit and both said they were going to sleep early so David and I were skeptical. We were on MySpace (was popular at the time) and noticed someone left a comment saying see you in 15 or some shit like that, so David and I drove to their house. We waited outside for a bit. We had grabbed an 18 rack and sat outside drinking it as cars started to show up. We contemplated on our course of action. I remember him getting out, throwing a beer bottle at the stop sign and yelling 'THOSE SLUTS' angrilly. They were having a party. Again, I am massively jacked in highschool and a scary site as far as 16 year olds go. I tell David were crashing this party. So we walk around back to the screen door and walk in. Ariel/Jessica's face turned ghost white and everything seemed to freeze. David and I were both in a drunken rage. And I yell into this party 'all guys, stand up, and get the fuck out. Right now.' Literally 10-15 guys walk out and its a couple chicks left and Jessica and Ariel. Some guy had a bottle of peppermint schnapps and a robo bottles and went to take it as he left. I put my hand on the table and said they're mine now. I had once heard about robo tripping, so I stole 3 bottles from Walmart, took them by my self and it was the most glorious trip I had ever had. That was a few months ago. Anyways, so I commandeered that guys shit, chugged his robo and there was about half a bottle of schnapps left, and chugged it. It wasn't a huge bottle by any means, but I was drunk and angry and some how managed to chug it. The other girls filter out and its just us 4. They explain how they're really stupid and sorry and David and Ariel go and fuck on her room. Jessica and I are making out on the couch, sucking on her titties, fingering her, but sadly I never got to fuck her. We ended up breaking up shortly after that.

Will post more later.

Well, I've got extra time, might as well throw in another story or 2.

So, Christmas passes and spring rolls around and I add this hot chick with mutual friends on MySpace. We don't really talk much, but one day I run into her and her friends at Walmart. McKenzie....is that you? And it is, and we had a small conversation and hung out a couple times and sort of started dating. One day we hang out and meet at Juana's , a local beach bar, and a place where high schoolers meet to play volleyball. It also happens to be the same bar I met the army captain I fucked. Anyways, we walk over to a condo hot tub and her, me, her friend, and her friends boyfriend, and his cousin and chilled in the hot tub. Things were getting hot and heavy, she was on my lap, making out with me and same with the other couple and his cousin was third wheeling it in the pool and of course cops fuckin show up and ruin all the fun and arrest us. Turns out another group of kids, 3 guys and 2 chicks whom key our description were there 10 minutes prior to us throwing chairs around and going up and down on the elevator and the security guards thought that was us so they called the heavys. Anyways, they ended up catching those guys on the 18th floor smoking a blunt on the balcony and releasing us. Not a super exciting story, but we were initially charged with trespassing before we got released and when I joined the army, it was on my record that I was charged with trespassing and the people got a kick out of that story when I was getting my secret clearance. To this day, every time I do something that involves me getting a clearance or a special badge for some bullshit I have to tell people that story.

Shortly after that, I saw this girl on MySpace with a fattttt ass and thought I absolutely wanted to fuck her. We talked and hung out a few times and I did eventually fucked her at my old empty house that my friends and I went to smoke and drink at before my dad started renting it out. We fizzled out and my buddy tae invited me to s movie with him and this girl he had met. Taes cell phone died and he had to text her from my phone. Which in the long run got me laid. Tae tried cracking a joke at me in the movie and I had made an inside joke and the girl was curious about its origination so she texted me during the movie and I explained it. She told me she thought I was funny and we should hangout sometime. I told tae about it and he was cool and didnt mind. So I took her to a river to jump off a bridge and we hung out a few times and on the third week. Things were getting hot and heavy and I told her I really liked her and didn't mind waiting longer to have sex and she said no she wanted to fuck me now and we did. She was the third girl I slept with. The one in my rental house being the second. We dated for about 6 months through the end of my junior year, the summer and first couple months of my senior year before she cheated on me. When she broke up with me, I started dating my now ex wife shortly after that.

I had met her the first day of my senior year as she was in my English class. She was super hot, but I wasn't going to cheat on my girlfriend because I'm a good guy. We were friends, and I hung out with her a few times, but nothing more than that. In English, we sat at tables in groups and did a lot of group shit, and she, Drake, kaleigh and rudell were at my table and drake being a black guy, and friend of mine said I had a small dick because I'm white. He was joking around and I was not joking around when I said I would whip it out on the table. He called bs and I did just that, I whipped it out on the table. That on top of being class clown, later that day at the end of class, I got Olivia's number. Shortly after Claire cheated on me and I was with David and all mopey about Claire and he asked if I knew any chicks that wanted to burn with us. I called Olivia. She snuck out of her house and we went and smoked pot on the new pier they were building. We went to the same condo I got caught at earlier that year and chilled in the hot tub, we were in our boxers, and she was in her jean shorts and bra. I would eventually end marrying this whore. But before she was a whore. She was awesome. Shed talk on the phone with me while I smoked pot and played dota on wc3. And eventually gave me her virginity on my 18th birthday. But she a hoe now though. I spent most of my senior year sneaking into her ass and staying at her house until school in the morning. There was many close calls with her parents. Her dad woke up at 430 to go to work every Monday - friday and would come into her room to give her a kiss. Sometimes we could hear him come up the stairs and sometimes we didn't. Many times I flipped off the side of her bed naked right as he walked in. Or hid in the closet or under a pile of clothes. Oh how I wasted my senior year.

This post was edited by sank on Sep 10 2014 06:25am

Men remember when I told you guys the secret to fast vagina is pof? I changed my about me to basically degrading women and some chick thought it was funny and messaged me. So I met her last night and less than 24 hours later, I just had my first anal pounding experience. I've tried anal on multiple occasions. It just never works out. I'm too cheap to buy lube, and I'm not gonna sit there and finger her asshole for 10 mins. Anyways, after 2-3 tries, I got it in, started slow, and eventually got to pounding. Came in her ass, and then dropped her back off at her car. She is not nearly as jot as fake tits, but fake tits started talking to her ex husband who she just divorced like 2 months ago...stupid I know. Sucks. I actually really like her. I dont blame her. She was catching feelings and I move out of the state in 2 weeks. But, even if we were only dating a short time - I still never looked at another girl. I genuinely liked her and was faithful...but if she wanna scheme and not even tell me or barely talk to me anymore, leaving me to find out via social media...well I'm not one to not seize the opportunity.

The focal point of this - I came in a girls ass for the first time because pof. Pof is like Craigslist free section for vagina.

Make a pof now. If you have any sort of charisma, you'll be laid by the weekend.