how to not play pirate like a bitch

please note this is not a contest entry.* everything is going to be quickly and shittily assembled, so deal with it.

titles will be bolded and in gray because gray is a manlier color derived from a neutral non-color, and a color that embodies all colors. therefore, gray is manly as fuck. deal with it.

if you want to find something quickly, the points to ctrl + f are:

• concept
• skills
• skill order
• summoners
• masteries
• runes
• item build
• analysis
• q/a

without further ado, we start with:

concept

pirate is manly as fuck. deal with it.

this build is going to talk about critplank. it's because:

>roundedplank excels at nothing in particular. it's less dps behind a lesser nuke, but anything that would kill a critplank would kill a roundedplank. critplank has better standing damage, parlay, moves faster, with a cleanse and heal to live. if something would kill you through that, it would kill you through that with a bit more regen and maybe a little more hp.

>tankplank is interesting in that he has a deny, damage modifying nuke and heal/cleanse, but he offers little threat. his ulti as a standalone damage source is gimmicky at best, and his main utility beyond that is reduced healing with grog soaked. the biggest problem is that he just doesn't have the inherent threat that another tank does; you'll be spending gold on shit like atma's while other tanks designed to tank like shen have skills already designed to threaten (such as taunt).

>mageplank is a hilarious joke build that can work. we won't cover it here for brevity's sake, but keep in mind that at the end of the day, it's still a joke build.

now that we understand why we're picking critplank, it's time to explain why you would pick gangplank at all. as a character, he offers:

>the highest realistic damage modifying ad nuke in parlay (2 hour nasus bot games need not apply)
>self heal/cleanse with scurvy
>the only deny mechanic in the game
>global presence with his ultimate
>healing reduction
>the fastest gold-gain in the game

the weight of some of these factors are almost unfathomable in terms of how they actually play out in practice. as a general reference point, pirate will literally double the gold gained from the average hero. the benefit of a laning heal that DOUBLES as a free, better version of cleanse is ridiculous. it pretty much means that you just have 3-4 fucking summoner spells (if you count heal with cleanse). non-manlies just simply cannot grasp how much utility pirate actually brings.

skills



skill order

deny
parlay
parlay
fruit
parlay
ulti

r > q > w > e

obviously, this is an outline. if you're getting harassed hard in lane and you're pushed for some reason (just kidding cunt, you're pirate, you're at your tower) then you would get more fruit.

ALWAYS TRY TO SOLO A NON-MID LANE. i'll break the non-black/gray rule once just to say this; pirate has more beginning deny time and less accessibility from all points of the map if he's at a longer lane.

summoners



with the item build i'll give you later, you'll be on par with a ghosted boots 2 hero.

that's right, you're ghosted 24/7. so if you always have ghost, why get ghost as a summoner? grab flash for added movement utility and exhaust to counter heavy damage sources, set yourself up for even more escapes, and seal ganks.

This post was edited by Giveuptheghost on Mar 19 2011 01:50pm

masteries



9/0/21

21/0/9 would be cool, but pirate's offensive potential is already batshit crazy. you need to balance it out and give him the stepping stones he needs to get to that point, and it really comes out with additional utility. more summoner spells, more mana regen, and more blue/red buff time are pretty much fucking necessities.

runes



the difference of 14 crit early game is enormous. factor that in with the 2 from your masteries, and you're starting with base 16 crit. we'll delve into the math on that later; you absolutely need the mana regen from having dual sets of scaling runes so you don't have to worry about mana items (buying more mana items means you're buying less crit items).

item build

this is where it gets interesting and defines a pirate player. the biggest complain about pirate is that he's, "too random."

listen, motherfucker. there is nothing random about 100% crit. i explained pirate to the lol forums once, and i'll copy/paste it here:



>so, now you're asking, how do i get 100% crit?

let me tell you, it's not easy to gear for it. there is math behind it, but i'll save you another google.png and say this: long story short, you have to optimize the initial damage and armor pen behind the crit for maximum damage. that means shit like last whisper could actually help you more than like, 5 bf swords and whatnot.

so, here's the item build. the amount of crit that you have next to it is displayed in green (rule broken again). the approximate time that you should have them is displayed in red. item slots used are in blue (potions not counted).

keep in mind, base crit with masteries + runes = 16
also, it's important to note that almost every trip back, you should stock up on mp pots. even with double rune sets fueling your mana-grog thirst, you'll need more.

start:

brawler's gloves, hp pot, mp pot = 24 crit = 0 minutes = 1/6
avarice blade = 28 crit = 1/6
avarice blade = 40 crit = 2/6
avarice blade = 52 crit = 8 minutes = 3/6
ionian boots = 52 crit = 4/6
cloak of agility = 70 crit = 5/6
infinity edge = 72 crit = 20 minutes = 5/6
phantom dancer = 102 crit = 6/6

from here on, the paths diverge like so:

against squishies:

phantom dancer (sell avarice) = 120 crit = 6/6
last whisper (sell avarice) = 108 =6/6
bloodthirster or guardian angel (sell avarice) = 96 crit =6/6
trinity force (sell ionian) = 104 crit (with green elixir) =6/6

against tankies:

zeal (sell avarice) = 100 crit = 6/6
last whisper (sell avarice) = 88 crit = 6/6
complete phantom dancer = 108 crit = 6/6
bloodthirster or guardian angel (sell avarice) = 96 crit = 6/6
trinity force (sell ionian) = 104 crit (with green elixir) = 6/6

with this item build, you achieve 515 movespeed, and sink down somewhere near 450 after selling ionian and getting tf. you also maintain 100% crit with absurd fucking attack speed.

This post was edited by Giveuptheghost on Mar 19 2011 01:34pm

analysis

pirate is awesome. he brings top tier damage behind arguably the game's greatest poke; it stacks parlay bonus with crit bonus with trinity bonus for crits to like 1.4k. 100% of the time.

this one time in a jsp inhouse, these guys thought they were going to beat pirate in a 1v3. shen came to make it seemingly more humble, but don't be fooled. pirate is awesome.



q/a

q: should i get crit damage runes?
a: fuck you

q: no, really, what about them?
a: no, really, eat a dick

footnote1*: unless i get really lazy and don't write another guide.

This post was edited by Giveuptheghost on Mar 19 2011 01:37pm

Love this guide, critplank ftw.

and finally, the highly requested flow chart to summarize the guide and uniquely intricate playstyle of critplank:



This post was edited by Giveuptheghost on Mar 19 2011 02:08pm

personally i like warmog plank

warmog, atma, infinity edge

disclaimer:

if you disagree with any of the points listed in the aforementioned guide, you hereby consent to being wrong.

for any other clarifications, see the q/a.

e:/ also, i reserve all rights to actually submit this if i get too lazy to write a teemo guide on time for the contest. i'm apparently going to west virginia in a few days for a week or so, so it might happen that way; just consider this a fallback guide. consider this like a really big notice, because i feel like a footnote could easily get lost within an entire guide.

This post was edited by Giveuptheghost on Mar 19 2011 02:35pm

fuck 9-0-21

Gankplank should only be played as tankplank imo

yeah, that's right, tell us how any champion should only be played on and only one way... that will make you the proest of pros

I like the guide dude :}