I heard that coffee makes your computer process information faster, so I gave it some Dunkin' Donuts Roasted Coffee. Yeah, Yeah, I KNOW! Its a bit bitter but after you get used to the taste, its amazing. For you latte lovers out there, take off your panties. You're not a girl, drink some real coffee. Anyway, i'm getting side tracked. Soon after I split the coffee, hope, for a faster computer, became regret. Dark, thick, clouds of smoke and bolts of lightning started flying out of the computer. All hell was raining loose from my small room unlit room. I would be lying if I said I didn't shit my pants, so I won't. At first, after my pallid, marine blue and white, boxers turned to brown, I ran to the kitchen, which is on the 1st floor of my parent's house, to try to find the fire extinguisher that my family keeps over the fridge. Whoever thought of leaving a fire extinguisher over a 7 foot fridge monster of a size fridge, with the tallest person in the house being at 5'8', had to be fucking stoned. Me, at 5'6", started jumping to reach that bright red fire extinguisher. However, my jumps were all for naught. The fire extinguisher was too high up. Oh how I regret not joining the high school varsity basketball team. At the edge of panic, I started rocking the fridge back and forth. By gaining momentum, through every rock, the fire extinguisher fell off the fridge. YES! SUCCESS! Misery and fear turned into happiness of knowing my house, of 20 long and memorable years, won't burn down today. But as a soon picked up the fire extinguisher, I knew something was wrong. Something was missing, I didn't knew what at the time, but something was off. Running back up the stairs, towards my room, I noticed that the smoke started to leak through the open crevasses of the door. At first, I went to grab the door handle, inches before reaching it, my instinct of elementary school safety, fire, lessons kicked in. A image flashed through the forefront of my mind, past the anxiousness, fear, and hope. "Don't touch the door handle, you might get burned." was the slogan on the image. Going all gung ho, because of the adrenaline running through my system,I kicked down my solid, ivory white, door. As soon as the door swung down, all the enthusiasm and dedication of putting out the fire went out of me. What I saw stopped me dead in my tracks. My sweat turned into tears. The hot, red, thumping of blood through my system halted to a screech. Worst of all, I shat enough bricks to build to the Wall of China. What came out of the dark smoke and lightning was horrendous. Words couldn't justify what I saw. All I can say was that
it, had sharp, long, fangs similar to the ones that the clown wore in the movie It, web like claws, unspeakable, sadistic, evil in the glimmer of its anime-ishly large type eyes, and a huge peanut shaped head that does not fit with its small, fly like, body. Also, that you can feel its presences in the room, annoying, evil, toxic, nauseating, and a sense of insanity. -- Think of cutter Ben Pham. SHA-BANG!, just had to get one in. -- Primal instinct was telling me to run away and to never, ever, stop until the hard, callus, skin and the muscular, pink, flesh of the bottom of my feet diminish until there is nothing left but the raw unprotected bones of my feet. However, a sense of protection for my family's home and idiocy compelled me to stay. Just in case I needed a quick escape, I started to inch close and closer towards the lock window rather then trying to out run this thing in the house. The thing's freakish eyes kept me insight. As soon as I reached the window, its small fly wings started to beat at a deafening rate. It leapt into the air and started to fly towards me. My smart plan of jumping through the 2nd floor window and onto the houses's untrimmed scrubs, froze. All I was able to do cover my face with my hands in a futile attempt to avoid getting hit by this thing. To my surprised, it just phased right through me and the closed window. It was flying towards the moon. Lingering presences of it still haunts the room, 3 weeks later. *Sniff sniff*
Now, poring bitter, rich, coffee on your i7 = terrible idea. I'ma try a weak latte next but just encase, i'll have holy water and a virgin girl to sacrifice next. Now, I just need to find holy water. Where can I find that? The Pope's piss?