Going to start documenting my gradual mental break down here, should be entertaining.
Today i heard "life goes on" play on the radio and just realized that all i am doing is existing, i find very little joy in my life anymore and everything feels empty to me.
I get anxiety just thing about work or social commitments and i feel like i do not belong in society or in this life, i would be better off if i had never existed.
Right now i am going to grab a few cc and drys and just try to get past this.
Will update this whenever i feel down, stay tuned folks.

I feel like i am sinking through water, i can see the sun but i can't find the energy to push up to it, i won a thousand dollars today and didn't even crack a smile.

Last night i actually died in a dream, my cancer won and i was told i had hours to live, it was the most surreal moment of my life, i felt the pain in the dream, i felt at peace, then everything just faded to black, then the black drained out to pure whiteness and i woke up, i actually felt regret that i was alive at that point and then shook myself out of it.
It might be time to see a professional, but in my experience it is hard to find some one that can deal with autistic people on an emotional level.

Almost quit my job today, have anxiety just thinking about going in tomorrow, feel like i am drowning.