cramping sucks.
honesxtly , wwith the exception of yeterday when I was told I got the job,
these last 2 weeks has been fucking hell.
I hate everything everyone
and myself.
I just want to stop it all
everything just sucks right now
and people can tell me, dw kath its going to get better,
but tell that to my heart.
I feel like I cant say anything anymore, I feel like I have to please everyone and everyone else's happiness comes before mines, and I cannot be happy.
Like as soon as I am happy, I am shut down.
every fucking time, I dont even get like 5 minutes of it.
May I please have a good day?
please?
like what is wrong with me?
the cliche phrase that everyone says "Why me?"
I dont fucking get it.
why cant everything be over?
But I'm too afraid to end it.
I'm too afraid to do anything about it.
I'm too afraid of change
if I'm happy, I woouldnt know what to do...
its been a while since I've been happy- and by happy I mean genuinley happy, not happy for a moment, but at that point where I can wake up for a week and be like, yeah I had a bad day, but I'm still happy
still working it
but myabe, for someone like me, thats tooo much to ask for,
too much to even hopefor
praying to my God won't get me that,
I haven't been sinning have I?
yes I have.
I'm a selfish bitch
I'm a selfis worthless bitch.
I'm a horrible person.
maybe if I get lucky i'lldie in my sleep, peacefully.
but a peaceful death, ha- I jsut had a dream lastnight I was dying cause someone set me on fire.
but maybe, if I get lucky, I'll die peacefully.