Slovotsky's Law # 226 - " Experience?is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwords"
Slovotsky's Law # 227 - " Shared joy is double joy. Shared sorrow is half sorrow"
Slovotsky's Law # 228 - " All you need is love........Hah, who am I kidding, food is all you need to live the good life"
Slovotsky's Law # 229 - " Drinking twelve pints of petrol and then selotaping your head to the mantlepiece will prevent you from falling over and choking on your own vomit. However, this may not prevent your stomach from dissolving, and if the fire is ignited, will not prevent you from exploding"
Slovotsky's Law # 230 - " I Do Not Make The Bloody, Thrice-Damned, Idiotic Commercials"
Slovotsky's Law # 231 - " When all else fails, climb under a rock"
Slovotsky's Law # 232 - " Just a Thought: Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?"
Slovotsky's Law # 233 - " Just a Thought: Can Atheists get insurance for Acts of God?"
Slovotsky's Law # 234 - " Just a Thought: How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?"
Slovotsky's Law # 235 - " Just a Thought: If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar, do you believe him?"
Slovotsky's Law # 236 - " Just a Thought: What color is a chameleon on a mirror?"
Slovotsky's Law # 237 - " Just a Thought: Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?"
Slovotsky's Law # 238 - " Just a Thought: Can fat people go skinny-dipping?"
Slovotsky's Law # 239 - " Just a Thought: Is homo milk from a gay cow?"
Slovotsky's Law # 240 - " If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out"
Slovotsky's Law # 241 - " For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program"
Slovotsky's Law # 242 - " Fear is the feeling of oncoming pain, whether physical or mental"
Slovotsky's Law # 243 - " Everyone seems normal until you get to know them"
Slovotsky's Law # 244 - " It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives"
Slovotsky's Law # 245 - " Those Jello company bastards........."
Slovotsky's Law # 246 - " Seize the initiative!"
Slovotsky's Law # 247 - " Half of what is recycled is just thrown out anyways......A lot like decent government plans"
Slovotsky's Law # 248 - " Technology has not advanced to the point yet where we can send chicken pot pie via email"
Slovotsky's Law # 249 - " Extreme obesity should be made illegal"
Slovotsky's Law # 250 - " Quando Omni Flunkis Moritae-SitDown"
Slovotsky's Law # 251 - " Thou shalt not use glass shards to shave thy hair, facial or otherwise"
Slovotsky's Law # 252 - " It's only dangerous to chew 26 pieces of gum if it's all at the same time, while talking on a cellphone, and driving 400 km/h on the British Freeway"
Slovotsky's Law # 253 - " There's always a catch somewhere"
Slovotsky's Law # 254 - " Who is more foolish, the fool or he who follows the fool?"
Slovotsky's Law # 255 - " Thou shalt avoid at all costs crazy old men in bowling alleys that taunt you and try to chase you"
Slovotsky's Law # 256 - " Spending money usually isn't worth it. Watch what you're doing"
Slovotsky's Law # 257 - " Boredom is one of the worst tortures you can inflict on another being"
Slovotsky's Law # 258 - " Falling down stairs is dangerous to your health, but falling up stairs is dangerous to your mental health"
Slovotsky's Law # 259 - " The answer to every question you ever had is out there, and is somehow tied to food"
Slovotsky's Law # 260 - " Anything, given the right proportions and circumstances, is a weapon. Except, of course, for food"
Slovotsky's Law # 261 - " Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but sometimes a lollipop will have to do"
Slovotsky's Law # 262 - " Fear is simply an excuse for those lacking in will power"
Slovotsky's Law # 263 - " It's a dog-eat-dog world out there; Survival Of The Fattest"
Slovotsky's Law # 264 - " Don't golf with The Golfinator"
Slovotsky's Law # 265 - " You can't change your beginning, but you can change your ending"
Slovotsky's Law # 266 - " Thou shalt never, ever replace Red Green with Gzowsky in Conversation, upon pain of death"
Slovotsky's Law # 267 - " There are two actions in life: Excuses and Results"
Slovotsky's Law # 268 - " Food, as good as it may be, is not the best thing in life. The best thing in life is doing what you want with who want, while eating the food you want"
Slovotsky's Law # 269 - " I Fatti Vostri"
Slovotsky's Law # 270 - " To like them, you have to be like them"
Slovotsky's Law # 271 - " Kings have a cook guy who tests all their food for them. When the cook guy falls dead after eating some food, the kings goes 'Bwaagh!' and finds another cook guy to test his food"
Slovotsky's Law # 272 - " If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid"
Slovotsky's Law # 273 - " Friendly fire - isn't"
Slovotsky's Law # 274 - " Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing"
Slovotsky's Law # 275 - " The other line always moves faster"
Slovotsky's Law # 276 - " Those who know the least will always know it the loudest"
Slovotsky's Law # 277 - " The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires. You get all the credit for the dumb move"
Slovotsky's Law # 278 - " If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it"
Slovotsky's Law # 279 - " Chaos always wins, because it's better organized"
Slovotsky's Law # 280 - " If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried."
Slovotsky's Law # 281 - " If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer"
Slovotsky's Law # 282 - " Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone"
Slovotsky's Law # 283 - " Never fight anyone with Rank 83"
Slovotsky's Law # 284 - " When you finally buy enough memory, you will not have enough disk space. If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it is guaranteed to crash"
Slovotsky's Law # 285 - " For any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version appears. And the new version always manages to change the one feature you need most"
Slovotsky's Law # 286 - " Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private"
Slovotsky's Law # 287 - " Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap"
Slovotsky's Law # 288 - " All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door"
Slovotsky's Law # 289 - " When all else fails, read the instructions"
Slovotsky's Law # 290 - "?If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number"
Slovotsky's Law # 291 - " After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done"
Slovotsky's Law # 292 - " Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted"
Slovotsky's Law # 293 - " If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it"
Slovotsky's Law # 294 - " The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get"
Slovotsky's Law # 295 - " If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it"
Slovotsky's Law # 296 - " If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done"
Slovotsky's Law # 297 - " People don't make the same mistake twice, they make it three, four, or five times"
Slovotsky's Law # 298 - " If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't"
Slovotsky's Law # 299 - " When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried"
Slovotsky's Law # 300 - " Damn it, McGill!"
Slovotsky's Law # 301 - " Benny's a cool little guy"
Slovotsky's Law # 302 - " The intelligence of some animals greatly exceeds that of certain humans"
Slovotsky's Law # 303 - " Thou shalt not use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch on all rabbits; Only the Killer Rabbits, those with long, nasty, pointy teeth"
Slovotsky's Law # 304 - " Never believe that the way a person looks is who they really are"
Slovotsky's Law # 305 - " A 'jiffy' is 53 seconds, no more, no less"
Slovotsky's Law # 306 - " No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry"
Slovotsky's Law # 307 - " The best way to get even with someone is to drive just ahead of them for 100 miles with your left turn blinker on"
Slovotsky's Law # 308 - " Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened"
Slovotsky's Law # 309 - " Whatever happens happens for a reason, except the unreasonable"
Slovotsky's Law # 310 - " Practice makes perfect only if its perfect practice"
Slovotsky's Law # 311 - " When one is sleeping in Math class, McKee shall shut his trap and keep it shut"
Slovotsky's Law # 312 - " Sleep is one of the best rewards possible to bestow upon another being"
Slovotsky's Law # 313 - " Ignorance is bliss.....Until, that is, the big rock hatches into a black hole that sucks everything up!"
Slovotsky's Law # 314 - " Bad things happen in ones, twos, threes, or more, depending on how bad your luck is"
Slovotsky's Law # 315 - " Just because one is proficient in the art of launching incendiary projectiles doesnt mean they can go around throwing fire-bombs at whoever they damn well please"
Slovotsky's Law # 316 - " One of the most annoying things is when you look up a word in the dictionary, and there's a word in the definition that you need to look up, too"
Slovotsky's Law # 317 - " A friend is one who knows all about you and loves you just the same"
Slovotsky's Law # 318 - " A man is not rewarded for having brains, but only for using them"
Slovotsky's Law # 319 - " A man's character is measured by what he would do if he knew he wouldn't be found out"
Slovotsky's Law # 320 - " A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner"
Slovotsky's Law # 321 - " Be a good loser, but don't make it a habit"
Slovotsky's Law # 322 - " Better a little with honor than much with shame"
Slovotsky's Law # 323 - " Complete honesty in little things is not a little thing at all"
Slovotsky's Law # 324 - " Confession may be good for the soul, but it's often bad for the reputation"
Slovotsky's Law # 325 - " Despite inflation, a penny is still a fair price for too many people's thoughts"
Slovotsky's Law # 326 - " Discussion is an exchange of intelligence.?Argument is an exchange of ignorance"
Slovotsky's Law # 327 - " Everybody should learn to drive, especially those who sit behind the wheel"
Slovotsky's Law # 328 - " Genius is seldom recognized for what it is, a great capacity for hard work"
Slovotsky's Law # 329 - " Great minds discuss ideas.?Good minds discuss events.?Small minds discuss people"
Slovotsky's Law # 330 - " He who laughs lasts"
Slovotsky's Law # 331 - " Honesty is the best policy, but there are too few policyholders"
Slovotsky's Law # 332 - " He who talks by the yard and works by the inch should be removed by the foot"
Slovotsky's Law # 333 - " If you do a favor, forget it.?If you receive a favor, remember it"
Slovotsky's Law # 334 - " If you show people you're a live wire, they won't step on you"
Slovotsky's Law # 335 - " If you get up one time more than you fall, you will make it"
Slovotsky's Law # 336 - " If you want to improve your memory, loan money to others"
Slovotsky's Law # 337 - " It's not the years in your life that count.?It's the life in your years"
Slovotsky's Law # 338 - " Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those who don't depend on it"
Slovotsky's Law # 339 - " Opportunity merely knocks--temptation kicks the door in"
Slovotsky's Law # 340 - " Some people grow under responsibility.?Other people merely swell"
Slovotsky's Law # 341 - " Some people are like blisters.?They don't show up until the work is done"
Slovotsky's Law # 342 - " Sooner or later, all smokers quit.?Heavy smokers often quit earlier"
Slovotsky's Law # 343 - " The best things in life may be free, but things money can buy aren't bad either"
Slovotsky's Law # 344 - " The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it"
Slovotsky's Law # 345 - " The real leaders do not always march at the head of the procession"
Slovotsky's Law # 346 - " The reason many don't climb the ladder of success is that they're waiting for the elevator"
Slovotsky's Law # 347 - " There is one good thing you can give and still keep--your word"
Slovotsky's Law # 348 - " There are many more trap doors to failure than there are short cuts to success"
Slovotsky's Law # 349 - " Two-thirds of promotion is motion"
Slovotsky's Law # 350 - " To have a true friend, you must be a true friend"
Slovotsky's Law # 351 - " I find that we all get more legendary as time goes by. 'Legend' means, basically, 'bullshit'"
Slovotsky's Law # 352 - " The greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza"
Slovotsky's Law # 353 - " When planning revenge on a group of kids throwing snow balls at a moving vehicle, the best C.O.A. is to pelt them with a home-built snowball thrower converted from a tennis ball launcher hidden in your van"
Slovotsky's Law # 354 - " Just a Thought: If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Slovotsky's Law # 355 - " Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn"
Slovotsky's Law # 356 - " What the fool does at the end, the wise man did at the beginning"
Slovotsky's Law # 357 - " When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"
Slovotsky's Law # 358 - " Wise men know more than they tell.?Fools tell more than they know"
Slovotsky's Law # 359 - " You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely"
Slovotsky's Law # 360 - " You will never get indigestion from swallowing your pride"
Slovotsky's Law # 361 - " Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble"
Slovotsky's Law # 362 - " Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift". They say "President", we say "Stupid Psychopathic Git"
Slovotsky's Law # 363 - " If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop."
Slovotsky's Law # 364 - " Everything goes wrong all at once"
Slovotsky's Law # 365 - " In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong"
Slovotsky's Law # 366 - " Things will be damaged in direct proportion to its value"
Slovotsky's Law # 367 - " When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem"
Slovotsky's Law # 368 - " Wherever you go, there you are"
Slovotsky's Law # 369 - " Don't expect people to agree with everything, that is expecting too much"
Slovotsky's Law # 370 - " You stop running after you catch the bus"
Slovotsky's Law # 371 - " Pfffh!"
Slovotsky's Law # 372 - " You've gotta do whatcha gotta do.....Sometimes with friends, sometimes alone"
Slovotsky's Law # 373 - " Thou shalt not lose thy heredity when thine appendix is removed"
Slovotsky's Law # 374 - " True friendship cannot be expressed, measured, or otherwise put into words"
Slovotsky's Law # 375 - " Being right all the time is a real expensive habit"
Slovotsky's Law # 376 - " An idle mind is........the best way to relax"
Slovotsky's Law # 377 - " Where there's smoke, there's pollution"
Slovotsky's Law # 378 - " Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice Doggie!'.....till you can find a rock"
Slovotsky's Law # 379 - " Why soar like an eagle when you can be a weasel and not get sucked up into jet intakes?"
Slovotsky's Law # 380 - " Miscellaneous is always the largest category"
Slovotsky's Law # 381 - " Grab what comfort you can, however you can, whenever you can. The ride gets real rocky way too often"
Slovotsky's Law # 382 - " Get scared right away; Avoid the rush"
Slovotsky's Law # 383 - " Lying, like eating, can be overdone"
Slovotsky's Law # 384 - " I'm a simple man. All I want is enough women for two normal men, enough sleep for three, and enough food for four""q?