i've been thinking alot lately maybe i just have too much time on my hands but i'm bored and we'll here it goes.

i wonder sometimes if theres such a thing as destiny, or if we just make our own, i like to think i'm destine for great things i'm sure most people do. though we all die in the end and its not like anything really matters anyway. the fact that i still wake up everyday and have a slight impact on the few people that are around me says a little something. maybe the whole point of life is to live here and now, so many unanswered questions things we'll never know sometimes i just can't but wonder if theres meaning to anything because of how vast and infinite the universe really is. how can we be so certain of anything i know get this gut feeling like i might do "great things", maybe i'm just crazy, maybe i'm just another fool, maybe i'm right? but how am i ever gona do anything just sitting within the confines of my house. maybe i should be using my time better, rather then writting a bunch of bullshit "diary entries" hoping i'll accomplish something by writing them... maybe i should read educate myself like i have been saying i would but haven't done so. even though some of the answers are right in front of my face i feel frozen, like is impossible for me to take on the challenges ahead of me. i've always said i wanted to help others, i've wanted to make it my purpose in life no matter what the cost too help alot of people and obviously in not in any conventional mater... but how do i honestly expect to do those things when i'm writing this crap. maybe i need to take on other challenges other then watching stupid TV shows and movies all fucking day that wont help me do the things i need to accomplish. i know these things in my heart but i yet i still feel so lost, i know that i'm not doing what i should be doing and i need to concentrate my efforts on whats important. i wish i had some guidance someone who could tell me if what i need to do. even though plenty of people do give me advice how do i honestly know if its the best thing for me? i feel like everything is a lie, i've been lied to most of my life anyways how can things ever be made right?

i feel like i am stuck in the middle of the ocean and the possibilities are endless i can go in any direction i choose, but the journey is so far and i feel like i might get too tired from swimming, and even if i do get to land will it be the place were i want to be?

even though the world might seem fucked up beyond repair, i guess if no one ever tried to fix it shit would never get fixed. sometimes it seems to me people only care about one thing and thats money, they will put it before anything else it disgusted me makes me not even wnat to live, the tought is repulsive putting personal gain, and "status" before the lives and well being of other. how can we possibly fix such a utterly horrible thing?

only one who can change yourself, is you. sometimes ill think, but thinking over thinking things is rough.
seems like youve been doing some soul searching. my advice lay off the weed for a little bit.



but i dont know if this will help you, but you cant hold on to "faith" faith can only bring you soo far

This post was edited by xSOwNaGe on Jan 12 2010 10:34pm

I understand how your feeling lil brotha we all get like that dosn't matter what age you are its human nature to question why are we here, especialy when you feel like your life is going no place. I tend to catch myself doing that even now & im 34. I lost my job & I think to myself why me why now? Im a good person, I care & try to help others as often as I can even when I don't have much to offer I go out of my way to make others feel as comfortable as possible so why is this happening to me. I have a kid to raise, morgage to pay on top of all the other stresses of life has to offer. There is no simple explaintion to these type of things shit just happens. But out of all the things that has, have & will happen to me I know one thing that always remains the same and thats the love and support from my family & friends. When ever I have a problem I turn to them because they know me the best & I know they realy care about what I am going through. Im not going to sit here and try to tell you how things are suppose to be or what you should or should not do beacuse only you realy know what it is that you desire most. What I will tell you is that everying in life requires planning and a good foundation to start with otherwise your building is going to tumble sooner or later. Look at the things that make you most happy and when you do start your own foundation and build on it from there. Surround yourslef with people who enjoy the same things as you do and forgive those who take advantage of you or try to hurt you rather than hate them back for they lack the imotional ability to love. Hit me up anytime if u need to talk Im always here to listen