Sup guys, It's me Loochi.
So I was with D Baby at the mall with my new girl Kelly crusin around the shops lookin' for a present for his mom. I hate this sorta shit and if it was up to me, I woulda ditched this fool and went straight back on d2 mfing in the Den of evil but the problem is, this new chick had some fine tits and I had to do what ever it took to put the pipe down and bust raw in her eyes so I can exit the building in haste without the lovy dovy shit. My style of dim vision curse.
We went to the antique shop and D Baby found a golden candle holder with blue colours at the top which looked like the perfect gift for a mom. Kelly was sayin' somethin' about college or some shit but I wasn't really payin attention. She probably thought I was listenin to her but I had my aviators on and I was scopin' them tits. I believe they were double D or could've been bigger. D Baby purchased the candle and we headed towards the elavator to go to the underground car park and get the fuk outta here.
D Baby and Kelly go in first. I had to walk in sideways since my shoulders were so wide. I was grabbin' Kelly's ass while D was pushin the buttons to go down. As we were goin' down, the elevator started shakin like crazy and the warning sign appeared! You guys wouldn't believe it... The elevator broke! This small elevator area reminds me of the penitentiary.. Not such good memories. Kelly's all stressed and shit talkin' shit. I'm ready to knock her out and bang her right there and then. Her screechy voice is makin' me mad. D Baby lookin' like a nervous bitch. Had to go see what's up and solve our situation.
Loochi: The fuck did you do to the elevator son? *Clenches fist and gets ready to uppercut D Baby incase he says one wrong word*
D Baby: Look Looch', I didn't do nothin. All I did was press dow--
Loochi: *grabs him by the collar* If we don't make it out in the next half an hour, I'm gonna PK you and shove that candle holder up your ass. Get my drift?
D Baby: Pk? Looch' this isn't D --
Loochi: I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT..
Kelly: Loochii I'm scared! What if we never make it out! I only have a pedicure that will last me for one more day before I needa buy a new one :'(
Loochi: You think you got problems? If I don't leave this place in half an hour, my mule full of indentify scrolls will expire and I will have no scrolls to use on the items I find. So what's the solution? Just sell them unidentified? Over my fuckin dead body! *punches the wall*
Kelly: WAAHHHH *cries*
Kelly's in the corner speaking in tongues, this whole ordeal is traumatising her. I was standing behind D Baby watchin him hit the switches and making sure he doesn't fuk up again. Who knows, he could be an arabian terrorist for all we know. As I was watchin' D Baby work the buttons, I see the candle hangin out of his back pocket and as a geneious, I suggested the ultimate idea that could get one of us out for help..
D Baby: *sigh* I guess we have to wait for maintenance =/
Loochi: Don't your pussy ass worry. Unlike you two, I have an idea. You see this worthless junk you bought? *grabs it out of D Baby's pocket*
D Baby: Hey! Careful bro. That cost 6.95!
Loochi: Hold it. This is our meal ticket out of here.
D Baby: This!? .. How ?
Loochi: Do you know what that looks like? It looks like the oculus. The unique sorceress wand. If I remember correctly, when you get hit it should teleport you randomly anywhere. Once you teleport, You go get help for us.
D Baby: Wait.. Dude you take D2 waaaay too serious. It's only a game..
Loochi: What did you just say....... ? *Stares at him with an angry face*
D Baby: Ok ok... How will I get hit though? There's no one here.
Loochi: Leave that bit to me... *Smerks and holds his fists up while standing in a barbarian positiion*
D Baby: wtf? Dude.. No fuckin' way. You can't be ser--
I start deliverin' strike and blows on D Baby while he screams for help and tries to the reach for the emergency phone and call for help.
D Baby: EMERGENCY! I GOT A MANIAC PUNCHIN AND KICKI-- *Fone drops due to hard heavy hits from Loochi*
Loochi: Just for that, I'm gonna make this duel longer you fuckin prick!
The nerve on this kid. After I do his ass a favour and free him he wants to call security on me? I head butt him and give him a few elbow strikes and knees. Kelly's cryin seein blood splatter all over the show. Jeez. 25% chance to tele randomly and he's still on the ground with a black eye and fat lip. Started to hit harder and faster to increase the percentage chance. As I was about to hit him again, the doors opens and the maintenance dudes see what happens and I get cuffed by security and get takin to the cops and get interegated. I'm explaining the chance to teleport on the oculus item but had no evidence since I left the candle holder in the elevator. I watch Kelly bein' escorted by some people and they comforting her and watch D Baby get picked up by a stretcher that's heading to the ambulance.
25% chance and it didn't even work? That's like 1/5 of the time it would activate and teleport? Bad Luck I guess..
Giant_J is on his way with 2 mil foreign gold to bail me out. I'll be back on the streets before you pussies know it.
