To Whomever is Reading this,
Do you know what it's like to feel sick every waking hour of every damn day? If you do, then let's be sick friends together. If you don't, you don't understand what's going through my head consistently. So I am going to describe it the best way I know how. Please feel free to comment on anything you find.
So as I sit here at work feeling ill, I always rethink and wonder if it is truly my anxiety, or if something is actually wrong with my stomach. Since Novemeber 2014, to today, March 13 2015, I've lost weight. I used to be 195 LBS, and now I am sitting at 142.5. That might not be too bad for some people, but I am 6"1 and I feel unhealthy/look unhealthy. When I was at 195, I was close to my 200 lb goal, and I felt great physically. But my mind/body had other plans. In or around November I stopped taking the anxiety medication I was on (known as Paxil, 20mg). I felt like it was making my stomach upset, so after being off it, my doctor has tried five different medications that help towards anxiety, but they have helped the anxiety but not my stomach. It won't bugger off. Now usually it's a slight feeling, like a gnawing, or that feeling right before it growls, but lately it's insane, always clenched like it's in a knot. I'll get home to make a nice healthy/yummy supper, eat half and feel sick until I fall asleep. Most nights I wake up in the middle of the night, dry mouth and my stomach is upset to no end (I used too sleep on my stomach, but now I have to sleep on my back). In the morning I make a good breakfast and throw half it out because my stomach feels horrible. My stomach is always upset at work, but I believe anxiety has partial due to add to it.
My anxiety, let's go into this topic, delve as deep as we can maybe. I have had major anxiety attacks since I was 17, and in highschool, their frequencies come and go. My anxiety now is definatley not as bad as it used to be. My anxiety is now based on sickness. Sickness as in being sick, throwing up, barfing, or whatever you want to call it. It makes me panic like nothing ever has. In September 2014 I woke up at like 2am and started throwing up. Honestly it wasn't bad that time, only because it was a surprise. I don't know why I freak out about it, I know it's life, and everyone does it. But why do I freak out over it? I obviously dispise the bile/tase, and how my Cleft Pallet screws with it. I hate how someties you hold a gag and wait for it to come out, it feels like your choking (Choking makes me panic). But when I'm in public I still reak out as much because if I throw up, what are people going to think. So when go out to eat, I plan my ecapes. The escape route for throwing up, and one for leaving in a hurry (not a dine and dash haha). To be honest I don't know where this came from, when I was a kid I threw up, I was regular...with a little weird. But all these weird feelings are making me depressed and miss food. I love food. I love making a good homemade meal.
Feel free to leave comments, sorry about the wall of text.