My Mercenary Sucks - Topic

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Posts: 3,525

Joined: Jun 25 2008

Gold: 227.32

Warn: 30%

Jun 16 2010 03:04am

OK so this little bitch is a level 93 pussy by which I mean a fucking dickless piece of shit who can't even fucking solo mephisto's weak ass in a one player game. That's like a teenage boy who can't masturbate. What the fuck.

Fig. 1. I am poor enough to be using this piece of shit charm. Give me all your fucking forum gold.

I gave the bitch CV insight, 10% Andy's, and ebug treachery. I feel like I wasted my fucking items. He's like the noob friend whom you give a free shako to who comes on the next day all like "DUUUUDE I JUST TRADED THAT SHAKO FOR 2 PGEMS, WAS THAT A GG DEAL OR WHAT?"

You better appreciate the fucking items I give you, asshole. Your gear is not that far from optimal and you still suck cocks the size of the fucking eiffel tower. Yeah your insight and andy's could be ethereal, and your treachery could have a few 100 more defense. Shut up you whiny little cunt, prove to me that you're worth those items and I might give them to your shitty ass... if you're lucky, you fucking bitch.

Here's a list of improvements I could make and why they fucking suck:

Insight -> Eth Insight
Lack of DPS/LL is not killing this asshole, when he dies he dies in one or two hits.

Andy's -> Eth Andy's
Big fucking deal. Is a few hundred defense really going to save his ass?

Socket Andy's
With what, a fucking Ber? Eat shit. Give me a Ber.

Use a better base for treachery
Is 1k that different from 700?

CTA
I'm piss poor, blow me.

Strip the arab of his gear and torture him while he's naked like I'm Lynndie fucking England
HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, KASIM?

Here's a list of monsters that shit on his face faster than I can tele away:

Council Members
Holy shit it takes me two revives to do one trav run. Guess I better find a different place to get gold.

Mephisto
Everything looks fine until mephisto decides to shoot him instead of me. Then he dies.

Lord de Seis
Lord de Seis is one bad motherfucker, but that doesn't excuse my merc for going down in one hit.

Infector of Souls
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAA

Diablo
Each lightning hose costs me 50000 gold.

Pretty much every fucking monster in the game if his fade doesn't proc in time
Treachery is as reliable as a stoned autistic monkey.

All resulting in this:

Fig. 2. Fuck you too, motherfucker. And yeah that's your ass I'm grabbing with my cursor, bitch.

Fuck you, Kasim. Fuck you and your motherfucking mama.

ISO a cheap way to make this bitch into a man. I think elemental damage is the biggest problem since physical damage is slowed so much by combination frozen orb and holy freeze (much like pizza hut and taco bell, they work together). LMK

P.S. i'm not angry i just want attention