hi
this will be a continuation of my last thread http://forums.d2jsp.org/topic.php?t=65726580
i felt it was kind of a hassle to sift through 9 pages so i figured i'd make a new one

here are some things:
-as of yesterday, i finally have a job. kind of scared. kinda of terrified. i've been sitting around on my bed for 11 days now, slowly dying from a combination of lack of food/sleep and possibly hypothermia/aids
was kinda hoping the lord would have taken me away by now. nah but in all seriousness i actually don't feel like dying atm. should be starting the job by the end of the week though.
-was just getting used to being a useless piece of shit all day and spending every waking second on the computer. it'll be a tough transition from useless piece of shit to working piece of shit
-haven't masturbated in 2.5 weeks. i'll be walking around going to the kitchen for food or something and randomly get an erection. not too thrilled about this.
-it's cold
-very cold
-so cold that if you were to throw up outside, it'd probably become frozen on the way up and you'd die of suffocation
-still talking to this girl. at the risk of sounding stalky/ultra creep, i literally want to marry her. i hope so badly she doesn't get tired of me
-roommate(pisser) i've been finding hilarious recently. she'll just talk to herself and hope others are listening. i'll just be laying in my room and hear 'fuck man i'm tired tho'. she went on facebook last night to chat up her m8s.
she's friends with this 25 year old drug addict, who made this bitchy status about her. (wasn't bitchy at all but ok). pisser took quite offence to it. spent a good 10 minutes calling her various combinations of 'whore' and 'junkie'
among my favorite were "little garden whore" and "fucking slutty fucking slut". i can neither confirm or deny these allegations, but calling someone a fucking slutty fucking slut is a pretty serious accusation
-k looks like it's random boner time again
-have to do a drug test in an hour from now. currently drinking mass liquids so i have an adequate amount of pee

oh i meant for your dog, so he doesn't pee and poop all over your house when you're at work

you need to stop falling in love with every girl you talk to =/
always glad to have you feeling a little better, but damn... you always in love with every girl you meet (type with online) and then you get super depressive when things don't turn out. find the happy medium broseph.
Currently I am very happy to be single and not looking. Life is so much more simple and Steve provides all the friendship I need.

hope you pass your drug test and have not picked up anything through association with pisser
you should introduce her to your sister, I bet they would be good friends.

and ya alberta looks like more of a shithole than ever in the winter.
should look up sue.

and why are you not eating? get some ramen and tuna and you be all set
grilled tuna melt with chicken ramen is gfg. Dip the melt in the broth yo.

Is Alberta 2 hours behind eastern standard time? so 3.5 back from newfie time.



He isn't in Newfoundland with the dog anymore. You should pay better attention yo.



Need to work on your stalker skills bro.

This post was edited by Caulder10 on Jan 16 2013 01:41pm

my bad i was reading his blog the other night tired as fuck and everything got blurry and i passed out when i woke up i thought i had read it all so i replied lol

iso update... you been on a few times, but never posted anything!!

how was work?
piss all over yourself when you took drug test?
you really really need to masturbate.
if you need to we can get on skype and do it together

can i fap with you guys if you decide to?

we have been in a relationship for more than 6 years.
You dont even have a pic.

FUCK
holy shit I am so god damn furious right now I am going to take all my fucking anger out on these bitch ass words
so I'll tell you about the fucking piss trip I guess. It's apparently one of those days I'm using proper punctuation too. As if this day couldn't get worse. Fuck.
Pisser calls a taxi. I had at this point consumed a good 3 litres of liquids, ranging from water to mountain dew. Had some fuckin milk too. Had milk residue in my glass and it fused together with the mountain dew. Tasted like fucking garbage. Fucking stupid.
I drink this god damn poison. Fuck it, I don't care.
We go down to the taxi and get in. Surprise, it's a black guy who barely speaks English. Okay, lol! Pisser gets in front seat, I get in the back. You'd think maybe she'd shut the fuck up for once, but nah. That ain't her style. She starts rambling away as soon as she gets in.
She starts talking about her future and her past, probably talked about the present as well, but I wasn't fucking listening. Jesus all I wanted was some peace. There was one point she started talking about sex with him. Ain't even fucking lying. She just brings it up all casually.
k fuck this punctuation. long story short, black guy wards off pisser by telling her he has a wife and kids. but pisser doesn't grasp logic. she continues to talk about weird ass shit until we arrive at the piss center. aka, her home

so we walk into this bitch ass nigger of a building. i go up to the front desk, tell her my name and that my appointment is at 11:15. i glanced at the clock, it was 11:10. yeah bitch, i'm on time for my appointments. bet you didn't think i was punctual. fuck you.
we take a seat and begin the wait. at this point, i don't have to pee, but i feel something fucking ominous brewing down there. i knew something was coming. and i knew it was something of unspeakable horror.
there's a tv on the wall. i start watching it. some shit about people dying. what's new. the fans in there were very loud too. it was a noisy as fuck place. i didn't know much about piss centres, but i hadn't anticipated them being loud as a motherfuck.
you'd think this little detail would stop pisser from spewing her fucking vocal diarrhea everywhere. wrong. as soon as we sit down she chats up this poor soul next to her who couldn't have picked a worse spot to sit
words come flying out of her fucking mouth like a god damn space shuttle. it doesn't stop. words hitting me and everyone else near in the fucking face. i grind my teeth. it's 11:20.
i continue to watch tv. more people dead in some other accident. fucking news. they'd probably be better off airing all the people who didn't fucking die that day. what the fuck.
it's 11:30.
then it hits me. it came out of fucking nowhere.
this deep, sharp pain enters my god damn uretha in the blink of an eye. i had to pee. i needed to fucking pee the same way a god damn teenager needs to have a kid before the age 20. i had to fucking pee, and the flood was inevitable. the gates were opening, and i was prepared to let this entire god damn fucking shithole called Alberta drown in it.
11:40
the combination of my weiner distress and pissers perpetual talking makes me consider killing myself.
11:45
i'm grinding my teeth so god damn hard the enamel is flying off and hitting the ground with such fucking momentum it's causing an earthquake in china
this fucking piss needed to come out, but i had to hold it in to give to the nurse.
11:50
i was ready. i was ready to fucking piss in my mouth and drink it and just do this fucking cycle over and over until the nurse was ready for me. i didn't give a shit at this point. it was either this or go run in the street and get hit by a bus. literally one or the other
i start digging my nails into my palms trying with all my fury and might to hold this piss in. my life flashed before my eyes. the flash was cut short however because pisser couldn't fucking shut up long enough for me to hallucinate my own death
i consider standing on top of the chair and screaming as loud as i can, like goku in dragon ball z. if my shirt was orange and my hair spiky, i can guarantee you i would have gone through with this. i was a gun ready to fucking pop. if anybody
came and sat down next to me, they would have gotten a fucking punch in their stupid head. i was waiting for it, hoping for it.
11:55: i get called in.

i was praying the entire time that i'd get an old lady. someone with grey hair who i didn't give a shit about. someone whose gone their whole life dealing with piss every single day that it simply didn't affect them anymore.
someone who had built up such a fucking resistance to anything even related to piss she'd literally be able to swim in it
but that's not how my life works lol!
i get this fucking extremely cute 9/10 22 year old fresh out of college.
my mind was just in disbelief. such fucking anger and hate running through my veins. i was going to lose it. if i were to cut my vein open nothing but fucking battery acid would flow out and burn a hole through the ground, a hole big enough for me to jump into and deep enough to never see the light of day ever again
we go in the room. i start blushing like a fucking indian that just got their rent check and whos on the way to the casino. it's also worth noting that at this point, i'm sweating like a bastard. i'm wearing this big fucking coat and hat and using every ounce of strength in my being to withhold this piss. so there was sweat. fucking sweat everywhere. she told me i had to take off my coat and hat. shirt is clinging to my back. hair is matted down like shit.
i'm standing here awkward as fuck just basking in her sheer beauty. i don't know what the FUCK to do with my hands. NEVER. I DO NOT KNOW WHY THEY ARE EVEN THERE
i shove one hand into my fucking pocket and leave the other one dangling. fucking thing. i wanted to rip it off and throw it at the fucking heavens.

before we get to do the piss test, i have to do a breathalyser
i don't know what the fuck this was for
i also don't know why the fuck i had to blow super long and hard BEFORE unleashing the ocean of piss i had saved up
seemed like fucking torture. but i had yet to see torture. this was only the start.
i huff like a motherfucker
then i puff like a motherfucker
i blow into this god damn thing like i'm a god damn astronaut. i blow so much fucking air. then i blow some more. i'm creating fucking sonic booms and rifts in the atmosphere because i'm blowing at the speed of fucking light
and then it happened. something that pains me to even fucking type
i made the extremely unwise move to look into her eyes while blowing.
i looked right at her fucking eyes just before my blow was done.
let me tell you friends, i have done some awkward shit in my life. things that would make you cringe to even hear about. but this, this was absolutely THE most painful and direst of awkward situations i've ever experienced in my pathetic little life
fuck.
so anyway
that horrible moment finally passes. i kill myself in my mind. she's writing shit down on this paper and i'm literally not saying a single word. i have one hand in my pocket and just watch her write down the results of the breath test.
i'm pretty sure she was afraid for her life. i cannot fucking imagine how incredibly fucking terrifying i looked with my clothes sticking to me with sweat, my teeth clamped together and blood more than likely trickling down my hands
i'm pretty sure she made a mental note to call the fucking police as soon as we were done
but first, i had a destiny to face.
the bathroom was before my eyes. it was like a fucking mirage.
she hands me this fucking gay ass cup. marks a line on it. hands it to me. i imagine it's a wedding ring. tells me to piss up to the line and not any higher.
i go into the fucking stall, while she turns around and walks over by the door, most likely to call her family and tell them she loves them and that there's a chance she isn't going to make it out of this building alive
i go in. see the toilet in all its beauty. the water is blue. i see my reflection in it. tears begin streaming down my face.
i unzip my pants.
and out it comes.
i fill up to the line. but i can't stop there. won't stop
i continue pissing.
a stream loosely flowing without a care in the world
a minute passes and the cup is filled to the brim. ain't stoppin.
i start pissing in the toilet. i let out all of my rage in this piss. you can hear it so loudly hitting the water. the piss is just smacking the water and all of my hate and fury is quickly dissolved
two minutes pass
the piss doesn't let up. the tears start falling down my face and begin joining its yellow brethren. the two liquids join in harmony as they hit the water together, peacefully, trustfully. they are united as one.
three minutes pass. the stream doesn't let up. i imagine the toilet over flowing. my joyous piss and tears running throughout the building, filling the air with peace and love. it would be irresponsible for me not to do this.
and then, there was nothing.
no piss, no tears. no anger, no hate. just empty. completely, and eternally empty. nothing.
i stare at the toilet for what feels like a century. i see hope and inspiration. freedom and safety. i'll learn from this. i'll be a better person. i am free.
i zipped up
handed the young woman my urine
put on my coat
and never looked back.

This post was edited by Reginaaccchecker13 on Jan 17 2013 10:33pm

one question, why did pisser go with you? I don't get it.
was she taking a drug test too?
and yeah i don't know why they would do a breathalyzer test... i guess if you would show up drunk to a piss test, you would show up drunk to work..
I think you should write a letter of complaint to this piss place and say how rudely you were treated. And tell them not to make people that need to fuckin piss do a breathalyzer FIRST. I've never had one done, but I've seen and heard that they are hard to blow that hard and long when you are totally clean and sober. (i seem to recall an episode of mythbusters and all they could talk about was how long and hard you had to blow)
I bet Pisser would be great at it!

And yeah you always seem to sweat a shit load when holding in a piss/shit. Even if its cold as fuck.
You should get a "high and tight" haircut so you dont have to worry about your nappy hair getting all nasty as shit.
I wanna just go around schools these days cutting off the nasty disgusting ugly as shit hair that kids these days have. Fucking christ get a hair cut and wash your hair once in a awhile you fucking dirtbags.

Anyway, thanks for the update babe

New thread !